Unveiling the Assassin
Story ReviewsTitle (5/5)
Really nothing to penalize here. Fitting and the word "assassin" creates a sense of mystery and violence which is befitting of the story.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
I think on overall the description manages to sum up the story very well. But just a couple of small pointers; I did not like that Cho Kyuhyun was mentioned in the description because he failed to make such a huge impact in the story and also I would have liked a subtle hint of emotions/feelings/love being involved in this mess.
Appearance (4/5)
The small details are good but on the two characters in the picture; I would have liked it if Jaejoong could be the main focus within the poster.
Plot (13/15)
Firstly, mindblowingly creative plot with strong detailed story-telling. Impressive.
I am deducting 2 points here based on 2 feedbacks:
1) Confusion: There are so many characters involved with multiple "happenings" crossing each other. It might be a bit hard for the readers to grasp the happenings and connections. Personally, I found it hard to figure out how the relationship was exactly between the members of the three gangs (hell it was hard even fitting who belonged to the three gangs) and how the pursuit of investigation of the what was going down between the gangs had anything to do with the investigation of the murder of his parents.
My suggestion might be to have a short summary or even a spider-web diagram similar to what Jaejoong would have been drawing as mentioned in the story. A little graphic might be hard work but will definitely add value to the story. Another suggestion might be group the gangs according to boybands or even surnames. (Benson definitely did not fit in the story)
I do see a distinction to a certain extent but more rearrangements could have been done; just my POV.
2) Suspense: This story is all about suspense. What happens next? Who is he? How does he fit into Jaejoong's investigation? What is their relationship? As a multi-chaptered online novel I would think you want to keep your readers on the edge of their seats waiting for your next update; hence cliffhangers.
One example: Between chapters 5 and 6, let Yunho appear at the end of chapter 5 but don't reveal his relationship with Changmin until the start of chapter 6.
Between chapters 6 and 7, do not let us know that Sungmin was onto something until the second chapter.
Onto the good points now.
You demonstrate a strong understanding of the personalities of the characters used in the story and have portrayed and used them very well to fit the storyline. Ie Yesung the creeper, Big Bang with the swag, Siwon the rich, Yewook relationship and the list goes on.
The was extremely well-written and appropriate in your story. They did not feel out of place and it was not for the sake of ; they carried with them deep meanings which enhanced the development of your story.
Originality (15/15)
Definitely full marks here on an unbelievable level of imagination.
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
Definitely nothing to penalized you on today.
Flow (8/10)
As mentioned above, the confusion and suspense affects the overall flow of the story.
The chapters are long but I wouldn't use the word draggy save for the first few chapters where you were slowly building up the story. Progressively it got more comfortable to read such a length.
Characterization (9/10)
Individual characters were well-developed and matched their personalities in reality.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
Great writer; your strong writing skills makes reading that much more enjoyable and this is essential in such a intricate plot.
Total: 92/100
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