Graveyard Boys, Season One - Review
Story Reviews»Graveyard Boys, Season One Review«
Title (5/5)
I think it is well chosen for your genre and style of writing for this story. I especially like the word "graveyard" as it gives a sense of mystery, horror and suspense.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
Writing it in the point-of-view of G is a great move. However I would have loved for it to mention all the main characters individually. However it kind of gets to me why Suho isnt one of the main characters. You mention only 4 boys excluding him though it is pretty obvious to me at this point in time that he is part of the gang?
Liked the acknowledgements bit because it gives a good insight into your style of writing and basically where you are getting your ideas from.
Appearance (0/5)
I guess it is only fair you get zero rating on this as you have no posters. Apologies.
Plot (10/15)
I am giving you a lower score here only because I see a lot more potential and this story is barely started.
There are rather mature contents being featured in this story; most of which has a rather dark background. Homouality, , possibly violence and friendships. It is important that you fully exploit them in shaping your main characters and portray them in a deep and positive light. (ie not encouraging the bad)
However there are quite a couple of mistakens I've spotted in your writing:
In chapter 1; there were a couple of confusing mistakes
-You first wrote "Do you know Mrs. DeVergen, two blocks away..." and two lines later it was "The news about Mrs. Hershel being a..."
-Your note says "At the gas station, you have ten minutes before everything turns around. -G" But you made the boys arrive only in an hour.
-"The autopsy reports said that he was beaten to death, her bones crushed." It should be SHE was beaten to death
In chapter 3:
-The part where Jongin recalls about the bracelet is supposed to be a flashback but you lumped it all in one paragraph and did not make a distinction between past and present; italics might have helped.
"Jessica was sitting on a wheelchair while his younger brother, Chansung, pushed it." I assume Jessica is supposed to be a SHE?
*I hope this is not a spoiler for your story*
Poll:
Why did you want to take Suho out of suspicions?!
Honestly I feel that you are trying to make Suho a suspect but suddenly he disappears. One guess is he might already be dead but ruling him out as a suspect just kind of spoils that.
Originality (13/15)
Definitely something fresh on AFF.
Grammer & Spelling (15/20)
The few mistakes as stated above.
Flow (8/10)
I like your "previously on...." though it kind of feels like you're watching a drama serial with a recap.
Also refer to top for the few confusing parts which spoils the flow.
Characterization (5/10)
Definitely a lot more you can work on in this area. Especially on the insight of each character. I barely know much about each of them. Why is Yixing invovled in an relationship? I believe Luhan and Sehun is more than meets the eyes but their fleeting appearances do not have enough of an impact. There is so much content to your idea, don't be afraid to expand on them and extend your chapters. Just make sure something exciting is revealed in each chapter and a cliffhanger at the end always keeps your readers coming back for more ;-)
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
Not a bad read at all, keep up the good work!
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
71/100!
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