The Transfer Student

Story Reviews

»The Transfer StudentReview«

Story

 

Title (4/5)

Appropriate enough, more creative suggestions might revolve around JongUp's character instead.
 
Foreward/Description (5/10)
 
Does not sound exciting enough. The opening of the story has been following the foreword so far which is rather mundane. You might want to highlight the of your story within the foreword.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
No points here for lack of poster.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I'm glad I read the story up till a point where there was some excitement being introduced (chapter 6) because the storyline was getting rather dry.
 
It's not a bad story but it feels like its really just about JongUp surviving another school and we find out if he is able to turn into a good boy or not.
 
Also sometimes there is a differing POV of view within a chapter which makes it slightly abrupt: Chapter starts off with an "I..." before launching into a third POV writing for the rest of the chapter after a few lines.
 
I believe you can and might already have intentions of spicing things up with some twists or , you might want to hint on it in the foreword or opening chapters to keep your readers engaged.
 
Good luck in story development!
 
Originality (12/15)
 
Quite a typical bad boy rebellious kid scenario you need to emphasize on your punchline.
 
Grammer & Spelling (14/20)
 
More effort needed in sentence structure and overall standard of the language.
 
This will enable your readers to have a much smoother and comfortable.
 
However the general idea and meaning of the story is not lost so it's not too bad.
 
Flow (6/10)
 
As mentioned above, more effort put into overall sentence and words to improve this. Also take not of your POV.
 
Characterization (7/10)
 
There was very small background information on JongU; coming from a rich family and being a troublemaker. The question "Why?" has not been answered so far which I feel is essential in the development of your main character. 
 
There is still chance for DaeHyun's to be developed as you just introduced a part of his life (the bullies) which sparks curiosity.
 
Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
 
It's been rather slow and flat so far but not a bad read.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
64/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF
#1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE
#2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14
#3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14
#4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!