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Title (4/5)
It is a nice title especially for the opening chapters and the fact that the characters are going back to the start but I would have preferred something along the lines of tying up loose ends.
Foreward/Description (10/10)
Short and sweet. Really nothing to criticize here.
Appearance (3/5)
The color scheme and background suits the story but it looks like Kyungsoo and Luhan are the main couple.
Plot (11/15)
I have to minus points here only because the storyline and idea is so fantastic and you have so much room for development. You touched on the topic of friendship, love, being the benefactor of someone, ruined families, a mother who indulges in , death, power, etc and yet these were not being dealt with adequately. The emotional spectrum has much to be discovered. Overall I felt that there was too much drama and you should have picked on a few topics to address.
I am being rather critical so I hope you understand.
- When Kyungsoo returns, you need to decide how you want their relationship to be; awkward or it was as though Kyungsoo never left. You seem to have a mix of both which is confusing
- Isn't a hair color change pretty obvious? (Chapter 6)
- I did not expect Kyungsoo to have laughed at Sehun's confession of nearly getting . Which makes me question Kyungsoo's personality (Chapter 7)
- It is not uncommon for very close friends to be labelled as lovers especially for the type of strong bond you made their relationship out to be (Chapter 7)
- The Minseok incident was rather redundant cause Jongdae was already introduced to us in an earlier scene (Chapter 8)
- Luhan has from the moment they appear demonstrated an undyinig love for Sehun. Having Sehun input effort to receive care from him is unnecessary (Chapter 8)
These are just a few things I'm picking on. As I said the major lacking comes from the under-developed emotional aspect of what could have been a mind-blowing story.
Originality (15/15)
I give you full points here for an intricately thought of storyline.
Grammer & Spelling (19/20)
Generally good but minus one for the jumping around.
Flow (7/10)
It's so confusing especially the first 2 chapters where you jump from past to present alternately. In chapter 1.5 you also mention Kai writing his first letter to DO when I already saw a bunch indicated as being written in chapter 1?
As mentioned above, too much drama overall so skipping from one topic to another seems abrupt.
Other than that, I give credit for good general flow of events as well as the fitting quotes at the start of each chapter.
Characterization (5/10)
I have to pick on you here again as per the above mentioned reasons for not developing your characters emotionally. Let me pick Sehun as example:
Sehun's emotions and feelings especially towards Kai was a bit ambiguous. I couldn't quite differentiate it between a romantic jealousy or overprotective friend. You should have made a distinction between his feelings for Luhan and Kai when he saw them with someone else. It is different being uncomfortable and worried. You used discomfort for both cases. Also you described Sehun-Kai as being devoted but not in love and yet loyal? These are all but the same thing.
Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
Great idea. Better expression needed. I enjoyed the story overall.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
82/100!
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