Touch of a Demon

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Touch of a Demon - main story image

 

 

Title (4/5)

It cute and appropriate. Not the most creative of titles but definitely fitting of the story so far
 
Foreward/Description (5/10)
 
Honestly, its a bit confusing. Even after reading it twice I still could not quite understand; the opening sounds like Myungsoo's POV and the second half sounds like Ara's POV. You might even want to move the prologue here.
 
Appearance (4/5)
 
I really like the poster. They're so hot. But I cant tell who the demon is from the poster; it seems like they both are that's why its confusing in the first few chapters before yuo mentioned Myungsoo's name.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
The idea you have is really good. I recognize snippets from the death note and the notion of a cursed child and the demon is definitely an interesting read. 
 
It is too early in the story to comment on your plot because Woohyun hasn't even appeared.
 
In general the plot development is fine and I can catch the few key points you are trying to  bring across in each chapter but it is a bit confusing to jump here and there. 
 
However you might want to seek some advice in writing to better express your story.
 
Originality (13/15)
 
Very interesting plot as mentioned above.
 
Grammer & Spelling (12/20)
 
Quite a lot of errors here and there but most of it I do understand the meaning and so far it hasnt been detrimental to the plot development.
 
Here are some sample rephrasing:
 
Prologue:
-"But to me, a demon is a gift; one who gave me life. However he also left me a curse...."
-"I CANNOT DIE" instead of "I WILL NOT DIE"
-"I hate the fact that I live from..."
 
Chapter 1:
-"As I started to walk again, my headache got worst as I was hit by visions of numbers and alphabets above the head of everyone I passed. These were symbols of their thoughts, their birth dates, death dates and even how they were going to die"
 
Chapter 2:
-"Ara opened her eyes..."

Chapter 4:
-"Ara jumped to catch a butterly..."
 
Theres really quite a lot of spelling and grammatical errors within your story. Might be good to get a beta to help you with these.
 
Flow (7/10)
 
As mentioned above, so far the story movement is acceptable but some confusion caused. 
 
Characterization (5/10)
 
A lot more can be injected. This story has a lot of potential for emotional development. Ara as a cursed child who is shunned by old; the pain the suffering. Myungsoo as the pillar of support yet the sole reason of her pain; the love and hate relationship she has. Bring in the possessiveness he has. Does he have feelings that run much deeper than just being her demon; what exactly is the bond they share? All these and more to be developed.
 
Overall Enjoyment (6/10)
 
I do like the storyline but language is indeed an issue here. All the best!
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
66/100!
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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