Primrose Path

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Primrose Path - main story image

 

 

Title (3/5)

Hard to judge because it is too fresh into the story. I have not seen anything positive and sweet within the first chapter and the "prologue" isn't too much of a calamity to me.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
Definitely helps that you put the definition/meaning of primrose path there for us to understand the storyline. And I do like the suspense you created of humans going after Minji cause it leaves a lot of "whys" to the readers but you might want to add on a bit of hint.
 
Appearance (4/5)
 
I absolutely love the poster. It matches the description perfectly as well. But it does seem that the words would belong more so to a vampire than Minji; so you might beed to clear that up unless I am interpreting this wrongly and the words "Run, they're after me not you" actually does belong to Jongin.
 
Plot (10/15)
 
I think it is a rather interesting plot; kind of reminds me of twilight a lot though.
 
However there isn't too much for me to judge in terms of story development as you have barely started. Shall just give some suggestions
 
I like how you started with a prologue which shows the "ending" and then move onto the events which led up to it. However the prologue could have been way more impactful than it currently is. You want to touch on abuse and perhaps how love can survive anything. Particularly on how Minji does not mind the pain due to true love. Ie he harms her accidentally or the bite was inflicted in the midst of his vampirism being uncontrolled and yet she submitted to it willingly on her side etc.
 
Also I believe the first chapter is about Minji's background. A lot more content and substance would have been helpful. Ie how she is feeling internally, why she is giving up and what led to it etc. And just to make things more interesting you can introduce someone at the end of the chapter like a "ray of hope" Jongin?
 
Good luck on future chapters!
 
Originality (13/15)
 
Interesting storyline. Especially when including creatures that dont exist; vampires and creating vampire slayers amidst humans. Make sure you detail the characteristics and lifestyle of vampires well.
 
Grammer & Spelling (18/20)
 
Simple but no grave mistakes.
 
Flow (7/10)
 
As mentioned above I like how you opened with the prologue.
 
Characterization (5/10)
 
Based on chapter one alone, a lot needs to be done as mentioned above.
 
Even in the prologue I cant quite feel the relationship between Minji and Jongin; especially their crazy love for each other.
 
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
 
A good read nonetheless especially for EXO fans ;-) Curious to what Sehun's role will be.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
75/100!
 
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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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