ღ Kiss and Tell ღ - Review
Story ReviewsTitle (3/5)
The term "kiss and tell" is actually used when people gather and talk about their personal lives which has no relation to your story. Therefore the slighly lower rating as when using a common term people will tend to try and link the two despite having no connections and it may alter the initial perception before reading your story.
Foreward/Description (8/10)
Relatively good introduction into "you". However she is a shy person not someone who does not have interest in the opposite like in the foreword. The background on Tao is however untrue as he does not actually flirt with multiple people within the story with the main focus on Hana. But I will not penalize you badly on the second because it might be just "your" view.
Appearance (4.5/5)
I think it's appropriate with Tao's intense look at the back with a sweet looking girl in front. However just one small suggestion to the caption: "something about you intrigues me"
Plot (13/15)
I think in overall rather cute and fluffy plot. I particularly liked the twists within the story especially at the end of Chapter 3 on the girl Tao was going to kiss, the dream chapter and also definitely towards the end where you made the readers think Hana and Tao were indeed together with the kiss.
Originality (13/15)
Rather cliche in a high school setting hollywood chick flick but definitely not too bad.
Grammer & Spelling (18/20)
Overall no major spelling and grammatical mistakes with a rather commendable usage of words.
Couple of small mistakes you make here and there eg "It's do dusy here" - Dusty
However I would try to improve on phrasing and the flow of sentences. Do use ";" instead of "..."
Flow (6/10)
Unfortunately, I think this is the area you most lack in.
-You make sudden switches to Tao's feelings in the middle of the story which looks a bit out of place eg at the end of Chapter 2. If you really want to you might want to put it in a different colour
-Also if you want your readers to receive some hints that Tao might actually like "you", you might want to do up whole paragraphs or even chapters showing Tao's feelings in the same situation such as the scene of choosing the prettiest girl to kiss; ie have Tao's point of view where he really wanted to kiss "you" but chickened out in the end
-I do not know if it's your utter intention to make us think Tao is not interested but it seems like it to me except the few insertion of his true feelings.
-Other small parts of the story also shows contradiction such as Eunjung's feelings because it is clear that she has a crush on Tao and confessions should not have come as a surprise especially to "you" as part of the clique
-About Hana, there should be no shock at Tao's choice of girl to kiss from the group as people had assumed them to be a couple with multiple public display of affections
-Most importantly your style of writing, do note your short sentences and lack of paragraphing at some parts and too much paragraphing at some. Also the italics thoughts need to be in appropriate places
Characterization (8/10)
Good build-up of the character "you", other characters have been commented on within the above section.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10)
Cute, short and fluffy would definitely recommend it as a leisure 10mins read =]
Total: 82.5/100
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