Haunted
Story Reviews»HauntedReview«
Title (4/5)
It fitted the story well but it wasn't exactly eye-catching and it draws attention only to the supernatural part of this story which I think does not do it enough justice because this story goes way deeper than that; I might even lean towards the "unfinished business" or "crossing the bridge" aspect of the story instead as a suggestion.
Foreward/Description (5/10)
I have to penalize you here because once again not giving your story enough justice; it is a bit messy and has language errors aplenty.
Appearance (5/5)
I definitely like the feel of the poster and good choice of background.
Plot (13/15)
I'll be very honest the average language and supernatural topic did turn me off at the start due to personal preferences but I must say that as I read on I found myself drawn to the storyline so bonus points on that.
I think you planned it well in terms of events and their emotions were brought across very nicely; making your readers feel for both of them.
Initially I was caught with the question "why are they like this" but that got answered soon enough and I found myself falling deeper into the meaning of the plot; like how they are both just two lonely boys who are slowly finding refuge in each other; how Daehyun became the person he is because of his violent father, Yongjae's welcoming nature to pain and death as a form of attention seeking, etc (sorry if I'm thinking too much)
Also bringing in fulfillment and closure to both their parents was a nice touch to the story.
Comments on the ending in; Chapter 9 I liked how they confessed to each other and I almost believed that Daehyun was going to live life fruitfully as per Yongjae's wishes cause I thought that was meaningful so I was a tad bit disappointed that you made death the end and confirmed it with the final chapter; I was almost hoping the boy was Daehyun or his son haha. But I'm glad you recovered with a "next life" instead of those cliche live in heaven together kind of thing.
Originality (13/15)
I indeed thought it was one of those high school gangster fics but you proved me wrong and you made something mysterious so beautiful.
Language (12/20)
You and I both know this is your weakness so I decided to go easy on you since you confessed it in your foreword. But I must say that I was pleasantly surprised that your English isn't too bad at all! Reading was alright apart from the occassional short sentences and abrupt phrasing but it doesn't deter your plot at all; it just isn't a "beautiful" read with flowery language.
Picked out some mistakes:
But what happens when in just one day everything changes? What will happen when an accident gives Youngjae the opportunity to reserve the roles? (reverse)
The sound of the bell ringing woke Youngjae up. He stuffed everything that was on his desk in his backpack in an inhuman speed.
Edit: The sound of the ringing bell woke Youngjae up and he stuffed everything on his desk into the backpack instantly at an inhuman speed.
Flow (9/10)
I have to give you credit here because there was death and turning over a new leaf etc all done within 10 not very long chapters in a way that wasn't too abrupt; ie I saw Yongjae's death coming so props to you.
Characterization (9/10)
As mentioned above, the character development in terms of behaviour and emotions were well done.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10)
I want to give you a high score here because you captivated me and it's one of the more interesting reads I've had in a while. Cheers.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
79/100!
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