Can You Love Me? (Instead Of Him)

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»Can You Love Me? (Instead of Him) Review«

Can You Love Me? (Instead Of Him) - main story image

 

 

Title (3/5)

Appropriate enough but the "instead of him" is an extension and not an alternative title so putting it in brackets might not be ideal. I would suggest something like "Could You Love Me Instead?"
 
Foreward/Description (6/10)
 
A little bit lengthy. I might have just condense everything into a  simple "arranged marriage" and you can go into details into the opening chapters and include more details and emotions there. The and highlight is also mentioned so credit is given.
 
Appearance (4/5)
 
It is a pretty picture but I don't have the feeling that Kyungsoo is in the middle being torn apart.
 
Plot (7/15)
 
I can't really give a good stand on this since no chapters have been written; I will base on score on your foreword and on the assumption of "how good this story could potentially become"
 
- Despite cheating on his wife, there is potential for a Kyungsoo-Chanyeol relationship development as you mentioned that Chanyeol is still a caring person
- I like how Kai is introduced as a runaway child, a lot of questions to be answered there and perhaps even moving into the direction of his state of "deserving love" ie gaining sympathy from your readers.
- Considering how you have introduced Baekyun in the foreword, this character stands to play an important role too
- Also there is indications to the brotherly love which implicates matters here in the love triangle
 
Good luck for your story!
 
Originality (10/15)
 
I can't give you high credits here as arranged marriage, cheating husbands and love triangles are abundance. You may look towards the feedback I've given you above to insert some twists and turns within the story.
 
Grammer & Spelling (12/20)
 
Not the best as you have explained with English not being your first language but understandable nonetheless
 
Flow (7/10)
 
Seems well-thought out.
 
Characterization (6/10)
 
Sneak preview into each character and personality so that's noted.
 
Overall Enjoyment (5/10)
 
Let's see how the story turns out.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
60/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF
#1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE
#2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14
#3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14
#4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!