Pleasure Down the Rabbit Hole

Story Reviews

»Pleasure Down the Rabbit HoleReview«

Pleasure Down the Rabbit Hole - main story image

 

 

Title (3/5)

I do not get the feeling of the story from the title. It seems there is going to be quite a lot of mystery (demon) and rough within the story but the story is slightly towards the fluffy side with no hints of the themes mentioned.
 
Foreward/Description (10/10)
 
I love the description. It suits the story perfectly and it helps that you clarify from the start the type of species and personalities of the various characters.
 
Appearance (3/5)
 
Two pointers:
1) Donghae does not look innocent enough in the poster
2) You mentioned that Eunhyuk is red-haired but a blonde picture was used
 
Plot (12/15)
 
I like the opening two chapters which definitely evoked a lot of questions from the readers and the was wll-written.
 
You managed to answer all the questions which may have arise is an excellent way in the third chapter as well so credit is given.

Only one suggestion; you might want to write both the first two opening chapters in Donghae's POV because of all the unanswered questions. It would have been interesting. Chapter 1 to chapter 2 seems like a big switch right now going from not knowing anything to full knowledge of actions and names of the two incubus. 
 
Looking forward to how you will handle more scenes, description of a made up planet and species and also relationship development.
 
Originality (14/15)
 
Definitely an interesting plot. Inventing a new species is always not easy. Make sure no loopholes are found.
 
Grammer & Spelling (18/20)
 
Nothing major spotted just take note of your tenses at times.
 
Flow (9/10)
 
I love the overall structure so far. Well done.
 
Characterization (8/10)
 
Good job so far. You definitely need to go indepth into Donghae's background soon and explain his rather calm reaction so far.
 
Overall Enjoyment (8/10)
 
Hot. Interesting. Definitely a good read.
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
85/100!
 
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
Back to Top ↑