Acrimony Review

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»AcrimonyReview«

Acrimony. - main story image

 

Title (5/5)

Can't penalize you on this at all. Perfect title to describe the two characters.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
It okay but more details would have been nicer especially since you did not touch on the reason behind Myungsoo's cold self especially.
 
Appearance (2/5)
 
Personally I feel that the expression and entire physical apperance of the chosen pictures do not fit the characters in the story; they don't look acrimonious haha. The girl looks rather lost and innocent.
 
Plot (11/15)

This is a bit hard to judge because its not completed. Basically I'm loving the concept but I believe this story isnt fully developed yet and hence leaving a lot of loose ends and possibilities (and confused readers) 

Good luck in the rest of the story because there is just so much potential I see here for character development and infinite possible endings.

Btw I'm sorry but I cant tell if Jongin is dead or he just left her.

Originality (15/15)

 
Not a typical storyline and the characters chosen are rather unique so giving you full points here.
 
Grammer & Spelling (18/20)
 
Generally your grammer and spelling is fine but your sentence structuring could do with a bit of work; one example:

"Ahri pused the man away, flicking her locks away, she rocked her hips away. She twirled around and her bum out, grinding on a random guy, who responded by placing his hands on her . Ahri rubbed her cheeks against the male's aching , she smirked and left him hanging."

Suggestion:

"Ahri pushed the man away, flicked her locks and continued rocking her hips. Twirling around, she started grinding her bum on yet another random guy who responded by placing his hands on her . After another 20minutes of teasing from Ahri as she rubbed her cheeks against the male's aching , she left him hanging, smirking to herself as yet another victim fell pray to her games."

I find your sentences a bit too segmented; not flowy.

Flow (8/10)

 
Apart from sentence structure, the flow of the story is fine but more elaborations could be helpful for story and character development.
 
Characterization (9/10)
 
They fit the description but more background information would be lovely; maybe in the upcoming chapters?
 
Overall Enjoyment (9/10)
 
Hitting the subcribe button to see what happens next. 

Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal

85/100!

 
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Comments

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aya-ELF #1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE #2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14 #3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14 #4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!
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