Not That Person Anymore
Story Reviews»Not That Person AnymoreReview«
Title (3/5)
It is a suitable title for Kris; going into how he was possibly a jerk and then hopefully changing for the better the second time he is enterting Moon Hyuna's life. However, with the addition of a kid and a new husband Hyuna seems to be the main focus of this story (coupled with your foreword) so a a title revolving around her would have been better.
Foreward/Description (7/10)
It is simple and its good. But there's just not enough to draw your readers; remember your story has a lot more complicated things going on than just a man leaving a single mother behind.
Appearance (3/5)
I do like it, especially the colour choice but having the three characters together would have been more appropriate. This almost looks like a love affair between Kris and Tao with Hyuna as the third party.
Plot (8/15)
This plot has a lot of potential but there's there too much underdevelopment and questions arising in each chapter. Let me run through all the unsettling thoughts I have as I read the 5 chapters.
Chapter 1&2: How can Kris be assigned as a pre-school teacher by the ministry of education when he is so awkward and inexperienced? You also mentioned pre-school, where the teachers need to know how to present themself and handle kids effectively.
The children are also not acting their age with the childish spoon stealing and mockery; you mention he has left Hanmi for seven years.
Seven year old kids do not belong to pre-school. (you need to get your facts in order)
Does Kris feeling some form of connection and familiarity as he looks as Hanmi? I believe your answer is yes but that is not seen in the opening chapters at all apart from the subtle statement that he thought of Hyuna.
Chapter 3: Hamni was deemed to have showed obedience towards Kris? It didn't seem so and if you wanted to have that as an aspect the discipline should have been brought up in the earlier chapters. Also Tao knows about the guy who hurt Hyuna but he doesn't know the name or his face?
Chapter 4: Here it seems Tao knows Kris! And yet when Hyuna mentioned seeing him at the Supermarket and the fact that he just met a Kris; Tao couldn't put two and two together?
On the bright side, this story is still ongoing so the potential is definitely there. I'm sure your readers will be reading on to know what Kris did to Hyuna and who she will ultimately choose.
Originality (13/15)
I will give you the points here because it's a story with a rather matured theme. Especially in the EXO world where they are always portrayed as high school boys.
Grammer & Spelling (12/20)
Readable but a lot of improvements need to be done in the phrasing and overall sentence structuring. Your spelling and vocabulary isn't as bad as you might think it is.
Examples:
the only most important girl he knew
it was only the most important girl he knew/ it was the only girl he knew; the most important girl he knew.
watching one by one of his "little ones" running to their mothers or fathers
watching his "little ones" running one by one to their parents
just like how the woman that he thought was the mother
just like the woman whom he had thought was her mother
Flow (5/10)
Like I mentioned above, the plot is underdeveloped with too many questions for it to be a smooth read. Plot development wise in terms of length and pace is alright. You need to pay attention to details.
Characterization (5/10)
Hanmi as a child from a single parent must feel so much as portrayed by the insults she has gotten from her classmates. Children like this will suffer from some disorder so you need to watch out for that detail and perhaps even use it to your advantage.
Hyuna and Kris have a lot of room to be explored in the later chapters when you bring them together so that's fine.
Tao is being undermined badly here. He has been shown to be very important to their lives and the fact that he has played a fatherly role and a good husband for four years?! I do not understand why they are not married by now and I question Hyuna as a "worried mother". The common sense would have been to pull Tao into their lives as a father so Hanmi would be leading a normal life with two parents.
Overall Enjoyment (5/10)
Not a bad read with a nice idea but you need to pay more attention to content details.
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
61/100!
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