Bookworm vs PlayBoy
Story Reviews»Bookworm vs PlayBoyReview«
Title (2/5)
Honestly, I felt that it was too typical off a highschool cliche story so I can't credit you there but I can understand why you chose the title as it fits the story perfectly; it's just the lack of creativity.
Foreward/Description (6/10)
Ignoring the language mistakes, it does give an apt summary of the story with a tad bit of suspense with the introduction of the "event"
Appearance (4/5)
Simple but suitable and I like it because personally I am confused as to which EXO member belongs to which group.
Plot (7/15)
I know the main story just started with the first game but unfortunately so far the story isn't captivating enough. The first few chapters were too draggy and despite being the foundation, it has not been set in a solid way. If you had delved deeper into each character and their personal thoughts towards each other it would have been better, or even giving us a glimpse into their history if any.
The game/event was introduced without any basis so that's a major flaw I am picking on; why would such a weird warped idea be somehow forced upon these groups of boys without permission? Added on, there wasn't any hype created amongst the rest of the school so who is interested? Note again you have made the setting a school and I don't believe such unofficial events can suddenly kick up and create such a huge impact.
Lastly, game number one was basketball; I'm not going to deny I am disappointed.
Originality (8/15)
Cliche high school setting as mentioned above and unfortunately so far I am unable to identify your potential or even gist of the story.
Language (7/20)
There are quite a lot of mistakes in your language so I would advise getting some help there.
1. Spelling
-playboy, not PlayBoy, bookworm, not BookWorm; they are actual terms.
-you spelt it as bookwarm in chapter 2
-check the meaning of 'beacon'
-mystery not mistery
2. Punctuation
-"Come on Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Tao are waiting for us." Kyungsoo watched as Luhan drag him toward the school gates.
3. Tenses
Sehun rapidly sprinted out the front door of kai's house and toward the luxiorous sport car that he own. Yet, his tanned friends ignored his exsitence and took his time, even more time than usual.
(this sentence has tense and spelling errors)
Sehun rapidly sprinted out the front door of Kai's house and towards the luxurious sports car he owned. However, his tanned friends simply ignored his existence and took an even longer time than usual.
Just to name a few so you get what I mean, fortunately, it did get gradually better towards the later chapters.
Flow (6/10)
As mentioned, opening chapters were too draggy without depth and the first game wasn't as exciting as I expected it to be.
In chapter 2; it states "bookworm's pov" but there are several characters named as bookworm so who exactly are you referring to? It is better to put it as "Kyungsoo's POV". Also if it's in someone's POV it should be written as "I..." not "he.." what you have done is called a third POV. I think what you're looking for is simply "bookworms" and "playboys" to signify it was their scenes.
Characterization (4/10)
There was barely any apart froma few distinct characters like the eyeliner and tall giant.
Neither of which even fit the "bookworm" or "playboy" description. Once again, this is disappointing; throw the bookworms some books, teachers, spectacles, grades, studying, library duties...throw the playboys some girls, party, alcohol, flings, ex-girlfriends.
Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
I think there's a lot of room for improvement. Feel free to reach out to me for clarifications; all the best!
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
47/100!
Comments