The Chosen Twelve

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»The Chosen Twelve Review«

Title (2/5) → The Chosen Twelve is a pretty plain title. The minute I read the title, I knew it was an exo story without looking at anything else.


Foreword/ Description (3/10) → The description was very similar to the Exo music video "Mama," which I happen to know the story very well already so it wasn't very interesting or captured my attention in any way.


Appearance (1/5) → The poster is very messy and the title of the poster does not match your story title. The organization of the story is messy especially in the end. You can use a character chart to help you organize the character you want.


plot (10/15) → It was a good plot but I sort of knew what would have happened. It's one of those kinds of stories.


Originality (10/15)→ The story was easily predictable. 


Grammar & Spelling (10/20)→ There were a lot of mistakes starting from your description. The first sentence: When The skies and grounds.... You should not capitalize "the." Were one legends is incorrect. The correct way is "once a legend." Through there twelve forces is incorrect. You should not use there in the sentence, you should replace it with "the." There were many mistakes however I can't correct them all for you. 


Flow (7/10)→ I think the story moved too fast. You should slow down your pace of the story.


Characterization (8/10)→ The characterization was good, I wish you gave more visual details on how the character looks like.


Overall Enjoyment (4/10)→ I didn't find it very original. You had me through some point of the story then I got a little off tracked.

55/100!

 
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ThanhXuan #1
Chapter 135: Thanks for the review ♡
Amalya #2
Chapter 134: Thank you for taking the time to review my story oohkatsoo. I didn't mind the wait and getting the additional perspective was a good thing in the end. ;)
I have been warned about the too many characters too quickly thing in a previous review and have yet to try and fix that, but duly noted again. haha As for the capitalization issue, I think I was going for that fairly bizarre context (in English anyway) where you capitalize some of the terms when they refer to very specific named creatures (Namjoon's father as a Titan (Perses in his back story) versus titans as a race). Likewise for chimaera though that one was never meant to be capitalized. The only one I really had an issue with in writing was actually Cyclops and that was because my spell checker kept saying the lowercase spelling was wrong. >.> lol
I will certainly consider adding more descriptions or definitions for some of the harder to grasp terms, such as what a titan actually is, in the future. I was much better about doing that in my Norse mythology story to be honest. lol I'm pretty sure the time crunch to finish it before the deadline made me sloppy here.
The game they played was meant to sort of parallel a crude cross between more modern day football (in the US) as evidenced by the in-story name, which is a fairly barbaric sport to begin with, and the gladiator events of ancient Greece and Rome, which were very barbaric events in which the competitors often died. As for the sudden appearance of the monster, I'm not sure I can actually fix that one, or if I want to at the moment. I'll think it over and see what comes of it, but either way, I do appreciate the review all the same.
It's especially nice to confirm what I am able to do well in the story just as much as it's good to be aware of what can be smoothed out more. So again, thank you for the review. I hope my comment might be able to help explain things a bit more in turn but I shall credit you and the shop immediately. ^_^
aya-ELF #3
Chapter 4: Hi!! I have a question, do you guys only do reviews for completed stories??
libianno #4
Chapter 128: Thank you for the review on Chasing Pavements. I appreciate you straight forward and honest opinions. I will use the pointers you have provided me well :)
funkybastard #5
Chapter 12: Hii, I just start writing and i really want to improve my skill and i like how blunt and forward this review shop is ^^. How do i request from the shop?
thelittleluhan #6
Chapter 113: Thank you for the review! I didn't expect what you gave me, I was honestly thinking it would be a lot worse. I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about Title and Appearance. I did feel the same about the title being less focused on the main character when you mentioned it, so that's definitely something I'll work on. I might see if I can change the title to a more fitting one (but I'm soooo bad at titles >_<). Thank you again for taking the time to review my story. You don't know how much it means to me that you at least enjoyed it ^_^
sorindae_ #7
Chapter 110: This review really hurt my feelings. But it's okay. I know of I have to improve my grammar. Thank you for helping review this story.
ZiahZiah #8
Thank you so much for the review! (honestly, I thought I'd get worse) hahaha I'll change that grammar error soon. I'm so glad you pointed that out. :) by the way, may I ask who my reviewer was? I wanted to credit them in my Foreword! Thank you! :D
-dulcet #9
Chapter 84: Oh thank you for the review. I'll credit you indeed I'll keep your tips in mind. Thank you :)
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