Well, I Can't Say No
Forbidden Dreamers Review Gallery
»Well, I Can't SayNoReview«
Title (1/5)
I can't find any references to the title. I'm really at a loss as to why you named it the way you did.
Foreward/Description (10/10)
Not much to say here. The description was good and it fit the story.
Appearance (3/5)
The stanza format is a little difficult to grasp. I know you have the right to do as you want pertaining your style of writing, but it's a little unappealing for me personally.
Plot (10/15)
The plot might've sped up(the first ten chapters rule--please read below) but from what I observed it was slow moving and nothing much happened. She was introduced to a few people and reunited with an old friend, that's it. I feel like the small chapters that were stretched out could've been condenced into larger ones to seem more cohesive. Tte large acceleration in chapter three only led to a depreciation of the following chapters.
Originality (13/15)
It's not very original. Highschool, bad girl meets bad boy and wants to straighten out his attitude. It wasn't bad, though. I do give you kudos for the creation of an indepedent, pretty cool OC female that stood her own in the flow of weak, sappy ones like in the dramas. That's creativity, too.
Grammar (10/20)
Writing it in poetry stanza was confusing and sometimes it was difficult to tell who was saying what. I felt like that was just a tactic to fill up space. (I think there's nothing wrong with short chapters. Sometimes authors make short chapters and are really prolific. That's their thing.) I don't want to criticize your style, because everone has their own flare to formatting pieces of writing. But, that threw me off a bit. You also switched from past to present tense. It thinned out as the chapters progressed, but it was extremely evident in the first chapter. And usually thoughts are put in some type of separate notation or italicization. I understand that your aiming for them to be her thoughts, but it seems like you're switching from third person to first person(even if that isn't the case, it's confusing still). I love your description, though. You make the words pop and I commend you for that.
Flow (6/10)
The flow was alright. Not spectacular, but not bad either. I did have a slight peeve about chapter three. Things escelated too quickly. One second they hate each other, and the next they're sharing their life stories. I just think that's highly unrealistic considering circumstances and their character types.
Characterization (5/10)
To be quite frank, the characterization was unstable. Reading chapters one through two I thought 'heck yeah, a bada** female OC is giving Kai a run for his money'. Then, I read chapter three and missed the curve ball you threw. There's an intense premature shift in Kai's character. At first he was being suave and then he's pouting? He swore at her in chapter one and now he's spilling his hardships and vice versa? Then, the thing with them being in the same house at one point messed my head up. I got to chapter three and things started jumbling up. I have to say Hani's character is pretty consistent, but Kai is up and down for me. I say half points for one good character and an unstable one.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
No one can ever go wrong with an angsty high school drama. Despite the comments aboce, I enjoyed it.
Side Note: There's a rule that grants the reviewer permission to read the first ten chapters if the story is more than that. I've applied that here. So, if you feel like this review isn't an accurate representation of your entire story that might be why. But, I critiqued what I saw so far and I hope this helps a little bit.
Reviewed by: MiaMae14
68/100!
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