Phoenix in Stone

Story Reviews

»Phoenix in Stone Review«

Story

Title (4/5)

Perfectly suitable title but to me "Phoenix in Stone" does not seem as sophisticated or fantasy-like as like "The Trapped Phoenix" or "Unleash the Phoenix" - some creative big descriptive word you think is suitable. Just because the rest of your story is as such.
 
Foreward/Description (8/10)
 
It's inspiring and it doesn't give much of the story away. However it seemed to have a bit of hint that this story had some parallel meaning/metaphor/symbolism which confused me; I'll explain later.
 
Appearance (0/5)
 
No poster no score.
 
Plot (13/15)
 
Penalizing you on two points, as per mentioned above the "alternate universe" and mass appeal.
 
Like I mentioned above, perhaps the physical description of the story made it seem too unreal and hence I keep thinking if it was just a representative of someone being perhaps in a coma or slipping into depression, shutting herself out from the world and hence having her friends etc pulling her out of it. Getting burnt by the floor etc would be symbolic of her fears. And I guess I was over thinking it and I was supposed to take the story as it is. Adding on to this is the confusion caused in the opening chapters, it almost felt like she was losing her memory time and time again between the first three chapters.
 
Second point on mass appeal, it might be a story too hard to grasp for general readers. That's my only "problem" with this storyline. Getting burnt, losing memories, inability to heal, being trapped, trying to break free, weird physical appearances etc
 
However, I must say I did like the beautiful transformation. 
 
Originality (15/15)
 
You created a universe and its characters so really, it's all good. 
 
Grammer & Spelling (20/20)
 
As usual, nothing to fault.
 
Flow (8/10)
 
As said above, tad bit of confusion caused in her lapse of memories and emotions.
 
Characterization (7/10)
 
Because you have created "new" characters more could have been put into creating a foundation perhaps. For the opening chapters, first create the world and have your readers understand that they have entered a different realm (or be like me a cuckoo bird thinking it is relatable to humans)
 
Also, I believe this story has a rather deep meaning so not just on the physical aspect, Chaerin's character needs to be developed emotional. Imagine the pain, trauma and fear being trapped for a long time, being burnt, having your fears be confirmed etc.
 
Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
 
It was an interesting read and the fact that you got me wondering what happens next is good ;-) 
 
Reviewed by: eunhyuksgal
 
82/100!
 
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Comments

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aya-ELF
#1
Chapter 85: Thank you for the review dear! I was relly shocked with the language part OTL, I'm gonna go fix it right now! By the way, do you think it will be better if I write a simple prologue to explain the life of a demon and what's the benefit to have a mate??
EPIONE
#2
Heyy,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was just wondering where you're currently working this year as a reviewer?
I'd love to request from you again.

Best,
Epione
teenme14
#3
Chapter 72: Okay.. Thanks for the review ^^

Now to clarify XD
Title: As you said, the highlight/ of the story has not yet come. So yeahh..
Plot: This is my first chaptered story after my long hiatus from writing. After the hiatus, I wrote a two shot. So, I kinda forgot how to write a chaptered story XD The present time of the story is at the end of Summer (hence, their summer break). Oh, and I plan on making this fic a 40 chaptered fic.
- I guess I haven't mentioned the type of phone she is using. Samsung phones are quite cheap in Korea but are also expensive for people with financial probs. So, back to her phone. The phone she is using is a Samsung Galaxy Win Pro G3812. And she is using pre-paid which you'll have to top-up each time the credit finishes or it expires, whichever comes first.
- The cafe's delivery system works like this: A person will order through phone, and they jot down the name and address of the person. One of the workers will be asked to deliver the drink/food. If the house is near enough, they deliver by foot. If it is rather far, they ride a bike.
-I am not a dancer and... OTL I really need a dancer to help me whenever dancing scenes come up TT.TT
- About Mr. and Mrs. Kim, it will be known in the next chapter that I'm writing now.
Characterization: I am really bad at this XD Jongin's feelings at first was just merely interested. It's not a crush. He just simply feels interested by the girl. Hana & Sehun... We'll know more once we're more into the story XD

So.. yeah.. Thanks ^^ Sorry for the English mistakes. English is not my first language
teenme14
#4
Chapter 62: Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it! ^^ it's a bit fast paced coz I had a deadline to follow and finished it in 2 days xD I was planning on making a special chapter for the part before jongdae confessed to get to know Hye Sun better and how Jongdae came to like her. I was in a rush, so yeah. I was thinking that a LIFETIME to forget was that, he WOULD eventually fall in love with another girl but he would never forget Hye Sun since she was his first love. About the part where she died: I wanted her to die in an accifent rather than in the surgery was because Jongdae's parents died in an accident too which would somehow, idk, increase the pain (whut)
hanajoe #5
Chapter 32: Thanks for the review^^
I know my i'm not good enough in English T-T but i will try my best to write it!