-----

hurting my girlfriend is more painful to do.

----

 

 

 

 

 

They say the ones that you love
Are the ones you hurt the most
For all the pain that I've caused you
Baby I'm sorry ~

 

As the song keeps on filling the entire restaurant, a couple was in their table—eating in silence. Only the sound of their utensils hitting the plate can be heard at their place. However, as the sad love songs still echoing in Yoong’s ears, he couldn’t take it anymore. He drops his utensils and stood abruptly towards the sound system, telling the dj to stop the music. The owner of the restaurant was surprised, but could only give his request and gives Yoong a sigh of relief. He went back to his seat to finally break the silence.

 

“Yes. it’s you whom I want to dance with tomorrow.” He bravely said, staring at his girlfriend’s side. Unlucky for him, his girlfriend doesn’t even care to stare up.

 

He felt it. Seriously felt the pain in there. The disappointments from her. It was too obvious. He couldn’t deny the fact anymore that he did another mistake after like a year from being apart. He doesn't even know how stupid he was to let it happen.

 

Sighing in defeat, he continued.

 

“I know I was wrong. I promised to have a date with you last night. It wasn’t what I expect. To tell you, I declined her. I tried to tell her the reason. But things are just too fast. She takes it as a yes. When Suzy arrived… I was already lost. Suzy was excited, she and Krystal are. So in the end, I didn’t try it again. I was… i was overpowered with my cowardness…. “ Yoong paused, just realizing how weak he was by now. How weak he was to not stand on the plan he wanted to do for the day.

Taking a deep breath, he continued. “Baby please… forgive me. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry… that I disappointed you again. I admit. I was so weak. I don’t have the courage as always for you…. Please Hyun… talk to me. Tell me everything. Tell me what’s inside you right now. I really couldn’t just end this night without hearing those… those… words… f-from you. Tell me how bad I am right now.. I couldn’t take this silent of yours. It’ll kill me. Hyun…  “Tears drops so freely in Yoong's doe-eyes. His use to be so happy eye-smiles was drowning from tears. It was overflowing. It was full of bitterness, as he could still look at his girlfriend before him. Two hands in his side were clenching too tight, as he can feel the tightening in his heart.

 

After confirming that she will never response, Yoong had his head low, wiping the tears in his eyes. Regrets, aching heart was mixed within him. He couldn’t bring himself to have another word anymore after uttering those words. He knows by then, it’ll not be easy for her to be forgiving.

 

“To forgive… isn’t an option. Yoong… you leave me no choice.” Yoong had his head high, hearing the voice after a while of waiting.

 

Seohyun was staring at him, with burning eyes.

 

“Hyun… what do you mean?” He dared to asked.

 

The younger took a deep breath. Bringing the right words to her mind, she spoke once again. “Don’t ask for my forgiveness if from the start, you were not going to take it seriously.”

 

“Hyun, you know I’m sincere.”

 

“… and I’m sincere when I waited so patiently in order to be with you. Yoong, ONE YEAR. ONE YEAR. It wasn’t easy for me. I have to do everything I could in order to be here with you… and there you are, disappointing me again. Hurting me again! Do you know how excited I am to have a dance with you publicly?” Seohyun’s voice cracked, letting her tears dropping freely. She feels like going to explode sometime soon. and holding it for a while is what she could do as of the moment.

 

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” Yoong’s head, stayed still in the floor. What a shame for him to see that bitterness from his girlfriend. He has nothing from that sacrifice that his girlfriend had done to be able to be with him. He feels so shame. He feels so hatred towards himself. 

 

Seohyun scoffs. She couldn’t take it any longer and just say the words he needed to say due from this bitterness he was feeling.

 

“I understand too well that you couldn’t decline her because she was so innocent. Because she was so excited for that event. But have you tried to think too? You should’ve thought…. Who will be the girl you are going to hurt the most.  Yoong please! Be in your mind sometimes. Be a man please!!!”

 

Seohyun heaved a lot of breaths, pausing for a while. She bit her lower lip, suppressing the sobs she was going to escape. Her heart wasn’t in place at the moment. She wanted to explode and be a mature thinker as she is for this relationship she had with Yoong.

Glancing at her boyfriend’s sight, she felt so relieved that the latter was listening to her attentively. She feels like scolding him at this very moment. Well, she was. She was planning this all along.

 

“Yoong, I’m tired.” She said, quite in a low voice, to Yoong’s raising eyebrows.

 

“What are you trying—“

 

“You love me don’t you?” she continued, clenching like there’s no tomorrow, and gritting her teeth too

 

“Y-yeah… of course. I love you.”

 

“Then instead of asking for that stupid forgiveness. Give me one reason that you deserve it again. Prove to me, that the Im Yoong, I know from the start. Isn’t like… the Im Yoong, I know now.” She said, between her gritted teeth.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Let’s put it this way… I want to hear you… declining Krystal tonight.” She said it firmly. Fixing her eyes to those doe-eyes which is giving her so much pain.

 

“Are you—“

 

“Yes I am desperate right now. I am so desperate to be happy with my boyfriend... in that night.” 

 

“Hyun… it will be—“

 

“Hard? Definitely will be hard for you. I dare you. Don’t make it hard. Say it… like you mean it. Say it… because you want to be with me tomorrow.”

 

“Hyun—“

 

“If you can’t, then… let this be… don’t talk to me unless you have rejected her.”

 

With that said, Seohyun stood and walked away.

 

Yoong was left, doesn't know how to end the night. He was as if confused on whether to do the request from his girlfriend, or just stay to be once again defeated by his weakness,

 

 

*****

 

It’s so depressing. For her part. Why from all the guys in Dongguk that time, she had fall in love to someone who have nothing to do except for hurting her?

No, she really doesn’t see it like that. Yoong makes her happy, it’s just her boyfriend isn’t still the guy she expected to be. After one year of being apart seems not helping for him. He is still the soft guy who wouldn’t like to see someone hurt, especially if the person doesn’t deserve it. This is one of the treat she honestly love from her boyfriend.

But it seems the doe-eyed guy is forgetting something. She is different from Krystal. She is his girlfriend and Krystal is just a friend.

As much as she wants to let it slide, it was already too much. She doesn’t want to be weak anymore. She had enough from the past, and this isn’t just small topic, it is a BIG topic she should deal with.

She wants to see her boyfriend taking responsibilities for their love.

 

A man should act as a man.

 

--

 

Unlucky for her, walking alone in the night in this cold weather seems not right. She feels the tears once again streaming down from her eyes to her cheeks as she looked up into the night sky.

 

“Aigoo… what have I done?” she mutters so smoothly. She put her hood back to her head, as she continues to walk home with her two hands over her coat pocket.

 

--

 

Stepping inside her boyfriend’s room, she was greeted by Yoonghyun, barking at her. Lips instantly move upward being greeted by such a cute fox that would constantly remind her of her boyfriend. Bending down, she patted him and led him back to the room. She intentionally skips the bed and proceeds to the closet.

 

“need to pack now.” Mumbling to herself, she proceeds to bring her clothes out, placing it to her two luggage. Though she wanted to stay for the last time, she thinks it’ll be better if she can do it by tonight so that by tomorrow, she couldn’t bring it difficult anymore. She only has few things to behold.

 

As she packs her clothes and things to one place, she stopped and glances to the bed just right beside her. Her heart aches, remembering the sweet moments she had with her boyfriend. The kisses, tickling and the embraces miraculously give her a chuckle. She can’t believe that for the past 3 days, she had a lot of moment with him and it will only end her week with heartaches. But she believes, it will not.

 

“Hope you could hear my heartbeats right now Yoong.” She said, smiling in bitterness. She resumed to her doings not until she had remember again her boyfriend’s words earlier. Another smile again was seen from her as she remembers the g-cliff necklace, caressing it under her thumbs. It was unimaginable for her, to have such a sweet boyfriend.

 

“that doe-eyed guy. Why can’t you stop fluttering my heart?” she chuckle to herself, as she proceeds once again.

 

“Oh wait… “she finally realized it as she scoffs, can’t believe that her boyfriend missed something. “I can’t believe him, she missed to see my new look?”

 

 

*****

 

 

“Achoo~” one young man weakly walked in the hallway of H1 Dorm. His two hands are rubbing his nose as he would constantly sneezes too.

He feels so mess at the moment. Head is heavy; arms are heavy… and most especially, his Heart. It was all evidence that he had such a rough time today. His becoming so weak every step he would took until he intentionally stopped in front of one particular door.

 

Gulping, Yoong wasn’t so sure if this will be okay. There’s no turning back. He caused this and he should man up to his mistakes.

 

Be a man Please!!!

 

It knocks him. It knocks his senses. He wasn’t a man as he thought so. What is actually should a man do? That is he can’t answer.

 

Don’t talk to me unless you’ll reject her.

 

“I’ll reject her.” He was determined, as slowly his right hand lifted to knocks the door. He braces his self, taking a deep breath as he could hear the rapid footsteps approaching.

 

The door finally opens, revealing a messy haired girl, Krystal. He woke her up.

 

“Krys… Krystal.” He frowned at the sight. This isn’t a type of girl he wants to see at the moment.

 

Krystal’s eyes are half open for the guy who called her. But she instantly smiles upon confirming who just knock in the door. “Oppa… come in.” instinctively, she makes a way for the doe-eyed guy, allowing him to seat in their living room. Yoong sat in the living room, wandering around while Krystal makes her way to the kitchen to bring him cup of tea.

 

“Where’s Suzy?” He asked, realizing that the hyper girl wasn’t around. Krystal took her seat across him, after she places down the cup of tea between them.

Grabbing for the pillow in the side, she answered him.

 

“OH! She was with Boa Unnie at the moment Oppa—just picking her dress for tomorrow.” Yoong snap a sense to Krystal’s voice. One of the reason he agree on Krystal was the way the latter’s innocent voice would echoed his head.

He fell into silent as he could see Krystal’s curious eyes. Now is the time he should man up. He doesn’t want to do this just because he was asked. He wants to do this because he realizes his mistake. And right now, he will correct his mistake.

 

“Krystal, Umm… I’ll get this straight.” He started off.

 

“What is it Oppa?” Krystal was oblivious, taking a sip to her own tea, she raise a brow.

 

Yoong’s heart beats quickens, nervous to the point that he just want to make it as easy as is. He took a lot of detours to finally have his mind to say. This is only once, and nothing should feel regret. Whatever will be the outcome, he shouldn’t be regretting. He should stand on his decision. “Krystal… I am here not only because… I want to have a cup of tea with you. I want to say something so important.”

 

Krystal places down her tea in the table, quite confused. The eyes from Yoong were telling him to pay attention. So she decided to have her ears for him, instinctively wanting to hear another word from him.

 

Yoong on the other hand, take it as a cue when the younger places down the cup of tea. Another heavy breath, he hold on to his seat, letting his full determination to do it. “Earlier, I told-told… yo-you… “for all he cares, it is really so hard for him. But he could continue it even so.

 

“What is it Oppa?”

 

Yoong stayed in alert to the voice, he focuses back his tongue and moves it like he meant for it. “… About the party… “ he paused once again, seriously feeling the sweats all over his two hands.

 

“What about it Oppa?” It was too innocent for his eyes to see Krystal oblivious waiting for him to continue.

 

“Promise me something first.” He said, not leaving the girl’s eyes.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“That you will understand.”

 

“Understanding for what?”

 

“For… for what am I going to say.” He said, breathing smoothly as the talk goes.

 

“I see… say it Oppa.” Krystal just shrugged the demand, and just couldn’t wait patiently. She was so eager now.

 

Another pause from him, Yoong proceeds. “I want to say… I was wrong—no I made a mistake. Krystal, I am sorry… but… I suppose to decline you… I suppose to suggest you to find another guy rather than Me.” he bravely said, feeling really contented with his choosing words.

 

“Yes?” Krystal almost fell in her seat, hearing it unexpectedly. “Pardon?” but she doesn’t know if it was right.

 

Yoong man up and stood. “I’m sorry Krystal. Before I did agree in your offer, I promised my girlfriend to be with tomorrow. It was a mistake that I let it that way. I suppose to say that I don’t want to be your dance, but you were…. You were fast and cover me to what I suppose to say. Krystal, hope you understand. I don’t want to hurt you, but… hurting my girlfriend is more painful to do.” he said, feeling his heart beating too fast. He knows, he just disappoints her too. Or rather, hurt her.

 

Krystal fell to silent, dropping herself to the sofa. “It’s… its okay.” she tried to response, feeling her happiness she had for the entire day, slowly disappearing. She felt so dumb for even asking it while all along she was wrong in the first place. “It’s okay Oppa… I-I… understand. O-of course, you want to do it. I’m sorry, and I was… it seems I was a burden—“

 

“No. You aren’t Krystal. It was me who is just complicating things.” Yoong stared down to the younger. He could finally see those disappointing eyes. Now, he just hurt two people in one day. How bad he was. If it wasn’t for his stupid mistake, it wouldn’t be like that. He wouldn’t have felt the pain he caused. But it was there. The important thing was, he was able to be true to his self. He was able to say it. Blame his tongue who couldn’t really get to the point directly. Now, he had learned his mistakes. And there’s no point now to do it in another round.

Trying to handle the sight, Yoong composed his self. He took a deep breath and speaks once again. “I hope I can see you tomorrow too Krystal… and I am sorry again.” he said, as he finally drag his feet to the door and let a deep exhale once he got out.

For some unknown reason, he was starting to feel relieved. He was starting to see how it was unbelievable for him to finally have declined someone. How can something so wrong, felt right? It was so new for him. He feels being a new man.

 

Heavy steps filled the hallway as he continued to approach his room and step inside wishing his girlfriend would be inside.

 

Unfortunately, For the 2nd time of the night, he was met by an empty room. Instead of bragging it, he step inside his room in silent, knowing exactly that his girlfriend wouldn’t care to go back. He sat at the edge of the bed, to see the closet half open. Before he could assume his girlfriend flee away to Korea, he got a text from her.

 

From Baby Hyunnie: Just move to my original room.

 

He left a tired sigh after reading the text, before he replied: Had a talk with Krystal.

 

Tossing his phone to the side, he drop his heavy body to the mattress, still thinking on how to please his girlfriend. Yes, for tonight, he did man up and took responsibility with his mistake. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough for him. He should do more in the future.

 

“Yoong… don’t be stupid now. Hyunnie is here. She’s her for you. What was in the past that you did another mistake? Wow. I can’t believe you Yoong. It was nearly 2 years now… and you haven’t been the best boyfriend for her. “ Yoong scolded himself for the entire night.

 

 

 

*****

 

The next Day…

 

 

 

Seoul Hospital, South Korea

 

 

Jessica was seen in an empty bench, with her two hands in her phone—her eyes are busy scanning around. Her eyes wouldn’t leave the entrance to the Hospital.

 

“Where was he? I thought he’ll join me for lunch?” he mutters, bringing her phone to her ear. The other line will ring only, but no one will answer. Now she wonders where could probably be the tan guy?

 

“Aish! I can just ask at the information though.” Jessica did as she mutter, dragging her feet to enter the hospital. She was greeted by patients, visitors walking around the lounge of the said hospital.

 

Approaching the desk, he didn’t think twice and immediately asked about it. “Miss? Hmm… is Mister Kwon Yul available?”

 

“Nurse Kwon? Oh! he is not. Didn’t he tell you Miss Jung?”

 

“Yes? what is it?”

 

“Oh! I think he didn’t? He was on his way to Jeju Island now. He was tasked to have his last internship there.”

 

“Omo! Jessica Unnie?” Jessica was about to yell or something to the information girl when a familiar voice called her. She hold herself and took a snap look to the intruder.

 

“Are you here for Kwon Sunbae?”

 

“You guess it.” Jessica nonchalantly said.

 

“Well, I think you know already?”

 

“Yup Nicole. That tan didn’t tell me.” Jessica gritted her teeth, feeling a bit sad about the information. Yul didn’t told her, while all along yesterday, they were so happy—celebrating their anniversary.

 

“What are you going to do?” Nicole is quite amused for some unknown reason. This isn’t her first time to see Jessica like this—and she find it cute always.

 

“Nothing of course. I’ll just wait for his comeback. I’ll have my last internship next week too… “ Jessica replied, sitting to an empty bench. Nicole sat beside.

 

“It seems everybody was too busy eh?”

 

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

 

“Fany unnie was so busy too, causing Taeyeon unnie to be really so impatient.”

 

“Really? on proposing?”

 

“Yup! You guess it.”

 

“Why not I’ll join Taeyeon.” Jessica muttered to herself.

 

“What Unnie?”

 

“Oh no, no-no… I just said something to myself. Speaking of Taeyeon I think I should go now. I heard today they’ll clean their rental space. I’ll help. Hehe… “Jessica quickly left, not even minding to say goodbye to Nicole.

 

“Wai-wait… “

 

“Nurse Jung?” Nicole hesitantly look back, to see his professor glaring at her. She lowered her head, defeated

 

“ Doctor Park, I’m sorry… I’ll do my task now.” She said, following the doctor’s back.

 

-----------------------------------

 

“Taeyeon-ah!”

Taeyeon’s head tilted instantly, hearing her friend’s voice. She greeted her with a warm smile.

 

“Hey Jess. What’s up?”

 

“Oh! Wow. The place is good. When will be the opening?” asked Jessica, stepping inside the place. Taeyeon give her a seat, as she excuse herself and went back with a glass of apple juice.

 

“I don’t know yet. Yunho Oppa will be in charge for the stuffs.” Taeyeon informed.

 

“I see… anyway, I want to help cleaning, do you mind?”

 

“Yes? You?”

 

“Yeah… is there anything wrong about it?” Jessica chuckles, finding it ridiculous for the midget to be frowning.

 

“Uh… nothing… it’s just that… I use to see you—“

 

“Oh come on Tae-tae… you just missed a lot of me, that you even miss how I am so ea—“

 

Ring… ring… Ring…

 

Jessica stopped her sentence midway, hearing her phone ringing. She picked it up, only to see her sister calling her.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“My sister…. Wait, I’ll get this.” she said, as she stood and leave Taeyeon alone for a moment.

 

 

*****

 

Cambridge University.

 

Seohyun just had her first subject earlier, reasons why she is in a break in one of the table inside the Med Department’s study hall. As she scan around the place, she can see a lot of students studying like she is too, and even some students who are excited for the event at night. But despite her willingness to do her project today, she couldn’t bring herself to focus. Her thumb was actually playing to the g-cliff necklace while her mind was filled with her and Yoong in the ball.

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