"Cactus"

(A/N: Because Hakyeon is a sweetheart and my 80th chapter must be about what s meet to him)

 

 

Hakyeon's very first self-composed song was finally out in Korean and it was used as a donation where all the profits would go into charity. It's been a few months since all six members of VIXX sang the Japanese version of the song and Hakyeon still remembers how nervous he was when he handed out the scores to the younger members. Especially since the group already had Wonshik and Taekwoon, who both writes songs for the group, Hakyeon was extremely nervous to hand the two members the piece of paper. Even now, Hakyeon could still recall the younger members confused expression when they first received the song. They didn't believe that Hakyeon actually wrote the group a song.

"Cactus?" Wonshik asked the leader.

"Uh... yeah," Hakyeon averted his eyes since he was feeling both awkward and nervous at the same time.

The younger members all looked at the lyrics together and then, smiled at the leader.

"It sounds just like a song you'd write, Hakyeonie," Taekwoon smiled at his same-aged friend.

"Really?" Hakyeon tilted his head.

"Yeah."

"So our leader is now a composer too? Wow, we have like four now!" Jaehwan said excitedly. "Guess me and Kong have to step up our game, right?"

"Mhmm," Hongbin let out his usual dimple smile as he read the lyrics once more. "You never told us you were writing a song. When did you start?"

"It's been awhile... I wasn't going to release it at first but I showed it to Sejun-hyung and he told me I should take this chance to do so," Hakyeon explained.

"It's a nice song, hyung," Hyuk commented.

With the look of approval from s, Hakyeon felt a lot more confident and relieved that his song was accepted by the rest of the members. Eventually, they released the song in their Japanese album along with ' La La La ~ Thank you for your love'. 

To some people, the approval of the younger members may not seem like much and it could just be a small thing that anyone could forget. But for Hakyeon, it was a sign of happiness and it meant a lot for him to be able to see the positive reactions he got from s. A few months later, in order to help charity, Hakyeon started to officially write the song in Korean. He had to choose his words wisely because the feelings had to remain the same. But unlike the Japanese release of the song, this time, Hakyeon had to record the song by himself. It was not only going to be his self-composed song but it was also his solo song. 

He lost a lot of sleep while translating the song into proper Korean and trying to convey his words through the song. He can't help but feel impress by the two LR members at times because their songs are always so deep and well-written.

Hakyeon wasn't only nervous because it was his first self-composed song but it's because it was a song for s. 

He never told them the reason behind the meaning of the lyrics for 'Cactus' but it was all Hakyeon thought about when he was composing the song. Every word he wrote within the song was dedicated to s. 

Hakyeon always thought that him and s are worlds apart. Nothing about them are alike at all because each one of them are so different and unique from each other. Even their taste in music is different yet they're in the same Kpop group known as VIXX. It was a miracle that they were even able to stay together in the same dorm for this long. Even when they had the opportunity to live separately, they all agreed that it was more enjoyable to live together like family. 

For Hakyeon, being the leader and the oldest of VIXX, s are like his family and each one of them means a lot to him. But it wasn’t easy to get close to them at all. He had to overcome several hurdles in order to get to where they are today.

He sat down in the studio after listening to the official release of 'Cactus' to see what the responses were from his fans. They were all great responses and he was happy about the outcome. As he replayed the song over and over again in the background, he started to sketch stick figures on his notebook - 6 stick figures representing VIXX. 

He let out a smile as he thought back the times he spent with each of s.

 

Lee Hongbin.

Hakyeon has known Hongbin the longest amongst the members.

But it wasn't the best beginning and it took a lot of time for Hakyeon to really get along with the younger. Even after debut, their friendship was rather rocky. Hakyeon's first impression of Hongbin was 'a good-looking guy' but that was all Hakyeon knew about the younger. There were times where Hakyeon didn't understand why someone like Hongbin even wanted to be an idol when his face would fit being an actor more. Aside from being a Park Hyoshin fanboy, it was hard to tell what truly appealed to the younger about being an idol. 

Luckily, the two of them eventually figured out their differences and saw that as long as they had one goal in mind, they could get through anything. 

"I hope we get to debut together, hyung," Hongbin said almost every year since they were still trainees. 

That's when Hakyeon really thought he was close and important to Hongbin. Hongbin is not the affectionate type at all and though he cares about Hakyeon as a friend, he would never truly say what's on his mind. There are times where Hakyeon found it very frustrating to deal with the younger especially because of their age difference, Hakyeon often finds the younger rebellious. Hakyeon has been in that phase too in the past but when he realized that he was the oldest of the trainees, he knew he had more responsibilities as well as being a good role model. 

"Kong-ah, it's been awhile since we've hung out. What have you been up to?" Hakyeon asked one day in the dorms.

"Nothing," the younger gave a short response while playing his computer games.

Hakyeon knew that the visual have always liked playing games especially since one of his older sisters work for a large gaming company but it irritates the older every time he receives a one word answer from the younger. It's as if Hongbin could care less about Hakyeon. He can't understand why the younger always behave like that and it was annoying. Whenever Hakyeon gets annoyed at Hongbin, it would usually end up as a one-sided fight. Hongbin never seems to care whether or not he had angered the older and simply continues his life playing games or hanging out with his other friends. 

There were several times where Hakyeon wanted to just give up his friendship with Hongbin but each time he tried, Hongbin would either say or do something unexpected that causes Hakyeon to change his mind. 

"Kong-ah, how much do you trust me?" Hakyeon asked once when he began to question his position as the oldest and the leader of VIXX.

"Huh?" Hongbin was rather confused with where the question suddenly came from.

"Just answer me."

"I trust you, I guess?" Hongbin tilted his head while still being confused.

"Even if I make a wrong decision?"

"Did you do something wrong?"

"Just answer."

Hongbin let out a sigh. 

"Look, hyung. I don't care whether your decision is right or wrong and heck, you make decisions we question about all the time. But whether your decision is right or even wrong, I trust your choices and I'll follow you wherever you go. It's not like I can do anything by myself anyways. I'm stuck with you."

Hakyeon cracked a smile when he heard that. It was as if all his stress was instantly lifted from Hongbin's words. Though Hongbin could be a handful at times, he's still considerate especially towards Hakyeon. The two of them really have been stuck together since the beginning and though they may be different in some aspects, they're also similar in others. 

 

Kim Wonshik.

Same age as the handful Lee Hongbin, is Kim Wonshik or RAVI as he liked to name himself. He chose such a fancy stage name that Hakyeon never would have thought about. Wonshik came into the company not too long after Hongbin and he was an exceptional rapper as well as dancer compared to his same-aged friend. Hakyeon knew that Wonshik had everything it takes to be a celebrity but at the same time, he also questions why the rapper wanted to be in an idol group. Wonshik was very interested in solo artists, underground rappers and hip-hop. If he was so intrigued by those fields, why didn't he audition for bigger companies like YG or something? Why a small unknown agency like Jellyfish? 

Hakyeon was a bit wary about Wonshik's intentions in being an idol at first because the younger is constantly talking about branching out into other musical fields. The older couldn't understand whether or not he liked Wonshik to be honest especially since the younger didn't seem too passionate about being an idol. True, Wonshik was a great dancer and Hakyeon was often paired up with the younger for stage performances but their styles are way too different. Hakyeon never said it but he was often displeased that he couldn't really perform the contemporary dances he wanted and instead, he often performed the songs that Wonshik was interested in. 

"I don't think we can perform together after all," Hakyeon said one day.

"..."

Wonshik never said a word that day even after Hakyeon asked to change partners. The rapper never said anything. Was he relieved that he didn't have to cater to someone like Hakyeon as well? 

The rapper fools around a lot just like Hongbin but he's rather slow and dense when it comes to being sensible about the people around him. He's not good at reading other people's emotions and often say things that would frustrate Hakyeon who's waiting for an answer. Hakyeon knew that it wasn't very mature of him to lash out on Wonshik that day but he was irritated that he couldn't perform the dances he wanted to. He had enough of catering to other people where no one let him do the things he wanted. Is it because he's the oldest? 

"Hyung..." Wonshik peeked in Hakyeon's room one day and catching the older off-guard.

Hakyeon tried to ignore the younger and continued practicing the choreography that he thought of. 

Wonshik didn't say much and simply sat against the wall while watching Hakyeon practice alone on the dance floor. It was rather strange that the rapper wasn't saying much and a little awkward for Hakyeon who was trying to focus. The presence of Wonshik was a bit distracting...

"What?" Hakyeon finally stopped and asked.

"Did I do something wrong?" Wonshik finally said.

"What do you think?"

"Hyung... I'm not good at reading minds... if you don't tell me what I did wrong, I'll never know..." Wonshik found himself swallowing nervously.

Hakyeon could tell that the younger was breaking out a cold sweat just from asking the question. He let out a sigh and plopped down next to the rapper.

"You're seriously slow, you know that Kim Wonshik?" Hakyeon cracked a smile.

"I know... that's why if you don't say anything, I won't ever know what I did wrong."

"Well then~"

That's when Hakyeon realized just how oblivious Wonshik was. He wasn't sharp at all and he was horrible at reading other's expressions. He was great at expressing himself but was bad at knowing what others were thinking of. Hakyeon learned a lot from Wonshik to be honest and ever since then, Hakyeon decided to be truthful towards his feelings whenever he was talking with Wonshik. Strangely enough, Wonshik became the person who Hakyeon would often go to whenever the older felt stressed out about something. Wonshik didn't say much and it wasn't necessary for him to say anything at all. Instead, Wonshik was a good listener and he was patient whenever Hakyeon had something to tell him. Though Wonshik had a lot of points that still irritates Hakyeon, he was glad that there was someone like Wonshik to hear him out.

 

Jung Taekwoon.

Taekwoon is probably the one that Hakyeon had to take care of the most when they were still trainees. Taekwoon was a bit strange and quiet, so quiet that no one knew what was on his mind. Aside from being the silent type, Taekwoon liked to hide in the practice rooms to practice by himself instead of mingling with other people. Most of the trainees were afraid of Taekwoon just because he didn't have much to say. He was a really hard to approach type but he changes completely whenever he got a chance to sing. That's what made Hakyeon want to be closer to Taekwoon. Though they're the same age , they had nothing in common. There were several times when Hakyeon tries to go up to the latter to have a conversation about anything but Taekwoon would just ignore Hakyeon and go on with his practice. There was nothing else in Taekwoon's mind except for music and singing whereas Hakyeon wanted a lot more. 

Hakyeon really tried getting Taekwoon out of his shell and there were often times when he felt like Taekwoon was a lost cause. Each time Hakyeon was about to give up, Taekwoon would surprise him with the little things. For instance, Taekwoon has a soft spot for small animals and children.

"What are you looking at?" Hakyeon peeked over Taekwoon one day as they were taking a break from practice.

Taekwoon didn't hear Hakyeon through his earphones and continued to look at his phone with a slight smile.

He was looking at pictures of cats and dogs... 

Hakyeon couldn't believe his eyes, it felt so out of place to witness the cold Taekwoon looking so adoringly at pets. Does he want one? 

There are also times when Taekwoon would surprise Hakyeon by actually going up to the leader himself.

"Hakyeon-ah," he called out one day.

"Hmm?" Hakyeon was drenched in sweat from practicing their new choreography. 

"Can you teach me?" 

"W-what?" 

Taekwoon was great when it comes to singing and composing as well as writing really deep lyrics. But dancing on the other hand, was still something very new to Taekwoon. He struggled with it greatly and often got criticized for his stiff movements from their dancing instructor. He was trying really hard not to rely on the members and tried to improve by himself but eventually, he realized that he really couldn't do everything alone.He had to ask for help and the only person he could think of was Hakyeon. 

Hakyeon taught Taekwoon how to feel more at ease with his movements and gestures, the leader taught him all the basics to being a better dancer even when they had no comebacks to prepare for.

"Hakyeon-ah," Taekwoon said. "Thanks. I'm glad I have you here for me."

"You're welcome!" Hakyeon smiled proudly and happily from the vocalist's compliments.

It was hard to receive Taekwon's approval and whenever Hakyeon did get it, he can't help but rejoice at the small accomplishments he managed to get.

Though Taekwoon and Hakyeon's friendship isn't like how they are with the other members, or their friends who are outside of the group, the bond between them was still something they cherish greatly. Because the both of them know that when they need help, they can rely on the other at the most crucial times. 

Neither of them was alone.

 

Lee Jaehwan.

Is he a forienger? That was Hakyeon's very first impression of Lee Jaehwan. But the younger spoke perfectly good Korean and instead, was horrible when it came to other languages. Jaehwan was goofy and energetic, he always seem to have a lot of energy compared to any of the trainees ever since the beginning. Hakyeon had almost no problem with getting close to Jaehwan because the younger was great with people especially when he throws his adorable acts around. It was nearly impossible to get angry at Jaehwan but instead, the funny thing was that Jaehwan was fun to tease instead. Jaehwan doesn't particularly getting angry at people whenever the others joke or but instead, he would whine or pout adorably which made people want to even more. 

Hakyeon loved Jaehwan's company and the younger was the only one amongst the members who would often tell Hakyeon how much he loves the older as a leader. 

"You're seriously awesome, hyung!" Jaehwan constantly rooted for Hakyeon whenever they were practicing or watching each other practice in the studio.

"Thanks," Hakyeon ruffled Jaehwan's hair and happily accepting the compliment. 

But that being said, there were times when Hakyeon really did get mad at Jaehwan. If anyone could made Hakyeon angry, it would be Jaehwan. It wasn't because Jaehwan would make Hakyeon angry on purpose but it's because he doesn't intend to that it irritates Hakyeon a lot. Jaehwan can be quite aloof especially when practice gets too hard or dragged out. Jaehwan had a mindset of a child, he wasn't able to sit still or do something for a long time without going off tangent. Whenever they were practicing, Jaehwan would start jumping around or laughing without a care, instead of focusing on dance practice.

Jaehwan was great at singing and he had techniques that even Taekwoon didn't have. But when it comes to dancing, he never seems to focus on improving.

"Just singing alone isn't going to get you anywhere, Jaehwan-ah," Hakyeon remember telling that to the younger once before. 

"I don't care," the younger replied without hesitation.

That was the time when Hakyeon got really mad at Jaehwan. He didn't like the fact that Jaehwan was treating their dances as if it was nothing. The group had a rough start in the beginning after their debut and there really weren't many fans to begin with. Hakyeon was experiencing a stressful time as an idol and it irritated him even more to see or hear how uncaring Jaehwan was at their situation. Doesn't he know that the group was on the verge of breaking up? Hakyeon didn't understand why Jaehwan wouldn't want to try harder to improve his dancing or worried that he might not be an idol any longer? Is it because he doesn't care for anything except playing and singing?

Hakyeon wanted to stay angry at Jaehwan for a long time, and he really did. Eventually, the two of them were behaving awkwardly at one another and often ignored each other for a long time. But being in the same group, there are things that they can't avoid. Hakyeon was stressed out about the group's possible disbandment and eventually shut himself out from the group. He was tired of arguing with the members and would often try to find ways to not see s instead. That's when Jaehwan finally gave in and approached the leader first.

"Hyung. . ." Jaehwan grew timid and his usually loud voice grew dim . He's never been as quiet as he was now and even Hakyeon was taken by surprised . "I'm sorry, so please stop being angry at me. I'll try harder for you, hyung so please, come back to us."

Hakyeon's heart sank when he realized how hurt Jaehwan was about their relationship drifting apart. Eventually, Hakyeon gave in but in exchange, Jaehwan made a promise to his leader that he would practice harder when it comes to dancing and Hakyeon would continue being the supportive leader that he really is.  

 

Han Sanghyuk.

Out of all the members, Sanghyuk or Hyogi as Hakyeon loves to call him, is the one member who he spent the least amount of time with. Hakyeon still remembers the small displeasure he had when Sanghyuk suddenly joined in their survival show. Hakyeon was very strict on the younger and often demanded the younger to catch up with the rest of the trainees. But as demanding as Hakyeon was, the younger would still listen obediently. Seeing how docile the younger was, Hakyeon couldn't stay angry at Sanghyuk but he ended up spoiling the younger even more.

"Our Hyogi~ Good job!" Hakyeon often praised Sanghyuk after all their practices or recording. 

"Heh," Sanghyuk cracked up a smile when he got his hair ruffled by Hakyeon.

But Sanghyuk was a growing child, who made his debut while he was still finishing high school. He was experiecing one of those rebellious modes that all teenages would eventually go through. Hakyeon didn't mind though, he thought that was even more adorable and complimented the younger even more. He knew how hard Sanghyuk tried to catch up with the other members even after debut. He's seen the younger looking at the forums, reading the criticism he got from netizens before. Hakyeon tried to tell Sanghyuk not to mind those things but he could tell that Sanghyuk took every word to heart.

"Leave me alone!" Sanghyuk flung Hakyeon's hands away while the leader was trying to pat him.

"Hyogi..."

"Don't call me that! I'm not a kid anymore."

Hakyeon could tell how much Sanghyuk wanted to grow up. And he really did. Sanghyuk grew to be the tallest of the group and eventually, Hakyeon could no longer ruffle the boy's hair whenever he pleases. Watching Sanghyuk grow was a little bit painful for Hakyeon because he saw how fast the younger was growing to be. Deep down inside, he really wishes that Sanghyuk would stay as a child forever. Hakyeon tried his best to put a little distance between him and Sanghyuk because he knew how much the younger didn't like the affections but it was hard to hold back. Everytime he saw Sanghyuk doing well or performing well, he couldn't help but want to jump at the younger for a hug and tell him that he's done a great job. 

Hold back. I have to hold back, Hakyeon kept telling himself for the longest time. 

But that being said, Hakyeon felt like crying multiple times when he realized that there's a very apparent distance between him and s. When VIXX eventually won their first win on a music show, it wasn't simply the tears of finally being recognized that Hakyeon had but he broke down from all the stress he felt. It was hard being a leader of five other strangers and it was hard for him to change who he really is in order to cater to other people's personalities. 

"Hakyeon-hyung," Sanghyuk found Hakyeon crying to himself that night after their first win. "Are you okay?"

Hakyeon simply nodded and hid his tears from the younger. He was trying to wipe away his tears immediately and go back to acting as the oldest of the group. He thought that Sanghyuk would obediently leave him alone to cry but instead, the younger pulled him for a warm hug.

"It's okay, hyung. You can cry. You've been through a lot because of me, because of us, right? Sorry," Sanghyuk apologized while giving the older a gently back rub.

Though Sanghyuk, like the other members, are hard to approach or show their true feelings most of the time, they're alway there for Hakyeon whenever the leader needed someone the most. The relationship between the six members are unexplainable and sometimes even questionable to outsiders, but they know that that's how they really are and Hakyeon eventually got used to that kind of chemistry with s.

 

It's be nice if they were more straightforward, though, Hakyeon looked at the lyrics for 'Cactus' once more after watching his recording video on YouTube. He was scrolling through the comment sections to see what the reactions are and on the otherside, he was focusing on how much money this single song could earn for charity. Hakyeon have been doing many charitable activities lately, so he couldn't help but take nottice of it all.

Knock. Knock.

"Hyung, you're still awake?" Sanghyuk peeked into the leader's room.

"Uh, yeah. I'm just checking the comments on the video. Why aren't you asleep yet?" Hakyeon asked the younger.

"Can you come out for a second?"

"Hmm? Sure, I guess?" Hakyeon followed the younger questionably.

As soon as Hakyeon entered the kitchen, candles were lit and party crackers went off, making the leader jump in surprise.

"Congratulations on your song, hyung!" Jaehwan along with the other members all gathered in the kitchen. 

"W-what?" Hakyeon was still stunned from the surprise party.

"What do you mean what? It's a good day to celebrate your song's release, Hakyeonie," Taekwoon pulled his friend towards the table to reveal a tiny chocoloate-strawberry cake for the leader.

"Is this really for me?" Hakyeon was in disbelief still.

"Of course, now blow the candle, hyung," Hongbin said.

"Thanks, guys. I don't really know what to say..."

Hakyeon could feel his tears wanting to come out a little just from this mini surprise event. 

"Seriously thanks. I didn't think you guys would care about this..."

"What do you mean? Of course we'd care. We pay a lot of attention to you just as much as you always pay attention to us," Wonshik told him.

"Really?"

"Of course."

Hakyeon looked at the members, tears holding back on this happy evening. He blew out the candles and gathered at the table with his beloved members in order to share the small piece of cake they got him. It was small but it was just enough to fill Hakyeon's heart completely. 

"Thanks, guys," Hakyeon said once more. He couldn't stop being grateful to s.

"We should be the one saying that," Taekwoon told him. "Thanks Hakyeonie, for always being here for us."

"Yeah, thanks hyung. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be able to get this far," Wonshik said.

"Mhmm! We're seriously grateful for everything you've done for us, hyung," Jaehwan smiled happily at Hakyeon and gave the leader a precious hug.

"You've always done so much for us that this isn't even close to what you've gone through for the group. We should be the ones saying thanks instead," Hongbin added.

"That's right. If you ever need someone, just remember that you'll have the five of us by your side," Sanghyuk said as well. 

That night was a precious night for Hakyeon and he would always cherish it in his heart. It was another night where he's thankful that he's met the five younger members and was able to debut in the group called 'VIXX'. 

 

 

A/N: This 80th chapter took me a long time to write actually. I had the idea for it since Cactus Korean Version came out but I wanted to make this sound extra special. Forgive me seldom update on this one shot series lately since I'm trying to focus a little more on my main series. But I still hope you guys liked it!