First Step to Being Independent

"Hey guys, are you all free next week?" Hakyeon asked the members while the six of them were around the dorms for dinner.

"I am~" Jaehwan said nonchalantly while munching on his food.

"I've got musicals, sorry," Taekwoon said without paying much attention.

"I'm out too," was the only thing Wonshik cared to say.

"How about you two?" Hakyeon asked the two younger members who were too busy gaming on their phones.

"We're out too, hyung," Hongbin answered.

"Both of you?"

"Yeah," Hyuk said.

"Can't you guys ever make some time for me" Hakyeon whined a little.

"Huh?" the others were confusing at Hakyeon's strange behavior and tone. 

"Is something wrong, hyung?" Jaehwan asked a little worried.

"Nothing. I just thought that you guys can come to my mini party," Hakyeon said.

"Party? Your birthday has been over since ages ago and Christmas isn't until next month," Hongbin said in confusion.

"Not that. My first house-warming party," Hakyeon said.

"House-warming? Who's? What are you saying?" everyone questioned at once.

"What do you mean what I'm saying? I'm moving next week, so I wanted to have you guys come over first before I welcome my parents. I've already finished packing most of my things already and none of you guys even bothered to help when I asked," Hakyeon told them.

"Wa-wait... MOVING?!" the five of them shot up from their seats, Jaehwan almost spat out his food and the rest were just dumbfounded.

"Moving? Next week? When was this? How come I didn't hear anything about this..." Taekwoon dropped his chopsticks dramatically on the table since he was too surprised to know how to react properly.

"When? I told you guys that like half a year ago. You guys said you were okay with it and totally couldn't wait until I moved out. I asked you guys, remember?" Hakyeon's brow tilted upwards in confusion as to why the members seemed so astonished for an already-known fact.

"You did?" Wonshik tried to recall.

Hakyeon did. 

Half a year ago, Hakyeon asked the members what they would think about him moving out and finding his own place since it has been on his bucket list for the longest time. He wanted to be independent and live on his own with his own hard-earned money. So, he's been saving up his money to get his own place. He spent months looking for an apartment and even mentioned it to s, the members all nodded in agreement when Hakyeon asked if they were okay with the leader moving out.

"We thought you were joking!" Hongbin couldn't sit down as it was too much of a shock for him.

"I was serious. I've even mentioned this several times," Hakyeon reminded him.

"But... but..."

Hakyeon looked at the members for a minute, realizing they had completely brushed what he said aside as a joke, and just let out a deep sigh.

"Well, whatever. If any of you guys can make it, let me know," Hakyeon said without trying to explain himself any further and got out of his seat to put his plate into the sink.

After Hakyeon retreated to his room to continue packing his things, the members finally snapped back to reality.

"W-what are we going to do?" Jaehwan asked in worry." Is hyung really leaving us?"

"Seems like it... dammit, I really thought he was kidding when he told us that so I completely forgot," Wonshik sighed.

"Me too, that's why I even joked and said it was fine," Hongbin admitted. "It's not like I actually meant it..."

"Does this mean that our dorm won't have Hakyeon-hyung anymore?" even Hyuk found himself gulp in anxiety.

"A VIXX dorm without Hakyeonie..." Taekwoon fell into a gloomy thought along with the others.

But it was reality.

Hakyeon eventually finished packing his things for real and before anyone could even say goodbye, the movers came in to help Hakyeon move his things to the new place. The members, especially Taekwoon and Jaehwan, were all too busy with their musical schedules to see their leader off. And with much regret and unable to even say goodbye, Hakyeon left their dorms.

Hongbin came home that day to realize how quiet the dorms were. When he passed by Hakyeon's room, the room was completely empty and not a single piece of furniture was left inside.

[ One of you guys can use my room now. Decide who between you guys, do what you want. Good luck!] Hakyeon sent the message in their group chat after sending a picture of his empty room to them.

As much as they all wish to have their own room, no one dared to touch Hakyeon's room at all. It just didn't feel right.

"Stupid Cha Hakyeon... why the hell did he have to just go like that? Doesn't he ever think about us?" Hongbin hit his head against the wall and closed his eyes with a sigh. The room has already been emptied out and only the lingering scent of Hakyeon's homemade candles remained. But for how long?

"Did he really leave?" Taekwoon popped up from behind Hongbin after finishing up with his musical.

"Yeah, everything is gone."

"I see... I think... I'll miss him," Taekwoon tried hard not to admit it but it was hard to lie to himself. He thought about how sad it would be when he returns home from his schedule but no one to greet him on their sofa anymore. That empty and lonely feeling... it was unexplainable. "I wish I could've seen him off this morning."

"I don't," Hongbin said. "If I saw him off this morning, I'd probably just lose all my composure and tell him not to leave. He'd definitely tease me about it afterwards too."

"You've being honest for once," Taekwoon mocked.

"It's not like there's anyone here to lie to anymore..."

"Haha, I guess. But you'll miss him, won't you?"

"Yeah... you too, won't you?"

"Of course."

"Did Hakyeon-hyung mention when he's having that house-warming thing?"

"Not sure but he said he'll give us the details later. I hope I can make it somehow. I do want to see what kind of place he chose."

"I don't know if I should but I am curious about what it looks like. I wonder if it's far... wait, where is it?" Hongbin suddenly realized that they knew absolutely nothing about where the leader's new home was.

If it was close to them, then they can always meet up but if it's far, then it's almost near impossible.

"Ugh! This is driving me nuts!" Hongbin scratches his head. "He didn't even fully ask us for permission to move out!"

"He's a grown man," Taekwoon was trying to sound mature compared to Hongbin but he understood what the younger was feeling as well.

Click.

"Hyung! Hakyeon-hyung!" Jaehwan comes rushing into the dorms as soon as he opened the fornt doors. He dashed straight to where Hakyeon's room was but only to find an empty room with Hongbin and Taekwoon chatting inside. "He's really gone..."

"Don't make it sound like he's dead," Taekwoon shook his head at the younger.

"But he's really gone! Our Hakyeon-hyung doesn't live with us anymore," Jaehwan suddenly felt weak and wanted to cry. "I don't like this."

"..." Hongbin and Taekwoon looked at each other and then looked at Jaehwan as well in silence. All of them understood too well the empty feeling they felt now that the leader was really gone.

It wasn't just loneliness but also sadness and betrayal at the same time.

It's been a week since Hakyeon moved out and though the members have been busy with their own schedules, they couldn't take their minds off of thinking of Hakyeon. Unlike when Hakyeon used to live in their dorm, the leader rarely texted them in their group chat or nagged them to get home faster. It was strange and the members found themselves having a hard time imagining a dorm without their leader in there. They found themselves passing by Hakyeon's old room to ask for questions even though he wasn't there anymore. The member would stand there at the doorway, stare blankly at the empty room and then come to realization that everything was reality.

Hongbin found himself unable to concentrate on gaming because there was no one to nag him to keep his voice down or knock on his door to tell him to go to sleep earlier. And, there was no one for him to pester or run to the front of the door, shout out the leader's name randomly, and then run back to his own room as if nothing happened. Hongbin suddenly missed those times so much that he couldn't enjoy his usual games as he did in the past.

Taekwoon also felt helpless whenever the younger members got into an argument over the smallest things. Ever since Hakyeon moved out, there has been an awkward silence and heavy atmosphere around the dorms. Little things would cause the members to argue or even ignore each other. Taekwoon, now the oldest in the dorms, wants to settle the situation between the members but he's not used to it at all. After all, it has always been Hakyeon who was in charge of that. 

Wonshik, though seldom goes back to the dorms himself, found it awkward whenever he does return to their dorms. In fact, he found himself going back to the dorms a little more often then in the past. He would use the excuse of getting more clothes or taking a shower but in reality, deep down inside, he had hoped that the next time he returned home, the leader would be back for good. Hakyeon have always waited at the dorms and ready to bug the rapper whenever a chance appears. Now, there was no one to cling onto him or even comfort him.

Jaehwan also pondered back and forth around Hakyeon's empty room especially now that all of his schedules were over. He was very excited at first, thinking that after his musical schedules are over, that he could spend some time hanging out with the leader at home but now, even that was gone. He used to go to Hakyeon's room a lot compared to the rest of the members and sometimes even sat on Hakyeon's bed to chat with the leader of his problems. Hakyeon have always been there to listen to him but now, even that bed was gone. 

Then, there was Hyuk. He didn't say much after Hakyeon left and it was hard to find him home compared to before unlike the others. He often went out in the middle of the night with his friends just so that he didn't have to feel the empty void around the dorms. When he hung out until late in the past, Hakyeon would send him a message asking him when he'd be back or how worry he was for the maknae's safety. But now, he never got those messages because Hakyeon wouldn't even know if the younger was out or not anymore.

The dorm was strangely quiet and the members suddenly found themselves having a hard time adjusting to a dorm with only five of them together. They knew that they wouldn't be living together forever but they didn't think that it would happen so fast. And unexpectedly, the first person to leave the dorm would be their leader too.

It wasn't just Hakyeon who suddenly became independent by living alone but now, the members has to get used to the fact that there isn't Hakyeon around to take care of them either. It's not like any of them are willing to let go of Hakyeon but, sometimes, they have learn to be independent as well and this was their first step to doing so. 

By letting go of Hakyeon.

"How's your new place?" his manager asked Hakyeon as the leader sat around during his break from filming.

"Good," Hakyeon said as he sat down with a grunt. "But I still have a lot of unpacking to do."

"You could have asked the members to help you. It's not good for your back," the manager reminded him.

"No, it's okay. It's better if they didn't help me so much."

"What do you mean?"

"I said I wanted to be independent, didn't I? If I rely on them all the time, I think it'll be hard for me to move on."

"Move on? You sound like you just broke up with your lover."

"Isn't that a similar feeling? At least, I feel like it is," Hakyeon sighed with a little chuckle. "All this time, living with them all these years, it has nothing but precious memories. But sometimes... it's hard."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Times when I have to be alone at home... whenever everyone has a schedule or out with friends, I always feel like I was left behind. At first, I didn't mind waiting at home for them because I loved greeting them home and seeing them back safely but after awhile, it just got lonelier and lonelier. I love my members a lot, honestly I do. But sitting on that sofa, as if I liked it, it was hard on me because it was always so cold and empty. It's a big sofa for all of us to crowd on it and watch TV together or just chat whenever we had the time. But eventually, as all of us got older, I ended up being the only on there. It's scary."

Hakyeon thought he could get used to waiting and he thought he was ready to separate eventually. He thought he wasn't going to move out on his own until he got married or get a girlfriend but suddenly, a fearful thought lingered in his mind.

What if I grow too used to waiting? What if I go home and there was no one to wait for anymore? 

He thought that the longer he stayed in the dorms, the harder it would become to truely be independent in the future so, he thought about breaking away quickly before it got too hard for him. He often found himself feeling cold and lonely on days when the members would go out on their own. He would knock on their dorms to come out and chat together but the younge ones are always too busy gaming and ignoring him when they're too focused. Both Jaehwan and Taekwoon were seldom in their dorms as well now that their musical career have gotten more steady with more offers too. The two vocalist would go out in the morning for rehearsals and not return until late after their musical schedules as well. Then there was also Wonshik, who was never home anymore because he slept in his studio more. Hakyeon always sent text to s asking them when they would return home but one text after another, there were no replies and eventually, Hakyeon grew tired of getting no respond. He grew tired of hoping for something... 

Maybe it's better to separate now before it's too late. 

So, Hakyeon decided to be the first one to part. 

A/N:

Sorry for these rare updates! Actually, I write a lot of drafts and ideas on my phone whenever things happen with VIXX but I never get around to finishing them up and this was a very sad one. I was kind of listening to some ballads and sad songs at the time when I wrote this hence, this oneshot came out.