"Separation Issues"

[Morning, Kong-ah!] 7:00am.

[Are you awake yet?] 7:20am.

[Did you play games all night again?] 8:10am.

[Don't stay up too late!] 8:30am.

Message read. 12:00pm.

Hongbin looked at his phone with displeasure as he finally opened his eyes by noon. He didn't fall asleep until almost five in the morning and as he was just about to fall deep into slumber, he kept hearing his phone vibrate nonstop with messages. He read the messages sent earlier in the morning through his lock screen notifications and didn't bother to reply to any of them because it was way too early to care, even if those messages were from his leader.

"If you care so much about me, you shouldn't have moved," Hongbin said to his phone finally scrolling back at Hakyeon's messages. He wanted to reply but he wasn't in the mood to do so.

He was still in the midst of sulking.

No one really knows and Hongbin is very good at acting as if he didn't care but it's been months since their leader have moved out and still, Hongbin could not get used to it. 

Hakyeon's room was still in one place and he does occasionally come back to visit the members or stop by at night. Each time Hakyeon did come back, the first thing he does is whine about the fact that neither Taekwoon or Hongbin have come over to his apartment to visit yet.

It wasn't as if Hongbin wasn't curious about the kind of place Hakyeon chose to live alone but he was disappointed that the older would move out so suddenly without consulting to any of them in detail. Hakyeon insisted on moving out and when he did, the time they spent together or seeing each other grew less. Aside from the younger members, Taekwoon have also started living with his parents as well. So, in the end, the dorms were left with only three people - Jaehwan, Hongbin, and Hyuk, since Wonshik rarely came home in the first place.

It wasn't as if Hongbin was fully against Hakyeon living alone and he could understand why the oldest would want to eventually move out, but wasn't it a bit too early?

Hongbin grunted once more and tossed his phone on his bed while stomping into the kitchen for lunch.

Bzz. Bzz. 

[Make sure you eat properly.] 12:40pm from N-hyung.

"Ugh!!" Hongbin shouted to himself. Every single one of Hakyeon's messages were driving him nuts.

"Hyung, I can hear you all the way from my room," Hyuk peeked into the kitchen.

"I can hear you from inside the inside of Hyogi's room too," Jaehwan poked his head inside as well.

"I know Hakyeon-hyung isn't here to complain but you should think of our neighbors. They're going to complain about the noise level again and this time, we won't have Hakyeon-hyung to go apologizing to them about it," Hyuk lectures.

"Tell that to Jaehwan-hyung. He's louder than me," Hongbin said and glared at the oldest at the dorms at the moment.

"Aww~ then we'll just call Hakyeon-hyung to come back and apologize for us!" Jaehwan said jokingly. "I miss Hakyeon-hyung."

Jaehwan let out a sigh.

"That's why we're going over there now, since you keep complaining about it," Hyuk said to Jaehwan.

"Where?" it peeked Hongbin's curiosity.

"Hakyeon-hyung's place! I told hyung I really, really, really miss him a lot and he said to come over since he's also bored at home," Jaehwan finally showed a wide and bright smile while thinking about visiting Hakyeon soon.

"Do you want to come with us? You haven' gone to hyung's place yet, have you?" despite what it looks like, Hyuk have probably been to Hakyeon's place the most out of all the members. 

"I haven't and I don't plan to," Hongbin said and turned his head away to focus on the empty fridge.

"Well, suit yourself. We're leaving now so just try to keep the noise level down," Hyuk said and pulled Jaehwan away as the two left the dorms to visit their leader.

Hongbin rushed out the living room and looked down from the balcony to watch the two members leave the dorms. He saw Jaehwan's fancy Porsche drive out from the parking lot and headed towards where Hakyeon was living.

Bzz. Bzz. 

[Hyogi and Jaehwannie is coming over today, you coming too?] Hakyeon sent another message.

"Now you ask me?!" Hongbin shouted angrily at his phone since it was too late for regrets.

Half an hour had gone by and Hongbin was sure that both Jaehwan and Hyuk have already reached their leader's apartment by now, all of them were probably chatting away and having a blast. Hongbin can just imagine Jaehwan clinging tightly onto Hakyeon the moment they arrive and Hakyeon probably rushed out to give a big hug to his two favorite members.

Hongbin grumbled in jealousy just by imagining it and tried hard to keep himself occupied by other things. 

"You know what? I can have fun even without you guys," Hongbin said yet no one was there to listen to him.

He turned his computer on and logged into his game. He played a few rounds, shooting down the enemies and taking his anger out on them. It was usually a stress reliever for him and he knew he was good at it but Hongbin was completely distracted by his phone notifications popping up in their group chat. The others must be talking about Hakyeon's new place again.

Hongbin flipped his phone around so he couldn't see the screen and then turned up his volume a little more. 

Hours of gaming, his eyes were starting to hurt a little. He had to call for a break finally and get some rest before he really kills his eyes. He didn't do as good as he usually would since he found it very hard to concentrate but at least it wasn't as bad as he thought he'd do. He took off his headsets and turned off the monitor for a second.

Hongbin let out a deep sigh and rested his eyes.

But just as he did, something rustled from behind him, startling him and making him turn around immediately.

"You finished?" it was Hakyeon.

"H-hyung?!" Hongbin stood up from his chair both shocked and confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm? Well, you weren't coming over and we were getting bored without you. So, I decided to come back for a visit instead," Hakyeon said. "It's not good to stay at home all the time."

"Speak for yourself," Hongbin talked back.

"Heh, I guess."

"Where's Jaehwan-hyung and Hyuk?" 

"They went out to grab some beer. We should have a party tonight or something," the leader suggested.

"A party for what? You can't even drink well," Hongbin reminded the older. "What if you get drunk and can't go home?"

"That's okay. I am home already."

"Huh?"

"Well, this is still my home, you know?"

"You don't even have much left here and Wonshik has already been using your room to throw his clothes around in it. I don't think you have a bed anymore," Hongbin told him.

"That's fine~ I'll just crash on your bed then," Hakyeon jokes.

"What? No way!" Hongbin refused strongly and pushed Hakyeon off his bed as soon as the older sat down.

"You still haven't changed your sheets? You're really like a grandmother, should I buy you a new set?" Hakyeon teased as he looked around Hongbin's room with interest.

"That's none of your business, anyways get out of my room," Hongbin continues to nudge the leader out of his room.

"Okay~ okay~" Hakyeon laughs at how annoyed Hongbin was looking. "Kong-ah."

"Huh? What?"

"Have you been avoiding me?" Hakyeon's tone of voice suddenly dropped into a more serious one.

"N-no?" the younger accidentally answered a question with a question.

"You're not replying much to my messages and even when we have schedules together, you don't talk to me either. Did I do something wrong?"

No, you didn't... it's me, Hongbin kept the answer to himself.

"You're just overthinking. It's nothing," Hongbin said continued to push Hakyeon away.

"Kong..." Hakyeon's voice dropped a little and even Hongbin noticed the leader was upset.

"Look, hyung, don't worry about me. Just go back out there and have fun."

"But I am worried!" Hakyeon shouted. "I miss you guys a lot and whenever I message you guys, you guys never respond to me. I feel so left out. Just because I moved out doesn't mean that I don't care about what's going on here."

"Then you shouldn't have moved out!" Hongbin shouted back.

"Kong..."

"Look. You're the one who decided to move out on your own. There's no one to blame but yourself. None of us told you to move out. There was nothing wrong with the six of us living together for the longest time. I know Wonshik is rarely home, but nowadays, he comes home more than you come to visit. Even Taekwoon-hyung who went back to his parents would bring back some food from time to time and hang out with us. But what about you? You said I should go out more often, but you can't even make time to come back here and visit us? Why do we have to be the ones to go visit you when you can just come back home yourself? Don't you find this a bit strange? What's wrong with being back at a home you already had to begin with?" Hongbin almost lost his breath as he lashed out his frustrations at the leader.

"But I-"

"What? You wanted to be independent? Based on what? Look at you now, you're back here because you find it boring living by yourself right? You keep getting Jaehwan or Hyuk to come visit you because you hate the silence at home and no one to talk to. Then, why'd you move out in the first place? What difference does this make if you're just going to miss us so much? Have you even asked any of us how we feel about you moving out?" Hongbin almost felt like crying as he continued to yell at the leader and revealing what he thinks.

"I'm sorry... I didn't think you'd hate it so much," Hakyeon found himself apologizing as he noticed Hongbin's eyes were becoming redder and redder.

"Why did you decide to move out at times like this? Even next month... you'll be enlisting," Hongbin said. "That means we won't even see you for a long time. Why couldn't you wait until you come back from services to move out?"

"I didn't know I was going to get the notice so suddenly. I just..." Hakyeon was having a hard time trying to find the words to persuade Hongbin because even he felt bad about suddenly moving out and it did not cross his mind that his moving out would cause the younger to become to frustrated. "I'm sorry."

Hongbin looked down towards the floor, hiding his fallen expressions and tears rushing out. He kept trying to hold back his frustrations and loneliness from the leader but it was very hard. Hiding his feelings were harder to do especially when the leader is the one who stood in front of him. He slowly approached the leader and leaned his head on Hakyeon's shoulders.

"I don't need anymore sorrys. I just wish you could come back home and stop going to places where I can't see you. Stop being in places where I'll miss you," Hongbin said as he wrapped his arms around Hakyeon tightly and desperately. "Just come back... please."

"I... I can't make that promise," Hakyeon said. 

"Why?" Hongbin didn't understand.

"Just like you said, I'm not used to being separated from you guys. In fact, I'm so bored at home all the time that I can't help but bother you guys. I'm not used to living alone but it's also something I need to get used to eventually. We can't live together forever. We'll eventually grow old, have our own family, and have lives of our own. If I don't get used to that life now, what am I going to do when I really need to say goodbye?"

"Why do you have to say those things?" 

"But that's reality, Hongbin-ah. That's just how things will be. We can fight it all we want, not believe it all we want but that's reality. We just need to accept it," Hakyeon's voice also broke out a little as he held Hongbin back. "I'm sorry, Kong-ah. Really."

I hate this. I hate all of this. Being separated, having to go through this kind of pain... what's so good about reality when it's so painful to begin with? Why do I have to feel this way? Why does being separated by the people you care and love the most so painful? If only these kinds of feelings don't exist, I'd be okay. 

Before Hongbin realized it, Hakyeon have already become a bigger part of his life than he thought. He spent half of his life being with Hakyeon and the two were almost inseparable, being family or being friends. But now, everything has changed and that change was not a sweet one. 

I don't want to get used to this. I don't want to get used to not having you by my side.

A/N

Don't hate me for this sob-fest. I'm just an angsty child since end of February is nearing and we all know what that means... *sigh*

Someone hold me and cry with me a little.