"The Last Kiss"

(Act I)

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Taekwoon suddenly asked Hakyeon in the van after they finished their radio show together.

"Nothing, why?" Hakyeon asked as he stared tiredly into the night sky.

"N-nothing..." Taekwoon gave up with carrying on the conversation. 

Hakyeon went back look at the sky without really trying to talk with the vocalist. The older of the two friends have gotten really quiet and gloomy lately that Taekwoon didn't know what to do or what was on his friend's mind. He dug out his musical script and tried to distract himself from the awkward silence in the car.

Lately... it's like we don't have anything to talk about anymore... Taekwoon thought as he simply stared at the script without even paying much attention to the text. 

He's been busy and constantly away from the dorms because of his musical activities and his activities in VIXX LR. He only just realized that he really hasn't spent much time with Hakyeon as he used to and it seems to him that Hakyeon spends way more time with the younger member than with the person who's the same age as him.

That thought alone was rather demotivating for Taekwoon especially since he really did want to talk with Hakyeon more. It's just, he didn't know where to start especially because it's usually the latter who initiates the conversation. 

But he guess he reaps what he sows. Every time Hakyeon pesters him to have a conversation, Taekwoon would simply ignore the latter or give really short answers. So the leader must've given up on him or had a change of heart. 

Taekwoon let out a very demotivating sigh as he just stared at the script of text he couldn't comprehend.

"Um, g-goodnight," Taekwoon said to Hakyeon as he saw the leader retreat to his bedroom the moment they entered their dorms.

"Nights," Hakyeon simply said and closed his doors. 

I'm such an idiot. Why is it so hard? Taekwoon said to himself. He never thought he would end up having such difficulties trying to have a conversation with Hakyeon. 

Taekwoon couldn't sleep peacefully that night as he thought about Hakyeon and the many ways he wished to be able to talk with the leader like they used to. He couldn't help but feeling the regret and hoping that he could maybe, somehow, turn back time so that he could accept Hakyeon's warmth than push him away. As he rolled around on his bed, he dug out his musical script once more hoping that he would eventually fall asleep while he read the script. 

That's when he was suddenly hit with one of the lines from the musical...

“It is better to die all at once than to die a little every day.” 

Taekwoon swallowed hard as those words suddenly rung through his mind. He's heard, said and seen those words multiple times now but it never struck him as hard as it did right now. Somehow, it became so painful just reading that line. He couldn't help but feel like he was dying away little by little throughout the days where Hakyeon didn't talk to him as much anymore. It was an unbearable pain that he wish would just go away already. 

That night was proven to be a very difficult time for Taekwoon to fall asleep. Though he read through and practiced his script throughly, he still felt like he didn't rehearse properly at all. Even during the morning rehearsal, he kept stumbling so much that his colleagues became worried for him.

"Are you okay?" they would ask him constantly throughout the day. 

Taekwoon felt really apologetic for that and he really didn't want to do anything that looked unprofessional especially since he's already done this performance multiple times already. Yet suddenly, he felt like he was back at square one and had to start all over again. Nothing he had learned would register in his head and he simply felt empty inside. 

He let out a long and deep sigh in disappointment during his break. 

He looked up at the clock and there was only about an hour or so before the performance starts. 

Knock. Knock.

There was a knocking on the door where all the actors were still getting their make up done and costume changed. 

Taekwoon didn't bother to look behind since he was looking through his phone while his stylist was setting him up but just then, the room became rather rowdy. 

"Taekwoon-ah, look who's here to visit," one of the actors called out to him.

"Hmm?" Taekwoon turned around and suddenly, he became speechless at the unexpected visitor. "H-Hakyeonie?"

Taekwoon shot up from his seat in disbelief because Hakyeon suddenly appeared out of nowhere and at his musical venue on top of that.

"W-what are you doing here?" Taekwoon couldn't stop his stuttering nor was he able to hide his surprised expression.

"Visiting you, dur," Hakyeon said and took out a bouquet of flowers from behind him. "Here."

"For me?" Taekwoon asked since he really didn't know whether he was dreaming or not.

"Mhmm."

"Aww, isn't that cute? Your leader came to cheer you on and even brought such lovely flowers," the actors and actresses were all envious of Taekwoon.

Taekwoon couldn't help but blush completely as he accepted the bouquet of flowers from the older. He really couldn't believe it, Hakyeon is really here. 

"May I borrow Taekwoon for a minute?" Hakyeon asked the other staffs for permission.

"Go ahead, take him awaaaaay," they all nodded happily. "He's been looking too gloomy lately~"

Taekwoon followed Hakyeon behind with the bouquet of flowers still in his arms. It was just a bunch of flowers, he's received dozens in the past yet this one in particular, he didn't know how to let go of.

"Taekwoon-ah," Hakyeon turned around to face Taekwoon properly after the two of them found some place alone to talk. "Sorry for being a horrible friend lately."

"W-what do you mean?" Taekwoon felt rather confused.

"Don't think I don't know what's in your mind. I know we don't really talk much as we used to in the past, not that we did, but I can still read your thoughts. You're feeling worried right? About us... right?"

Taekwoon couldn't deny it. It's just as Hakyeon said, he's been worried about their friendship recently that it's been really bringing him down. So much that he can't even focus on anything no matter how hard he tries. 

"It's not like you did anything wrong. It's not you at all. Actually, it's me... " Hakyeon scratched his head, thinking about how much of an idiot he's been recently especially towards Taekwoon, who's supposedly his lifelong friend. "I feel like I don't know what to talk about anymore with you. Like... I don't know where to start. We usually just say hi and bye but that's about it. I always ask you about your musical and your other activities where you'd just say it's good or it's bad. It's always the same few topics we talk about and eventually, I feel like I've ran out of things to ask you. I'm supposed to know you the best yet at times I don't even know where to start to get to know you even better. Plus, I know I can get a bit annoying when I nag your or ask you a million different questions so I didn't want to keep bugging you."

"That's not true. I'm not annoyed at you at all," Taekwoon wanted to reassure the other.

"Really?" 

"Mhmm.," Taekwoon bit his lips a bit before he could find the words to continue. "I've been lonely... because you haven't talked with me lately..."

"Because of me?"

"Yeah... you even did that LieV broadcast with the others while I was in Japan with Wonshik. I watched that broadcast you know and I couldn't help but feel regretful that I wasn't there to hear your thoughts on things especially about regrets..."

"What do you mean? Do you have regrets too?" Hakyeon became a bit worried at Taekwoon's solemn expression.

"Yeah. I regret ever pushing you away in the beginning. If only I didn't do that and just accepted you, maybe you would like me a lot more."

"But I do like you!" 

"I know... but it's just not the same as you like the others. Like, if I just let you in my life in the beginning, maybe you would like me even more than you do now..." Taekwoon found himself sighing in disappointment and regretting his past failures.

Hakyeon really couldn't find the words to say in order to make Taekwoon feel more at ease especially since he truly believes that he likes Taekwoon a lot just as much as he likes the other members, no matter if it's the present or the past. There should be no comparison is what he thought.

Taekwoon could tell that the older was troubled. He knows Hakyeon too well sometimes even if most of the time, he doesn't know what's on Hakyeon's mind. 

"Don't worry about it anymore," Taekwoon decided. "I'm happy as long as you came."

"But..."

"Thanks, Hakyeon-ah," Taekwoon gave the older a quick hug to try and reassure themselves but the hug felt lifeless, awkward and it didn't solve anything. But neither knew what to do or the next steps to take.

How can I remain happy when you look this troubled just because of me? Taekwoon thought as he turned away to get ready to on stage.

Though he was happy that Hakyeon came to watch his musical, there was still a part of Taekwoon that felt broken inside. He couldn't fully put it into words but all he knew was that he was slowy disintegrating inside. It hurts yet he didn't want anyone to know especially Hakyeon, who finally decided to come to him. Even if it's for a short moment, Taekwoon wanted to cherish the last of what he had.

To be continued...