Before I let my lovely readers read this fantastic piece of work, let me explain a few things. THIS is written by my best friend in the whole darn universe, Planet Mato included. You can find her, shigapetal on AFF.  I love her to bits and pieces and in return, I think she loves me too :3 But she’s amazing. Honestly. This story was written by her for me because she knew about my feels for Yongguk as well as my not-so-secret obsession with his clavicles. I mean, honestly, LOOK AT THEM. And I also happen to like Rain’s collarbones too @__@ Whee. She captures me perfectly, down to the little phrases that I like to say, as well as my really neurotic personality. I love her so so much. And she included all my Yongguk es: fingers, voice, gummy smile, collarbones. She also has references to Cyberchase. (Tell me if you guys watched it!)  She’s an amazing writer when she decides to write, and so here’s Sergeant L’s fantastic: The Clavicle Chronicles~ I lvoe yuo Lia ♥ 

b.y.g p.o.v

Wake up. Shower. Eat. Go to work. Come home. Shower. Eat. Sleep. Wake up.  Life has a routine. Everything has a time and place to be done. Things are perfect. I have a job. I have a girlfriend. I have food. Life couldn’t get better.

“BANG YONGGUK WHY IS THERE WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR? I JUST CLEANED IT!”

Did I mention my girlfriend?

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU. I’M GOING TO KARAOKE SOON, AND I WANTED TO BE THERE EARLY, AND NOW I CAN’T BECAUSE OF THE MESS YOU MADE. YOU’RE SO INFURIATING, I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS. HERE. TAKE THIS TOWEL. CLEAN IT UP. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.”

She’s lovely, really. The light of my life, I swear. Her name is Jill, and I met her a few months ago. Things moved a bit quicker than your usual relationship, I guess. She moved in with me about a month in, and I asked her to marry me last week. She said yes, on the condition that all plans for the wedding rest with her. I didn’t object, and here we are now.

“WHERE ARE YOU? I CANT EVEN FIND YOU. ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME? OH YOU’RE GONNA BE SOR—OW.”

She slammed into me. Such a cutie. Oh wait she’s on a rampage. No Yongguk, she’s a hungry dinosaur. A hungry dinosaur who happened to be looking at my collarbones. This isn’t going to turn out well. Not. At. All. 

“Where did your shirt go.” This was how she started out, usually, and this time was no different, apparently. I decided to play innocent and give her a blank expression.

“I don’t own any shirts, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her eye twitched. Oh she’s getting annoyed, this should be good. She went into our room, and came back with a pile of shirts and tossed them at me.

“SHIRTS! THE THINGS YOU WEAR SO THAT I DON’T HAVE TO BE INCONVIENIENCED BY YOU CL—“ She stopped herself.

“My what, now?” I smirked, and grabbed her wrist, forcing her fingers to trace lines on my collarbone. She squeaked. It was just another of her cute involuntary responses. Now, what happened next was… unexpected to say the least. She got on her toes, leaned forward, and—

“Ouch!” She bit me. She just… with her teeth… on my collarbone… and… what. WHAT? How did I not see this coming? I see EVERYTHING coming. Oh no this won’t do. I held her at arm’s length as she fussed and squirmed.

“Let me go, let me go!” She cried. Nope, not this time, Jilly. I put my nose to hers and whispered.

“You’re banned.” She stared.

“Banned? Banned from WHAT?” I smirked.

“Banned from me, of course.” Her eyes went wide, and her face went pink with anger.

“Yah! I’m not one of Junsu’s videos that you can just ban like that! I’m important! Do you know who I am? I AM JILL. QUEEN OF THIS DWELLING ANS MASTER OF ALL THINGS—“ Duct tape was always a good friend to me, so I introduced it to and and kissed her on the cheek, as I went to get dressed.

She was staring in the mirror when I got out. I walked up to her.

“Let me guess. ‘If I rip it off it’ll hurt like a duck, but if I don’t there’s tape on my mouth.’.” She looked at me and nodded sadly. I just smiled.

“Not my problem baby~” I stuck my tongue out and left for work. Damn this was going to be an interesting week.

j.s.c p.o.v

He’s such a kid. I can’t stand it. I can’t. First he makes me put up that stupid picture of him when he was younger. Playing a stupid game, against a stupid-looking tigger. So stupid.

It’s not even from that long ago. I mean 3 years. He’s basically the same! But he insists that he’s ‘changed so much since then and this photo was to serve as a reminder of that’.

He does the same thing every day! There’s no variety, no… spontaneity. None. Except for his love affair with duct tape. He’ll whip it out every so often (the tape. What were you thinking?) and use it in one way or another. Today he thought shutting me up with it would be cute. Well let me tell you this. It was most certainly not cute. Not cute at all. He needs to be punished. I need to pace.

Someone tell me why I love this guy?

Oh.

Right.

His stupid gummy smile certainly had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. Trying to make him smile was not a part of my selfish little daily routine.

I swear it’s his fault I’m like this. I take zero responsibility. None at all. Can you blame a girl? No, not really. When we first moved in together, I couldn’t breathe without sounding like a horse. This heavy, guttural noise that would have gone nicely with a ball balanced on my nose. Look guys. I’m a girl, no! I’m a seal. Arp. Arp. Arp.

*knock, knock, knock*

Damn. Is it 3:30 already? Why does he have to be home now… I’ll just ignore him. Yes. Haha. I’m so clever. Look at me

“Honey, I’m home!” Urgh that arrogance.

He strolled in. Like he owned the place!

“Hey, Jilly, why all the pacing?” I shot him a look.

“I am not pacing… And Don’t call me Jilly!” I spat.

“Alright, princess~” his voice deepened, “as you wish”.

I shuddered. That voice could do things to me over the phone, over iChat… But in person? I was more at its mercy than ever. But not this time. NO MERCY. Oh no… there I go speaking in song titles again. He’s not going to get the better of me this time though. I turned to him.

“Sweetie, do you know what I saw on the TV today?” He turned to look at me.

“Hm?”

“Rain!” I exclaimed. “He’s so good looking and have you seen the way he moves? It’s like he’s made of y jelly or something. Wow I can’t let me fan myself, he’s too hot to handle. Really, and his lips, oh those lips! They’re like 2 pillows that have been fused to his face! He’s so beautiful! Oh god hip song is on.” No response. He knew what I was doing, and I knew how to get a sound out of him.

“His legs are gorgeous, his arms are muscular, but his collarbones. I mean, have you seen the definition on those things? I hear babies were created from people looking at them for too long.” He was up and in my face at this point, the deep red of his features complimenting his pink-ish hair quite nicely, if I don’t say so myself.

“His what are what, now?” He whispered. I didn’t give in.

“His. Collarbones. Are. UNF.” I got closer. I could see the steam coming out of his ears by now. Oh he was not amused. Not one bit.

“I’m out at work, and you stay home all day, looking at other men’s collarbones?!” I shuddered.

“Y-yes..” I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Never again.” He growled, and clamped his beautiful fingers on my wrist, and dragged me to the bedroom.

I always win~