Something fell out from the notebook you had found and you bent to pick it up. You flipped it over and something stabbed your heart. You took a deep breath and once more gazed back into the face of the man whom you’ve long loved. Your three year old ran into the room and stopped before you.

            “Mommy, who’s that?”

            You smiled gently and placed the photograph back into the notebook and placed it back on the shelf where you found it. “Nobody. Come on, Jongie, let’s go get dinner ready before daddy comes home.”

            You immersed yourself in the banality of every day work and tried to keep him out of your mind. When your husband came home, you greeted him and he played with your son. You looked on, feeling content. You had everything you wanted. Except for that one piece of regret in your heart, you were happy.

            Your husband was a good man. He took care of you and he loved your son. He also adored you but you had none of the hot passion, none of the crazy spiral feelings you’ve had when you were with Daehyun.

            That was his name. Your husband looked up and beckoned you over. “Look, they’re about to show some concert with a singer. He’s back from his hiatus apparently. They’re all making a big deal about it.”

            You walked over and he leaned his head against your shoulder. You held his hand absentmindedly as your son curled up in his lap. The reporter’s face came on and suddenly, a burst of song came on. You recognized the voice. All of a sudden, everything was uncomfortable.

            You didn’t want to watch anymore. Then his face came on. Your husband’s head on your shoulder was too much. It was a heavy weight, a burden that cut off your breath. You looked away but the unmistakable voice never stopped. It rang in your ears.

            You excused yourself and went upstairs. You knew you had another two hours to compose yourself. You thought back to the days in college when you used to go out with Daehyun. “Going out,” what a simple term to describe what the two of you had.

            From the moment you first stepped on campus, he had caught your eye. He was dressed simply but he also had a lot of flair. You noticed that he was talking animatedly to a group of friends. Then, he had hopped onto a bench and burst into a few short melodies. He had you because of his voice.

            You were delighted to know the two of you had a lot of classes together. He talked to you endlessly, just sitting next to you and rambling on. It didn’t matter what he sang. For some reason, all he did was open his mouth and you fell for him. He asked you out after the first week and the two of have been attached by the hip since then.

            Everyone called you the dream couple. They admired Daehyun for his talent and his good looks. They liked you because you were foreword and you were head of the debate team. It seemed like the two of you would conquer both the academic and the entertainement world. You hung out every single day, regardless of where you went. The two of you studied together, and went everywhere together.

            You lost your ity to him on a rainy day. You had just finished exams and slept over. His roommate was out and one kiss had led to another. Afterwards, the two of you had lain in bed and he had taken a photograph to remember the moment. “This way, even though we’ve made love a million times, we’ll always remember the first time when we became one,” he had said. And you’ve always kept it, even until today.

You had thought you were with the person you were destined for. You told him all your secrets, and he in turn, told you all his dreams. Each day you saw him, you loved him just a little bit more.

            But then junior year came and you were forced to choose your majors. Your classes were different and the only time you saw each other was after classes. Then you had mock trial meetings, and he had to go to practice. When he signed with a company, the two of you practically had to fight for time together.

            You encouraged him when he first auditioned for various companies. You took time to go to Seoul with him. But the chasm that created between the two of you soon became too wide for you to cross. He had a new crowd, a new ring of people. He was at their every whim and call. You, too, had a new set of people whom demanded your attention.

            One night, three days before graduation, Daehyun received word that he had been accepted by a company. They wanted him to start the moment after you graduated. You were broken. The two of you had promised to go on a trip to Paris that summer, and now he had to cancel it.

            “I’m sorry, baby. Next year.”

            But next year, you would be starting your apprenticeship as a paralegal and then nothing would be possible. You looked at Daehyun and saw how much it was paining him to be tearing you apart. You knew that he too was having a conflit of interests.

            “Daehyun, you’ve been working for this for so long. Why are you so sad?”

            He had leaned in and brushed his lips across hers. “Because I’m hurting you. It’s the same as hurting myself.”

            His words had almost crumbled your resolve but you pulled away and traced his lips again. You took him in, the final chance you had before he became Jung Daehyun of the entertainment world. You smiled and knew this would be the hardest decision.

            You shook your head. “You’re a flower, Dae. If I keep holding onto you, I would be the weed that prevents you from blossoming. I, I’m meant to stay on the ground, but you can be a butterfly if you wish, sprout wings and fly away. I’m leaving you before we both do irreversible damage to one another. Go, and live your life.”

            You skipped graduation, feigning sick and since then, you’ve cut off all ties from him. You avoided reading the entertainment section, turned off the radio when music came on. You didn’t want reminders.

            You slipped downstairs and traced the two of you again in that photograph. Had your husband ever made you smile like this? You bit back tears and sighed. There was a tiny motion and you replaced the planner.

            Jongie ran towards you at high speed, with your husband following not close behind. “The singer’s getting married,” he reported. “What a big deal. The girl’s not as pretty as you are.” A muscle jumped in your jaw but then you looked at the precious bundle in your arms and all regret fell away.

            Good luck with everything, Daehyun. Maybe you’ll think of me sometimes. Maybe.

requested by iwillbeyourlucifer

I think this one brought me a little to tears. It's pretty personal and yeah. I hope it rings through