You picked up the piece of paper on the floor and smoothed it. You knew that he had crumpled it and thrown it to the ground because he was unsure of his decisions. You carefully laid out the letter in its entirety and sat down to read it. Under any other circumstance, this would have been great news. But you knew that he was torn and you knew what was holding him back.

            Junhong had always dreamed to be a singer. He trained daily with a vocal coach and danced with a trainer whenever he had a break. The amount of hard work he put into his dream, along with studying hard was touching and you wanted to squeeze him.

            A few days ago, he had finally decided to go up to Seoul for an audition. It was hard for him because he didn’t want to leave you. “Who’s going to take care of you when I’m away?”

            You had pushed him out the door. “Relax. I only have minor migraines. It’s not like I’m going to collapse the one few days you’re not here. I’ll be fine. Besides, your aunt will be coming to help me anyway.” It was with great reluctance that he finally left.

            You were fine. Junhong was just being overprotective and that made you smile. At such a young age, it was nice that he would pay so much attention to you. You were adopted into his family as a foster child and the two of you have grown up together. You were always a sickly child and Junhong had taken it upon himself to take care of you. 

            You wanted him to do well on his audition. You prayed for him and sent him happy texts as to help keep his morale up. His responses were always filled with his bubbly personality and you knew that he was going to do well.

            You read the paper and smiled. Junhong had come back from his audition in tears. He felt that he had messed up. “My rap wasn’t fast enough and I stumbled over a few lines. I really don’t know what to do. I tried so hard but I think I tripped a few times during the dancing and I couldn’t sing. My teachers will kill me for letting them down.”

            You hugged him to you. “Shh, you probably did fantastically well. Stop being such a worrywart and just let it go. There’s no use dwelling on it now. What’s done is done. When would they get back to you?”

            “They said in a few weeks they’ll be holding another call-back audition.”

            Sure enough, three weeks later, the phone was ringing and your aunt picked up. Junhong was in school and so she whispered the good news to you. “He was called back,” she told you in an excited manner.

            You made him a cake and in between your studies, you kept an eye on the rising flour. By the time Junhong came back, the cake was ready and so were your party. His aunt made his favorite meal and he was surprised.

            “What is this for?”

            You hugged him, throwing yourself at the giant boy and he stumbled back, a bit shocked by such an open display of affection. He blushed. Even after so many years of living together, he didn’t see you as only just a sister. “Congratulations, Junnie. You got the call back.”

            He was elated but only for that one day. He spent the next few weeks before the audition, practicing. He went to the studios right after school and didn’t come home until much later. You stayed up at night to wait for him and it was beginning to take a slight toll on your health.

            He asked you to not wait but you couldn’t leave him. You wanted to see him when he came back and you always had something prepared for him. You did your best to try and hide your deterioration from him, but of course he noticed. When news spread of how well he did on his call back, Junhong started to face the possibility of perhaps actually having to move to Seoul.

            “I don’t want to do it if it means leaving you.” You scoffed.

            “Don’t be an idiot. You trained so hard and worked so hard for this. Do you honestly think you’re going to just waste your time and not go? That’s adorable Junhong, now be a good boy and go.”

            “I’m not even sure I got in. And I honestly don’t think I can go.”

            “Why?”

            He was quiet for a moment. “I like you. I don’t see you as a sister. I see you as someone I love. I see you as someone I want by my side forever. I don’t want to leave you behind.”

            You laugh, even though it hurt. “You’re getting ahead of yourself. Just enjoy this for now. We don’t even know if you made it.”

            But now you were staring at the letter before you. It was true. He did get in, just like you had hoped, and believed he would. You smiled, proud of him. He deserved this. But you knew from the way he had crumpled it that he did not want to accept it. He didn’t want to leave you. But you were going to make him.

            “Junhong,” you addressed him the moment he got home. “You’re going to tell auntie and you’re going to move up to Seoul this Saturday, just like this letter wants you to do. TS is a small company. But they’re pretty good with what they’re doing. You’ll have a great chance. Once you debut, you can come get me.”

            He shook his head, stubborn as ever. “No, I absolutely refuse. I told you. I won’t be going. You can forget it.”

            “You worked so hard for this. Do you think I’m going to be selfish enough to keep you from fulfilling your dreams? No, you’re going to go. If you don’t, I’m going to get mad and that’s bad for my heart and you know it.”

            You fought about it all three days. But you had started to help him pack and soon he caved in. He was angry, of course. But you convinced him by pointing out how hard he worked. “Will you be there by the train station?”

            “Just walk out of that car, and I’ll be there,” you promised.

            He had smiled, assured by this. You turned away, the tears smarting in your eyes. It was going to hurt. You hugged him good bye.

            When the company came to pick him up, you followed in another car. But you knew that to make life easier for you, you were going to have to keep him from seeing you. It was going to hurt. But you knew that if your eyes connected even once, you would break down. And you didn’t need to. Your health was getting worse and he didn’t need to deal with having to send you to the hospital.

            You were there well before the black van pulled up. When it did and the car doors opened, you saw a bunch of boys get out. Junhong got out and his eyes started searching for you. You saw his head whip back and forth and his face fell.

            Immediately, the fans who gathered started cheering for them, excited to see the newcomers from TS. You smiled when you saw one of the other boys touch his elbow protectively. He would be in good hands. You knew from his eyes that he was devastated you weren’t there. But you smiled anyway.

            It was good to not say good bye because that would be too final. 

Zelo angst request