Day 24:

I woke up having a nightmare. It has been like that ever since that incident happened. At first the girls understood, but when the nightmares kept coming they just gave up. They didn't say anything, but I could tell it bothered them. I could also tell from the way they looked at me that they pity me. I hate this feeling the most.

So instead, I just tried not to fall sleep. If I fall asleep I have nightmares, and if I have nightmares I will wake up screaming and crying in the middle of the night. If I do that the girls will know, and they will just get mad at me for waking them up for no reason and for ruining their hours of sleep, that wasn't even much to begin with. I just made up excuses I need to practice in order to spend time outside of our dorm and being busy. When I did lay in bed I pretended to be asleep. I didn't sleep in the car either, since I didn't want Yongguk to know something is wrong.

I can't really survive without sleep, so I just slept on the couch in the playroom when nobody was there. I still had nightmares, but luckily nobody heard me. And here I was, waking up from another nightmare in the middle of the night. I stretched my body, trying to calm myself down after the nightmare. My body hurt from sleeping on the couch, but I ignored it. I'm starting to get used to it by now..

"Breathe, Hyeri, it's just a dream. Nothing is happening, and nobody is trying to hurt you." I mumbled to myself while bringing my knees to my chest and rocking my body back and forth.

When I fell asleep again the nightmare came back. It was similar to the previous one, but this time it was related to Yongguk and not to me. Great.. I'm getting used to this nightmare as well. There are two bad dreams that keeps coming back all the time, and this is one of them. Yongguk.. He is the sweetest person on earth and he always worry about me and making sure I'm okay, but I just keep ignoring him since I don't want him to notice something is wrong and I don't want him to worry about me. And more important - I don't want him to get hurt. If those notes are true, he can get hurt if he is around me, and I don't want to take that risk.. My dreams are enough.

The company offered me to take a few days off to rest, but I refused. Being busy distract me from my problems, and I like to perform. I Usually enjoy the days with music shows, but this time it was different. I kept feeling everyone looking at me and talking behind my back, and it felt weird. I felt like I did something wrong, when I actually did nothing.. At least the company prevented the MCs and reporters from asking about that incident, I don't want to talk about it and I want to forget is as soon as possible. But can I really do that?

~

I opened my bag in the dressing room when I noticed another note. Just like the others.. I froze in my place for a while, debating with myself what to do with it. I can guess what that note is about so I can just ignore it, but what if it's different this time?

I took a deep breath and opened it. '12 days more until we'll meet again..'. I sighed and threw the note in the trash. What was I expecting anyway?

I took out my phone and played with it for a while. When I put it back in place I noticed something was weird. Part of my things wasn't in their usual place in my bag.. It looked like someone touched my things. Well, that made sense since the notes keeps popping inside my bag and someone had to put them there.. I emptied my bag, trying to see if something is missing. Everything was there, and the only weird thing was another note, that I somehow missed earlier. 'You look pretty today. The blue dress suits you. You should keep it..'

I looked at my clothes. Blue dress.. The note is from today. It means that whoever wrote it is here, probably watching.. But where?

The door opened and the stylist entered the room.

"You scared me.." I mumbled.

"Sorry.." She blushed a little, embarrasseed.

"Unnie.." I called her.

"What?"

"Was someone here earlier? In the room?"

"Not that I remember.. Why? Did someone stole something from you?"

"No, no.. I was just wondering.."

"I didn't see anyone."

"Thanks." I smiled. If no one was here, then who was it?

~

When I got out of the car in front of the company Yongguk grabbed my wrist. I turned to him surprised.

"What is it?" I asked impatiently. I want to go.

"I want to talk."

"I don't." I said dryly.

"I don't care." He answered in the same tone.

I tried to release my hand from his grip, but he is stronger than me.

"I didn't do anything wrong, so why am I being punished?" He asked when I didn't say anything, still holding onto my wrist.

"Your'e not. I am." I said without looking at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." I muttered.

"Hyeri.." he said sofyly.

"I need to practice." I said dryly and used some force to release my hand from his grip. He let me go and I went inside the company, leaving him behind.

Day 25:

"Hyeri, come to my office." Jinu said dryly.

"Yes, sir." I followed him quietly.

"Did you skip practice yesterday?" He asked. I didn't say anything and just looked at the floor.

"Did you or did you not? Answer me when I'm talking to you." He raised his voice.

"I.. did." I said in a barely audible voice.

"Why?" He glared at me.

"I was just tired."

"HOW IS THAT AN EXCUSE?!" He yelled, and I froze in my place. "DO YOU THINK THE REST AREN'T TIRED? YOUR'E NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS TO SLEEP!"

"I'm sorry.." I said, almost crying.

"I don't care if your'e sorry. We gave you time to rest and relax, you were the one who didn't want to do that. And your'e slacking too much in the past week." He continued scolding me. I kept quiet.

"Don't you have anything to say?" He asked when I didn't say anything. I shook my head.

"Take a break for a few days." He ordered.

"No." I finally said something.

"It wasn't a suggestion. Your'e on a break." He said in a stern tone.

"I'm not having a break!" I answered in the same tone and left the room.

"HYERI, COME BACK HERE!" He shouted after me, but it was no use. I was out of the company by now.

~

"What the hell?" Himchan asked Yongguk when he saw Hyeri storming out of the company.

"Leave her. If she is like that no one can talk to her.." Yongguk said.

"Not even you?" Himchan eyed him.

"Especially not me." 

"Yongguk, what the hell is wrong with your girlfriend?" Jinu came rushing towards them. The last word ticked Yongguk off.

"SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP ASSOCIATING US?" Yongguk snapped, to the surprise of Jinu and Himchan.

"Easy there.. I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad.." Himchan tried to calm Yongguk down.

"I'm not her spokesperson. Maybe you should do your job peropely and take care of your idols instead of fooling around.." Yongguk said to Jinu.

"Watch it.." Jinu glared at him.

"Or what? You can't take of one single girl who is having a hard time, what are you going to do to me?"

"It's your last warning.." Jinu said calmly.

"Yongguk.. You should stop." Himchan tried again.

"Leave me alone." Yongguk said and went out of the company as well.

"The sweet girl is being rebelious and a trouble maker while the calm boy just snaps.. What the hell is wrong with them?" Jinu sighed. Himchan just patted his back, since he didn't know what else to do. He was dumbfounded just like him.

Day 27:

When we went back to the company after "Inkigayo" I noticed a big graffiti on the company wall, near the enterance. I didn't see it clearly at first, but when we got closer I saw what was written there. It was big and it was written in bright red. I got closer, examining the words. Hyeri is a .

"Hyeri.." Yongguk said softly and put his hand on my shoulder. I took it off and went inside the company. I grabbed some cleaning meterials and went back out. I started cleaning it meticulously, not leaving a single stain.

"Hyeri, let it go. We have cleaners, they will take care of it." Yongguk said and stood behind me, watching me closely.

"Leave me alone." I said dryly and continued erasing my name.

"He is right, you should stop." B.A.P's manager said. I ignored him. I want to clean this. I need to clean this.

"Hyeri." Yongguk called again, more sternly.

"HYERI, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LEAVE IT ALONE!" Yongguk shouted and took the sponge out of my hand. It landed on the sidewalk, next to B.A.P's manager. I looked at the sponge, picked it up and continued cleaning like nothing happened.

"You have three seconds to drop it." Yongguk said. I still ignored him. "One, two, three." He counted and when I didn't react he picked me up and carried me over his shoulder to the company.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed while hitting his back. Now it was his turn to ignore me.

"BANG YONGGUK!!" I screamed while hitting him harder. He didn't budge.

We finally stopped at the playroom. He put me down on the couch, locked the door from inside and put the key in his pocket.

"Let me out." I ordered.

"No." He said dryly.

"Let me out, now." I raised my voice.

"It's still a no." He crossed his hands over his chest.

"I need to go."

"Where?"

"To clean."

"The staff will do it."

"Let me out."

"You need to see a psychologist." He said softly, still standing near the door.

"I'm not crazy!" I glared at him.

"Do you think only crazy people go there?" he exclaimed.

"N.. Yes. I'm not crazy." I hugged my knees to my chest.

"A lot of idols and actors go there too. If you want, the company knows someone really good.."

"I'm not going." I declared.

"Then at least talk to someone.. You have Sey, you have me.. You can't keep things inside, it's not healthy."

"You won't understand. You can't understand me."

"Try me."

I stayed quiet for a moment, and then my tears started to fall uncontrollably.

"Babe.." Yongguk called softly and kneeled infront of me, holding my hand.

"I feel like I'm going crazy.." I mumbled while still crying. He didn'y say anything, and just listened.

"I have.. Nightmares. And your'e gone, and I can't do anything.." I cried harder. "And the notes.. I'm scared. Really scared."

He sat next to me on the couch and wrapped me into a hug. I leaned onto his chest. He rubbed my back with his right hand while his left hand was wrapped around my waist.

Yongguk looked at Hyeri with sad eyes. He saw her break down before, but it wasn't this bad. This time she is really broken. He didn't know she was suffering so much.. It breaks his heart seeing her like that. He will do everything he can so she won't feel like that again.

He kept watching her worriedly as he tried to calm her down. The truth is that seeing her reaction to the graffiti scared him. He expected her to shout or cry or something, but she just stood there emotionless and then started cleaning the graffiti. She looked possessed. He felt so useless just standing there without doing anything and without knowing what's wrong with her in the first place. He felt like he failed. She is suffering, and on top of that, she doesn't trust him enough to share her problems and pain with him.

"It's alright.." He carrassed my hair.

"I'm scared.." I mumbled while still crying, hugging him tighter. I was probably suffocating him, but he didn't move.

"Hyeri, look at me." He asked softly and I lifted my gaze. "Do you want to talk? To tell me the details?"

"No.." I shook my head as my tears fell down again. I can't do this right now, it's too hard..

"Alright, so don't tell me. I won't force you." Yongguk said and carressed my hair gently. "Just remember that I'm here and that I'm not dying. No matter what you dreamed of, it's just a dream. I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't know how scary it was.. It felt so real, and I couldn't to anything.." I cried once again.

"I know.. I had this kind of dreams for a while as well, so I understand you more than you think."

"Then what did you do?" I looked at him, hoping he could help me.

"Well, in my case it was a little more complicated since the person I dreamed of isn't alive anymore, but in your case I'm still here, so how about you call me everytime you have a bad dream like that? maybe if you hear my voice you'll realize everything is okay and your anxiety level will go down.."

"I can't call you. It's enough my sleep is ruined, I don't want to ruin yours as well.."

"I'm not sleeping much anyway.. You know that." he reasoned. Both of us were quiet for a while.

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" I tried to avoid his eyes.

"Your'e not. Your'e just having a hard time and you need someone to talk to, that's it." He smiled warmly and cupped my face with his hands. "You always have my shoulder to lean on, even if you always friend-zoning me.." He tried to joke.

"How am I friend-zoning you if we always end up doing couple stuff?" I protested. I moved back a little, keeping a distance between the both of us. We were only close for a second, but it still made my heart race.

"What couple stuff?" Yongguk asked.

"You know what I meant.." I trailed off, getting shy from thinking about it.

"No I don't.. Tell me." He smirked. He is playing dumb on purpose!

"I'm not telling you if you don't know yourself!" I stuck my tongue out. I'm not playing along with him.

"Oh, come on.. You can't leave me hanging!" he exclaimed.

"It's not my fault you are slow.."

"Then how about you show me instead of talking?" That annoying smilrk appeared again.

"Sorry, I just don't feel like it." I shrugged.

"Meanie." He pouted.

"It doesn't work on me."

"Liar. Your'e dying inside, I can tell." he teased.

"Nope." I insisted.

"Even now?" he got closer to me. His face were now millimeters from mine. My face got red as a tomato.

"We should really stop doing this stuff.." I mumbled while moving backwards on the couch. "You agreed to wait, so we should just wait. It's not playing fair if we do this all the time and I might get distracted from it and change my mind.." I stood up.

"Fine, I'll let you go once." Yongguk smiled. "But I can't believe you called kissing 'couple stuff'.." he laughed and ran his hand through his hair.

"What's wrong with that? it's one of the things couples do.. And it's not the only thing we did.. We also held hands and.." I stopped talking when I realized how desperate and pathetic I sound. I got embarrassed and buried my face in my hands.

"And?" he asked. Crap. He is really going to take advantage of the things I say absentmindedly.. I need to control my mouth better.

"And nothing." I said while still hiding my face.

"Your'e cute when your'e embarrassed." Yongguk said while smiling.

"Well, your'e never cute." Now it was my turn to .

"My fans think otherwise." he stuck his tongue out.

"Your fans are not objective. And you can always date them, nobody told you to keep asking me out.."

"Hey, you were the one that hit on me first!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, and you made it pretty clear you weren't intrested."

"I changed my mind." He said proudly.

"Let me out, wer'e stuck here for too long already.." I tried to change the subject. I am getting embarrassed, and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to handle his teasing.

"Then promise me you'll call." He said in a serious tone.

"Only if you promise me you'll tell me if it's bothering you."

"I promise I'll tell you if your'e too much for me to handle." Yongguk said.

"Then I'll promise to call you if I have a nightmare."

"Good." He smiled and them took out the key from his pocket and opened the door.

I went outside of the company to continue cleaning, but the wall was already clean. I guess the cleaning staff took care of it while Yongguk locked us inside the playroom.. I was relieved.

Even though I didn't tell Yongguk everything, I still feel like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.. I finally breathed a little without feeling strangled.

Author's Note:

Sorry, but you'll have to wait a little more for Yongguk meeting Zico.. :P

At least this chapter is long :)

And good news - I have a few days without exams or studying, so I'll try to update as much as I can in these days.

P.S - Yongguk is killing me in his teaser photo! Who would have thought he would fit the cute concept so much..

As usual, thanks you for reading, commenting and subscribing, it means a lot to me! <3

M.