A Date With Killer Kim Kibum

A Fangirl's Dream

*Brianna's POV*

When we got to the set I froze in delighted surprise. It was gorgeous!

There were so many flowers we could’ve opened a green house! Off to the left was a cute park bench for two, and to the right a giant tree which I had trouble determining real or fake. Behind the pots and hanging plants in the very back of the set was a mini waterfall. It was the prettiest thing I had ever seen; and it was all indoors!

“Come on, we have to get changed,” Key said pulling me toward the dressing rooms. We stopped in front of a wooden door with a pink star on it. “You change here.” He left me there and walked away to find the men’s changing room.

I shrugged and entered the not-so-tiny room. I expected the outfit Key had picked for me to be crazy, wild, and ugly, but when I saw it I was surprised by how much I liked it!

When I put it on I did a quick 360 in the full length mirror standing in the corner of the room. I felt like a princess; I LOOKED like a princess. It fit me perfectly. 

*Key’s POV*

As I changed, I tried to imagine what Carolyn and Taemin were doing at that very moment. Were they getting along? Was she thinking about me? I sighed and slipped the white shirt over my head.

(Key’s outfit: http://thequietvoice18.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/key-in-white-shirt1.jpg).

I had chosen such a simple outfit because I wanted Carolyn to stand out in her dress. It was the one from her sketch and I was so excited to see her reaction when she found it in the dressing room. Now Brianna was going to wear it; OUR dress. I pouted at the thought, then stepped out of the dressing room.

I got my makeup done, then headed to the set. When I got there Brianna was waiting for me, staring into the pool at the bottom of the water fall. From the back I noticed that she actually looked kind of pretty in the dress; her (now curled) hair cascading over her shoulders. When she turned around I caught my breath.

O.M.O!!!! How is this the same girl?! She’s… she’s… beautiful!!!

*Brianna’s POV*

Key’s eyes drilled me when I turned around. It was making me uncomfortable, so I did what I do best.

“Key!” I said, putting on an excited smile. “There’s little fishies in here!”

I ran over to him and pulled him by the hand over to the pond. I pointed at all the cute little fish, laughing, then proceeded to make a fish face at Key.

*Key’s POV*

Aigoo, she’s so cute! Maybe this won’t be so bad… Ugh Key, what are you thinking?! You don’t like this girl. You like Carolyn. This girl is getting in the way of you and your red-haired beauty. You don’t like this girl. You don’t like her at all!

I rolled my eyes and walked away from her saying, “Come on, let’s just get this thing over with.”

*Brianna’s POV*

Wow, what’s his problem?! Now THIS is a real dingleberry.

I just shrugged and followed him to the little park bench.

As the photo shoot went on, I could tell Key was angry at me, but I had no idea why. In the beginning he put up with a few pictures, but as we went on he began hogging the camera, blocking me out of pictures.

“All right, now sit on the bench together,” the cameraman directed.

Key hurried to the bench and sat down, spreading himself out, leaving barely any room for me. I sat down on the little edge that wasn’t being taken up by his body.

“Oops,” he said sarcastically as he scooted toward me, nudging me right off the bench. I fell on my ; HARD.

“THAT’S IT!” I shouted getting from the ground. “I’ve had it with you, you stuck up diva! What did I ever do to do?!”

“You replaced my Carolyn!” he shouted back, standing up so I had to look up to see his face.

“How is that my fault?! Do you think I actually WANTED to be paired with you; you no good brat?!”

*Key’s POV*

I froze. No one had EVER spoken to me like that. I tried to comeback with a smart answer, but the words wouldn’t come out. All I could do was stare at her as a devious smirk spread across her face.

I hate you, Brianna. I hope you know that.

*Brianna’s POV*

Who’s the diva now, ERRRR?!

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~