Let's Wait Till We Get Back

A Fangirl's Dream

*Key’s POV*

I ran outside to find Taemin sitting on the front steps of the restaurant, hugging his knees and crying.

“Taemin,” I whispered as I sat down next to him and embraced him in a hug. He hugged me back and cried into my arms. I’d never seen him cry like this. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay.”

“No Key! It’s not going to be okay! I’m a terrible person!” he sobbed.

“But what did you even do?”

“I don’t know! That’s what makes me so terrible! She broke up with me because of something I did, and I’m so blind that I can’t even see what it was!”

I rocked him back and forth, ignoring the people walking by and giving us strange looks. “Shhh, I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding. We’re going to work it all out when we get back tomorrow, okay? I need you to be strong. Carolyn still loves you; I know that for a fact. She held onto her life for you.”

“Hyung,” he cried even harder into my chest, “Say it again.”

“She loves you,” I said softly. “Carolyn does and always will love you.”

I whispered it over and over again. His breathing finally began to slow and his tears dried up. Before I knew it he was asleep in my arms. The others came out of the restaurant a few minutes later. I carried Taemin to the van so we could head to our hotel.

When we got to the building I said that Taemin and I could share a room, just in case he needed something. Brianna offered to help me take care of him, but I told her there wasn’t much else to do than to just let him sleep.

*Brianna’s POV*

“What are you looking for?” I asked as Rebecca searched through her things.

“My phone… aha!” she shouted when she found it.

“Why do you need your phone? You rarely ever use it.”

“I’m going to talk to Carolyn,” she answered.

Suddenly I wasn’t so tired anymore. I shot up out of bed and hurried over to her side. She selected Carolyn’s name and pressed call.

“What if she’s asleep?” I asked as it rang.

“Then at least we can say we tried to help,” Rebecca answered. The phone rang two times before our call got ignored. “OMO, she ignored our call!”

The phone buzzed and Rebecca quickly opened the text message, which simply read: Go away.

We looked at each other in shock. This was turning out to be worse than we had thought!

“Maybe we should just leave it alone and let the two of them work it out when we get back,” I suggested.

“Yeah… good idea,” Rebecca agreed, closing her phone and resting it on the nightstand by her bed. “Let’s get some sleep.”

I lay in bed wondering what was going on between Taemin and Carolyn. They seemed so close, yet how did this suddenly happen? I wondered if something could ever be bad enough to make me break up with Key and actually MEAN it. My conclusion was… no.  

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~