Hiking

A Fangirl's Dream

*Minho’s POV*

“Well, looks like this is where we split up,” said Onew.

We had all been hiking together for about 15 minutes. We’d finally come to a sign with arrows directing each couple which way to go. We all waved goodbye and headed off in the direction of our campsites.

“Minho I’m tireddddd,” Nicole complained.

“Babe, we’ve only been hiking for five minutes since that sign. Just hang in there, okay?”

“Can we please just take a break?”

I looked back at my match. She looked so cute in her fancy orange tank top and white short-shorts; nothing like a hiker. I didn’t understand how she was walking in those heels either. (Here’s what the tank top looked like: http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/0/4/5/8/5/2/webimg/349519624_tp.jpg).

“Fine,” I finally gave in, setting down the bags of supplies I was carrying and sitting on a big rock.

“Oh, thank you,” she sighed, brushing off the rock before sitting down next to me.

She leaned her head against my shoulder, “This hiking thing is hard.”

Haha, wait until we get to the site and she realizes there’s no electricity or showers!

“Why did you wear that outfit today? You should’ve worn something easier to hike in,” I said.

“I don’t own hiking clothes, or those ugly sneaker things,” she answered, looking at my shoes in disgust.

“We could’ve gotten you a pair yesterday when we went shopping.”

“And ruin this beautiful outfit? Oh, heck no; I’ll stick with the heels.”

I rolled my eyes and mentally laughed at her stubbornness. When it came to fashion, she would sacrifice anything to look great.

“You ready to start again?” I asked, standing back up.

She shook her head ‘no.’ “Can you carry me Oppa?”

“But I have to carry all these bags too!” I exclaimed. Nicole also didn’t quite grasp the idea of ‘packing lightly’. She brought two backpacks and a beach style bag packed full to the top.

“Please Oppa,” she begged, looking at me with puppy eyes.

“Ugh, fine.”

I slung my backpack, along with both of hers, onto my back, put the beach bag on my shoulder, and took her up in my arms. I carried her princess style while she wrapped her arms around my neck. I smiled, despite the pain shooting down my back.

She was a spoiled little princess… but she was MY spoiled little princess.

*Taemin’s POV*

“Look a river!” I shouted, running toward the slow moving water.

“We should try rock skipping!” I suggested as Carolyn finally caught up to me at the water’s edge, panting.

“How do you do that?” she asked, resting her hands on her knees in an attempt to catch her breath.

“Here, watch when I do it,” I said, searching for the perfect stone.

Once I found one, I angled myself just right and whirled it at the water. It skipped twice before the sinking into the water with a ‘plop’.

“Now you try!”

Carolyn looked at me skeptically as I handed her a smooth rock. She turned sideways and threw it at the water. The water claimed it immediately, pulling the smooth pebble down to meet mine on the riverbed.

She turned and pouted at me, “This is harrrrdddd.”

“Here, let me help,” I said, placing a stone in her hands.

I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her, directing her every movement. I whispered in her ear as we went through the motions, making her giggle and look back at me affectionately.

“Now let go!” I shouted happily.

“Ah!” a scream came from Carolyn, and then soon one from me.

My command had been so sudden that she didn’t let go in time. The toss of my hand threw her off balance, and she began to fall toward the creek, pulling me along with her.

*Splash!!*

We hit the shallow water together. Thankfully it was sandy where we landed, but Carolyn still screamed out in pain.

“Ow my wrist!” she cried.

I immediately splashed to her side, taking her wrist in my hand.

“Ouch, Taemin!” she shouted, pulling it away.

“Sorry,” I blushed. “I think it’s sprained.”

“Great,” she pouted.

I helped her up and back onto dry land. Our wet clothes combined with the trees blocking out the sun made it feel a lot colder than it was.

“Maybe we should change,” I suggested, walking toward our bags.

“Ya think?!”

We gathered the clothes we needed and searched for some place with privacy.

“That tree’s kind of big. Why don’t you change behind there? I just won’t look that direction until you’re done,” I suggested.

“But what if somebody sees me-,”

“Carolyn, we’re in the middle of nowhere! Nobody is going to see you!”

“Fine,” she sighed as she headed toward the tree.

I stood facing the other way, shivering from the slight breeze.

“Taemin?” she called after about a minute.

I turned, thinking she was finished. My eyes grew wide at what I saw hanging over one of the tree branches.

“You’re not looking right?” she finished the sentence.

I immediately turned around.

“Uh, no,” I shouted over my shoulder.

OMO! I saw my yeoja chingu’s bra!!! I’m such a terrible person. She told me not to look! But it’s not like it was on her; it was just hanging there. Oh, what do I do?! I know! Lord, please forgive me for looking at me yeoja chingu’s bra. I promise I didn’t mean to-

“Okay, your turn.”

I turned around to see Carolyn walking toward me, her soaking wet clothes in hand. I hurried behind the tree so I wouldn’t have to look at her.

I saw my yeoja chingu’s bra… 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~