Impact

A Fangirl's Dream

*Carolyn’s POV*

“Taemin, what are you going to get?” I asked as I looked over the menu.

“Um, well… I think I’ll have mac ‘n cheese,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“What?” I looked over the menu for where it said mac ‘n cheese. I didn’t see it anywhere. “They don’t… Taemin, that’s the kid’s menu!”

“I know, but I like mac ‘n cheese,” he smiled cutely; so cutely that I couldn’t help but smile.

“Well if you’re going to get mac ‘n cheese, I guess I’ll get chicken fingers then,” I laughed.

“I think I’m going to have veggie sushi,” Nicole announced.

“Ewww; why would you want that?” Taemin asked, crinkling his nose.

“Because it’s good for you and gives your skin a healthy, natural glow!” she remarked, rubbing her hands over her cheeks as if she was rubbing in moisturizing cream.

This time it was my turn for an eye roll, though I made sure that Nicole didn’t see it. Nicole had been nicer since our bonding in the woods, but still not NICE. She treated me with a little more respect, but still viewed Taemin as an annoying child.

“I’ll just have a burger,” Minho shrugged, placing his menu on top of the pile we’d made.

“I have to start making you eat healthier,” Nicole said poking Minho’s stomach.

“Hey! You touched me!” he said with a shocked yet happy expression.

“I only poked your stomach. That doesn’t count!” she complained.

The two bickered back and forth while Taemin and I talked for a bit.

“Oppa, I have something I want to show you,” I smiled as reached into my purse. I dug my hand around, but didn’t feel the object anywhere. Peaking inside the yellow bag, I couldn’t find the cute picture of us I had edited.

“What is it?” he asked as I dug.

“Hmmm, I must’ve left it in the car. I’ll go get it. You stay here, I’ll be right back,” I smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading out of the restaurant.

A warm, misty rain and begun to fall, creating a layer of fog above the ground. I took a deep breath in. I loved the smell of the damp earth and moist air. The sound of the rain pinging off the roof made me smile. It was such a beautiful sight; I wanted to sit here and draw it all. However, that sad reality was that it was be impossible to sketch this scene to its full glory. I sighed and stepped out into the rain.

Thankfully I’d thought ahead and brought a light green hoodie with me just in case it did rain. I slipped it on over my little yellow sundress and hurried through the parking lot, dodging the rain drops as best I could.

*Taemin’s POV*

“Oh crap! I forgot to give Carolyn the car keys,” I sighed as I fished them out of my pocket. “I’ll be right back,” I told the still bickering couple.

“Okay. Now you know you really need to stop. I know you’re purposely teasing me-,”

“Me teasing you?! You’ve got it all wrong!”

I rolled my eyes and headed out the door.

*Carolyn’s POV*

When I got to the car I pulled the door handle hurriedly. However, the door didn’t open. I tugged on the handle again. “Oh, Taemin forgot to give me the keys-,” suddenly the car alarm started to sound. “Crap! Shut up!” I shouted at the vehicle. I kicked the car before turning to run back to the restaurant. The alarm was so loud that I didn’t hear the water spinning under quickly approaching tires.

*Taemin’s POV*

I stepped out of the restaurant to hear the car alarm begin to sound. I laughed to myself and hurried down the steps and into the parking lot. I could see Carolyn by the car. She kicked it in frustration. My smile faded when she turned to run back to the restaurant. My eyes had caught sight of something; something hers hadn’t. 

“Carolyn no!” I shouted as she stepped out from behind our vehicle, unaware of the sleek, black mustang.

Time slowed down. I could see the smile on her face as she placed a footstep right in the car’s path. She was oblivious to its presence. Her smile faded as she turned her head toward the oncoming car, just in time to catch a glimpse of it before contact.

I watched helplessly as the car made impact with her body. Her legs crumpled underneath her and the car slammed on its breaks, though it was already too late. I winced at the sound of the squeaking breaks, the car alarm and the sound of her body being crushed by the vehicle. The car skidded to a halt next to Carolyn’s cold, limp body.

There was a second of silence. All I could hear was the rain, along with the car alarm. Each honk from the car was like a stab in my heart. Suddenly things jerked back to normal time. I found my legs carrying me toward the scene I’d just witnessed. The door of the black mustang opened and a young man stepped out in a hurry.

He looked over his car to see Carolyn’s body lying lifelessly on the pavement. I could see his face begin to crumple as his tears mixed with the rain drops running down his cheeks.

“Nooo!” he shouted. “Why?! How could I… I didn’t see her! I swear I didn’t know- Oh my… oh why?!”

I ignored the man. I didn’t care that he was feeling terrible. I didn’t care that he was sorry. My Carolyn needed me.

I knelt down next to her limp body. “C-Carolyn?” I asked shakily, tears blurring my vision.

There was no response.

“Carolyn!” I cried, throwing my arms around her body. She was still breathing, but they were short, shallow breaths. “Someone call 911!!” I screamed. “Carolyn, stay with me! Everything’s going to be okay! We’ll get you an ambulance! You’ll be all better again!”

Everything else was a blur. I remember Minho and Nicole suddenly being there and seeing red flashing lights. They wanted to take her by herself, but I insisted on riding in the ambulance with her. The next thing I remember was being at the hospital. Someone was holding me back as they wheeled her away from me. I tried to chase after her, fighting the person’s grip, but they were too strong. The last thing I remember is crying into Minho’s arms.  

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~