Fitting In

A Fangirl's Dream

*Minho’s POV*

I watched Rebecca laugh as Onew splashed her with the cool pool water.

“Haha, stop it oppa!” she cried, covering her face with her hands.

“Water fight!!!!” Taemin yelled as he joined in on the splashing.

“Hey, why are you all targeting me?” Rebecca complained as she splashed back at them.

“You should talk to her Minho,” Nicole’s voice whispered in my ear as she took my hand.

“What do I say? She doesn’t seem upset at all!”

“It’ll just come. You two always know what to say when you’re around each other.”

“I don’t like how you said that…”

“I guess I’m just scared of losing you. I’ve never felt this way about someone-,”

“You don’t have to worry,” I smiled at her. “I already told you: I won’t let you fall.”

She smiled back at me.

“Now let’s join this fight shall we?!”

*Onew’s POV*

The water fight had grown even bigger now, consisting of Rebecca, Taemin, Carolyn, Jonghyun, Brianna, Key and me. Suddenly I noticed someone standing beside me. I looked to see who it was, but my smile faded as I made out their face.

It was Minho.

He smiled over at me, but I immediately moved away. This guy had cheated on Rebecca.

Now, I understand that it could’ve totally been something different; after all, I’d been used by Nicole too. But the fact that he held hands with Nicole and hung out with her, right in front of Rebecca was taking it too far. He was doing this out of choice and practically rubbing it in her face. She acted as if she didn’t care, but I could tell it was secretly killing her. I knew from her rant in the shed that she had only been using Minho, but she was still hurting. I couldn’t blame her. I’d be pissed too if my second choice left me for the same person that stole my first choice. Minho was my dongsaeng, a friend, a band mate; but I was furious at him.

*Taemin’s POV*

I was having a blast with this water fight, when suddenly I heard Nicole screaming and giggling next to me. I felt a burning anger come over me. I sent her a glare before moving away to stand with Carolyn.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty chill guy. I’m usually not one to be mean or hold grudges, but this girl had been trying to tear apart this family. I didn’t understand why she expected us so just accept her now that she was ‘with’ Minho. Not only had she caused us enough pain, but she’d even stolen Minho from Rebecca! She didn’t deserve the respect she was looking for.

*Annie’s POV*

What’s up with everybody hating on those two? And why is Key holding hands with that girl? Are these pair things actually real?! Oh GOSH what did I get myself into?!

I peaked over my sunglasses at the dirty blonde whose hand was intertwined with Key’s. I felt sorry for her. She had no idea what was in store for her; how much of a heartbreaker Key really was.

She’ll find out soon enough…

My attention was then drawn to my ‘match.’ Jonghyun was a funny guy. He tried to act manly, but I could see right past the act. On the inside he was harmless and cute. When he tried to act all strong it only made me laugh.

This guy seems pretty cool. I think we’ll be good friends!

“Hey Annie, you should come in,” Jonghyun smiled, coming to the edge of the pool.

I smiled at him from my lounge chair, “No thanks, I’m fine right here.”

“Then I,” he pushed himself out of the pool, “will join you.”

He looked so frickin y with his six-pack covered in tiny water droplets and his wet hair stuck to the sides of his face.

Don’t get caught up in his looks Annie. You’re not going to let another guy use you.

He sat down at the end of the lounge chair and began massaging my feet.

“How does that feel?” he smiled up at me deviously.

I rolled my eyes and hit him with my magazine.

“Let go of my feet,” I demanded, sticking my tongue out at him.

“Fine,” he put his hands in the air. “You know you’re really different from any other girl I’ve met.”

“How so?” I asked, looking back to my magazine.

“You’re not easy.”

I glanced up at him, “Or maybe I just don’t go crazy for all those corny moves you pull.”

“Ha, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re still a !”

I answered simply, without looking up from my magazine, “You don’t know me Jjong.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I answered by pushing him off the chair and into the pool with my feet. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~