Things to Say

A Fangirl's Dream

*Jonghyun’s POV*

“So, tell me something about yourself.”

Annie looked beautiful as she hiked. She was tough and strong; snapping any twig that dared get in her way. Though her movements were yelling ‘I’m tough,’ her outfit screamed ‘I’m so frickin cute I know you just want to kiss me!’ (http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3477/3845839329_79375d66fd_z.jpg) I needed to find out more about this girl.

“Well,” she replied, not bothering to turn and face me. “I have an older sister.”

“How old is she?” I asked.

“She’s twenty-one now.”

“Oh; what’s her name?”

“Do you want to know about me, or about my sister?”

“Sorry, just trying to keep the conversation going,” I said, blushing. “Um, how long was your longest relationship.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“The whole relationship thing. I’ve considered starting one soon, but it just never made sense to me before. Relationships are for finding out if you’re compatible enough for marriage. Why would I want to know that kind of stuff when I’m just a teenager? No; now that I’m 18 I think it’s finally time to start CONSIDERING the idea.”

“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders,” I smiled. This girl really was something else. “So I take it you’re-,”

“A ? You don’t have to be in a relationship to have .”

“I was just going to say a big romantic, but that works too.” I covered up quickly. I actually was going to say …

“Whatever.”

This girl was so strange. She had so much confidence; it was almost as if she could read my mind.

Where ever did you come from?

*Brianna’s POV*

“I think I see the campsite Key!” I shouted over my shoulder. “Yes! There’s a picnic table and a fire pit… and look! There’s a pink marker tied to that tree!”

I ran excitedly to the tree, untying the pink marker. It turned out to be two bandanas.

“It’s like survivor!” I shouted, dropping my bags on the picnic table before tying the bandana around my head.

“Here.” I handed Key his bandana as he plopped down on the picnic bench next to me.

“Thanks,” he panted, a smile forming across his face.

This is all so cool! I can barely contain my excitement! Oh- Oh. My. Gosh………… Look at Key!

I became speechless. He looked so… beautiful! He rested his back and arms against the picnic table, stretching his legs out in front of him. He had his head tilted up with his eyes closed. Beads of sweat rolled down the side of his face and he tried to catch his breath. His dampened hair was plastered to his forehead. I watched his sweaty chest rise up… then down… then up… then down…

You are so beautiful Key.

I finally got a hold of myself and sat down next to him on the picnic bench. I took his hand in mine, and he opened one of his eyes to look at me.

“Key, I need to say something. It’s something that I know we’ve just been taking for granite, but it’s time we actually say it. There’s so much meaning in words, and I feel like once we say it, it’ll mean so much more than it already does. I’m afraid because I’ve never said this to someone before. I just want-,”

I closed my eyes as he softly kissed my lips.

“Just say it yebo,” he smiled, still breathing heavily.

“I-I love you, Kim Kibum.”

“I love you too, Brianna.”

I wrapped my arms around his sweaty neck as he leaned in for a kiss.

 

 

 

 

*Hey guys! Make sure to check out this awesome roleplay story I just joined called @♪☆→Forever Dreaming Roleplay←★♫. It's brand new so I could practically garuntee that your bias has not been taken (unless it's Onew, IU, Sunny or L). It's so cool, but we need more people to join! Here's the link if you're interested: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/148600/forever-dreaming-roleplay-cpop-jpop-jrock-kpop-roleplay-uzzlang-animals

Hope you guys are enjoying the storyyyy!!! c: Any guesses on what you think might happen during this camping trip? Comment your ideas ;) Love to all my readers<3Hope    . 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~