Who's Kiss is it Anyway?

A Fangirl's Dream

*Carolyn’s POV*

The next morning I woke up, got ready, then went downstairs for breakfast (which Key always made for the rest of us). Last night he asked me to wake up a half hour early and meet him in the kitchen so we could spend some one-on-one time. I was shocked and confused by the feeling of dread that came over me at his request.

“Good morning beautiful!” Key said cheeringly as I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the island counter. I was still super tired.

“Good morning,” I yawned, laying my head down on the counter.

“Well someone’s tired.” Key came over and sat next to me.

“Mmmm,” I mumbled.

“So how’ve things been; like between you and Taemin?”

“Oh, pretty good I guess,” I answered, half asleep.

“Do you like him?”

“He’s cute.”

“Carolyn!”

“What?!” I sat straight up as Key slapped my arm. “Oh, I mean, um he’s funny and different. But definitely not as cute as you Key!”

He eyed me with suspicion.

“Are you positive about that?”

“Of course,” I smiled back at him, wishing I didn’t have to lie.

“Good,” he said leaning in toward me. “Because I think you’re cute too.”

He leaned in closer… closer… and began to close his eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I liked Key, but I didn’t want to kiss him. I didn’t know how to let him down; it’s not like we were actually ‘dating’ or anything, so I couldn’t just ‘break up’ with him. His lips were almost to mine now. Just before our lips met, I did the most pathetic, lowest thing I’d ever done.

“Ahhh!” I screamed as my chair ‘accidentally’ tipped over and crashed to the floor.

“OMO Carolyn! Are you okay?!” Key rushed to my side.

“Y-y-yeah I’m fine,” I answered, massaging my tailbone in pain. I couldn’t even fake falling without getting hurt!

Key helped me up and put his hands on my shoulders.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” he asked again, looking deep into my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I darted my line of sight around the room. If I looked at him, I knew I’d have to kiss him.

“Woah, what’s going on here?”

We turned to see Taemin, Jonghyun, Brianna and Rebecca standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Oh, um I fell,” I explained. I could feel my cheeks flushing bright red.

“We all heard your scream and thought there was a robber in the house or something,” Brianna said as she, along with the other three, filed into the kitchen.

“Are you okay?” Taemin asked me, looking at me in pure concern.

“Yeah, really, I’m fine,” I answered.

Everyone else was probably thinking how cute Taemin was asking me if I was okay, but all I saw was a gentleman; a sweet, caring, grownup gentleman. I tore my gaze away from Taemin. I couldn’t bear looking at him. I just wanted to… to… kiss him.

*Brianna’s POV*

Why is she looking at Taemin that way? 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~