Taking Control

A Fangirl's Dream

*Annie’s POV*

I led Vanessa into the house and upstairs to Carolyn’s old room. Carolyn was still staying in the guest room downstairs because of her leg, so this was the only room left for Vanessa.

“So, you really wanna be friends with me? Cool! You can just set my bag down on the bed. What have you and Jonghyun been doing? You should tell me everything if we’re going to be friends-,”

“Shut up!” I shouted, catching her off guard.

“Hey! That’s not what friends say!” she pouted and crossed her arms.

“We’re not friends!”

“But you said we were! I had the perfect idea for us to make friendship bracelets. We could even share Jonghyun! Well, I’d get him mostly to myself, but I’d let you hang out with him too-,”

Before she could even react I had her pushed up against the wall with all my force.

“Ow! Hey what are you doing?!” she asked, struggling under my hold.

“You listen to me!” I snapped, pushing her even harder against the wall. “Jonghyun is mine. No matter what you try to do he will always be mine. He LOVES ME, not you. You are obsessed with him and you need to stop, because I swear if you even touch him I will make you regret it!”

“I’m not scared-,” I slammed her against the wall again. “Okay! Fine! He’s yours!”

“Good,” I let my hot breath hit her in the face. “You better not be lying either, because I’ll know if you try anything.”

“Arasso! I got it, I got it!”

I stared at her threateningly for a few more seconds before releasing my grip on her. She dropped to the floor in fright.

“I don’t want you helping me unpack anymore,” she whimpered.

“I wasn’t exactly planning on it. Just stay out of Jonghyun’s and my way and everything will be okay. Glad we had this little talk!”

I my heel and walked out of the room, satisfied with my performance. I exited the room to find Jonghyun walking down the hall toward me.

“How’d it go?” Jonghyun asked, jogging over to me.

“Let’s just say I’ll be really surprised if she bothers you or me again,” I smirked.

“What did you do?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re mine,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. “And I let her know that.”

“How-,”

I cut him off with a long, passionate kiss. When I pulled away he was smiling like an idiot.

“I don’t care what you did, I’m just glad you did it.”

“Come on, let’s go down and hang out with the others,” I suggested, taking him by the hand and pulling him toward the stairs.

“Alright,” he nodded and followed me, swinging our interlocked hands and smiling.  

 

 

 

 

 

xD I love this picture ^.^

Cute-kim-jonghyun-16565694-459-336.jpg 

Choesonghamnida for the short chapter >.<

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~