Fangirl Fever to the Death

A Fangirl's Dream

*Jonghyun’s POV*

“KISS ME JONGHYUN!!!!”

I only ran faster, darting in and out of the other people walking along the sidewalk.

“Get away from me you lunatic!” I shouted over my shoulder, hurrying to get to the destination in mind before she caught me.

“Just kiss me and I’ll leave you alone!”

“No you won’t! You’ll probably me!”

“Ahhh you know me too well, baby!”

I was getting tired, but at this statement I somehow found the energy deep down in me and put on a burst of speed.

I ran into the apartment building and up the stairs, Vanessa close on my heels.

“You can run but you can’t hide my little dino!” she called after me as we flew up the stairs, two at a time.

When I got to the third floor I darted out of the stairwell and sprinted down the hallway until I came to room 398.

I slammed my fist repeatedly on the door.

“PLEASE COME OUT! PLEASE HELP ME! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

“I caught you…”

I turned around to see Vanessa walking slowly toward me, wearing the creepiest grin I’d ever seen.

“No running now!” she shouted as she pounced on me, shoving her lips against mine and grabbing hold of my arms. I was pinned between her and the wall next to the door.

“Let go!” I managed through my smothered lips.

Suddenly the door next to us flung open, and there stood our manager. I was ready to cry out of joy when I saw him.

“Get off of him!” The manager ripped Vanessa off of me, holding her back. “What the heck is wrong with you?!”

“I just wanted a kiss,” she said, that creepy smile greeting her creepy face once again. Yeah, the word ‘creepy’ really just summed her up.

“You’re coming with me,” the manager said, pulling her toward the stairs.

---------------------------------------

I waved as the taxi pulled away from the curb, putting on a sad face.

“Bye Vanessa!” I called in mock sorrow.

“I’ll wait for you Jonghyun…” she yelled out the window, her voice fading as the vehicle turned the corner.

“YES!!!!!” I shouted as soon as the taxi was out of sight. “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!” I smothered our manager with a giant hug.

“Relax Jonghyun, it’s nothing that great. Now you don’t have a match, and we have to find you a replacement. Sorry about that psycho though. I didn’t believe how bad she was until I saw it with my own eyes. Thank you for putting up with her for the past few days,” our manager said, slipping out of my bear hug.

“No! You don’t have to find me another date!” I replied so fast that it took the manager a second to process what I said. I didn’t want to risk getting stuck with another psycho.

“Well, that means you’ll just have to associate with the other couples enough to practice your English. Okay?”

“Okay!” I smiled. I was willing to do ANYTHING. I was just glad to be rid of that monster.

“Gosh, I’ll never understand what it is about you guys that makes girls act that way. It’s like a disease,” the manager mumbled as he walked back into his apartment building.

I guess there is such a thing as being too perfect. Well, it’s not my fault I’m so amazing.

I just shrugged and headed back to the rental car I’d driven into town this morning.  

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~