La La Love

A Fangirl's Dream

*Onew’s POV*

I laughed as Rebecca skipped ahead of me. She danced around, humming quietly to herself as we went.

“What song is that?” I asked with a laugh.

“Oh,” she stopped and turned toward me, blushing. “Um, it’s called ‘La La’. It’s by The Cab.”

“I’ve never heard it. Sing it for me!”

“Oppa no!” she cried. “I don’t sing!”

“Of course you do. I heard you telling Brianna about some singing contest you entered for chorus, and about the musical. You even got a lead!”

“Eavesdropper!” she stuck her tongue out at me.

Now it was my turn to blush.

“I just don’t like singing in front of people I know. Especially just one person,” she explained.

“Well sing me the chorus and once I learn it, I’ll sing it with you.”

“Even better…” she brightened up and suddenly reached into the pocket of her hoodie. “…I’ll play it on my iPod!”

I tapped the screen and ran her finger down it, scrolling through her songs. Finally she found it. She clicked it and turned the volume all the way up. She had a newer generation iPod, so the sound was really good.

She began to sing along with the music softly smiling and dancing around a bit while we walked. Our camp was the farthest away, so we still had a while to go.

(Link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-K9SYz2zAk).

The song kept building up, making Rebecca increasingly energetic. Finally it reached the chorus and she couldn’t contain herself anymore. She began to shout the lyrics.

“What would you do if I told you that I la-la-la-la loved you?! Do if I said it tonight?!” She danced around while she sang. ‘What would you do if I told you that I la-la-la-la loved you?! ‘Cause you know I la-la-la lied!”

You’re so adorable.

She was singing obnoxiously, not caring that she didn’t hit the right notes. I loved it though. I liked that she acted like herself around me.

Rebecca turned to me when the song ended.

“What did you think?” she smiled.

“I like your version better than the original,” I laughed, making her blush.

“Oppaaaa,” she complained, but she couldn’t hide her smile. “Oh! Here’s another good one!”

She clicked another song. This time she sang to me and acted out the song. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5iXa7bwTRE&feature=related)

“And I, think you're from another world. And I, I couldn't love another girl. Cause you, you make me feel like I'm intoxicated…” she started, placing one hand on her heart and reaching another out toward me.

The song began to pick up and she spun around a little then posed, making me burst out laughing.

By the time the song was over my stomach was aching from laughter.

“You’re too funny, Rebecca!” I said, gasping for air and trying to stand up straight.

She just laughed cutely.

“Play the first song again! It’s my turn to sing to you!” I said.

“But Oppa, the campsite is right up ahead!”

“Who said we were stopping when we get there?!”

She smiled and pressed play.  

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~