Tears and More Tears

A Fangirl's Dream

*Taemin’s POV*

“Hyung, let me in,” I persisted, banging on the bedroom door once again.

“No,” I heard Jonghyun’s voice yell through the door over his sobs.

“Please at least tell me what’s wrong.”

I heard his feet pad over to the door.

“Imifhaqnei…” he sobbed inaudibly.

“What?!” I asked.

“I miss Annie,” Finally the door cracked open. I looked through the small crack to see Jonghyun’s tear filled face.

“Who the heck is Annie?” I asked, still confused.

“I met her at the dance,” he explained through his tears. “She’s everything I NEVER wanted in a girl.”

“Then why do you like her?”

“I don’t knowwwww. She’s different. She has sense. She’s real.”

Oh my gosh hyung, control yourself!

“Did you get her number?” I asked.

He creaked open the door more, just enough so I could squeeze into his room. I embraced him in a comforting hug and his tears quickly soaked through my shirt.    

“Yes, but it’s not hers! She gave me the wrong number!” The tears began spilling out of his eyes even harder.

“Well did you give her yours?”

“Of course! But she hasn’t called me or texted me or anything.”

“Maybe if you just give it time hyung-,”

“I’ve given it time! A day is enough time! I just want Annie… I want her nowwwww.”

I comforted him for a little while longer, before leaving him alone in his room, his tears his only company.

This ‘family’ is seriously falling apart. First Onew is all depressed, then Carolyn gets mad at me for no reason, and now Jonghyun is sobbing over some girl that is totally not his type that he only met last night. Aigoo, my life…

*Nicole’s POV*

Gosh, I was enjoying this way too much!

Okay, now what can I do to split up Key and Brianna? Well, Key is very protective, so maybe I can make him jealous… Yes! Because that would cause problems between SHINee as well, and this would just keep getting better and better! Ohhh, I’m just too good! But who do I use… I know; Minho!

*Brianna’s POV*

“Shhh, it’ll be okay.”

I my young sachon’s long hair as she cried into my arms.

“If he wants that over you, then that just go to show how wrong he is for you. You deserve sooo much better! And look on the bright side: you’ve got Minho now! I know he’s going to treat you well. He’s a great guy, and closer to your age-,”

“You can’t tell anyone!” Rebecca stopped me, her eyes big. “Minho didn’t want me to tell anyone about this because he’s afraid if we get found out then I might get kicked out for not being with my pairing. It’s so unfair! But you can’t let him know that I told you, okay?”

“Okay…,” I answered.

I didn’t like the situation at all. Everything seemed to be falling apart. I just hoped Key and I would stand strong through this.

“Oh gosh, I just thought of something,” Rebecca froze.

“What is it?”

“We’re going on single dates tomorrow. That means… Onew…,”

“You can get through it Sachon; I know you can. Just act kindly and respectfully to him, but nothing more,” I directed. “And if he tries anything on you, you come straight to me, okay? Cause I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Haha, thanks Brianna,” she giggled. “But he wouldn’t do something like that. He’s too sweet and innocent…” She trailed off, not finishing her now seemingly false description of Onew. 

 

 

 

*Thinking of going on an updating spree consisting of FIVE new chapters (not counting this one); but only if you guys want me to! Let me know if you want me to by commenting! I'm thinking at least five comments? Five for five;)  

I tried to get a picture of Taemin comforting Jonghyun while crying, but out of allllllll his crying pictures (there's quite a few lol) they were only of Minho comforting him. Good 'ole Min. Always there for his hyungs/dongsaeng. Though I know we all never like to see our SHINee boys crying anyway:( Breaks my heart too<3 Anyway! Things are a mess in the mansion huh? Who's gonna make it through? Mmmmm we'll see! Thank you and love you to all my readers. You guys make my days just a little brighter(: Saranghae<3

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~