Just Keep Swimming

A Fangirl's Dream

*Nicole’s POV*

“No! No!” I screamed; just as Minho pulled me into the pool with one finally tug. The cold water took my breath away, but I soon recovered and resurfaced. “Not funny,” I pouted, crossing my arms and staring at Minho.

“You said you want to cool off,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but I was planning on making my entrance a little more graceful,” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“So what you’re saying,” Minho made his way toward the shallow end and climbed the steps out of the pool. “is you wanted to enter like this?” He slowly began to descend into the water, taking each step slowly and carefully. He put his arms up gracefully like a ballerina, twirled in a circle, then took a final leap into the water.

“Oh gawsh,” I rolled my eyes, trying my hardest not to laugh. “Let me show you the right way.”

I made my way to the top of the stairs and turned around the face Minho.

“Now, you have to make a proper entrance with your chin up and shoulders back. Watch me now.” I rested one hand gently on the railing and stepped down slowly to the first step. “Once you get here, you give a little wave like so…” I put a hand up and turned it back and forth, just like in the Miss America pageants. “Now as the gentleman you’re supposed to come over and me down the rest of the way.”

“Yes ma’am!” Minho saluted me. I ended my eye roll just as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He offered me his hand and I accepted it with a nod.

“Now when I get down to the bottom you- oh!” Suddenly my foot slipped out from underneath me. I closed my eyes, ready to hit the stairs and bruise my lovely tail bone, but was relieved to feel Minho’s arms break my fall. I opened my eyes to see his face above me.

“That was very graceful,” he smirked tauntingly.

“Well at least you caught me,” I retorted.

“And what if I hadn’t?”

“Then you would’ve gotten the beating of your life!”

“You couldn’t hit me.”

*Smack*

“Okay, maybe you could,” he concluded, setting me down into the water, not letting go until my feet were securely planted on the pool bottom.

“You know, we never really did conclude who officially won the bet,” I stated, swimming in circles around Minho.

“How about a race?” he suggested. “The winner makes the other person do whatever they want them to for a week.”

“Aww, but Minnie that’s no fair! You’re really fast,” I complained, stopping to give him giant puppy eyes.

“Fine; the winner only makes the loser do whatever they want for a day,” he compromised.

“Okayyyy,” I sighed.

“Hey you two!” We both looked up to see Onew and Rebecca exiting the house in their swimming gear.

“Finally,” I rolled my eyes. “You can be the judges. Minho and I are going to race from one end of the pool to the other, okay?”

“Okay,” Onew agreed. He led Rebecca by the hand to the end of the pool where the ‘finish line’ would be. “Are you ready?”

“Yes!” Minho and I called back as we took our positions by the stairs.

“Okay; hana, tul, set!” he shouted, and we were off.

I swam with all my might; just liked I’d been trained to for so many years. Minho didn’t know my secret, but he’d find out by the end of the race.

“Done!” I shouted when I reached the other end of the pool and slapped the cement sidewalk.

“Nicole wins!” Rebecca shouted, offering me a high-five. I accepted it and then turned to look at Minho, a devious smirk on my face.

“How… did you-,” he panted, but I cut him off.

“Swimming lessons,” I explained. “I’ve been part of a traveling swim team for years now.”

“You little cheater,” he glared.

“Hey, I just used my resources,” I winked.

He moved closer to me so that only I could hear, though Rebecca and Onew weren’t paying attention to us anyway. “Tell me this though: If you knew you were going to win, why did you make me switch the reward to only one day?”

“Because,” I looked into his eyes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I left my face next to his to whisper into his ear, “I didn’t want you to be my slave for our last full week together.”

He wrapped my hand in his and returned my cheek-peck with one of his own.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~