Arrival

A Fangirl's Dream

*Onew’s POV*

“Hyung… Hyung?” I heard a whisper in my ear, jerking me awake and causing me to lose grip on the wonderful dream I’d been having.

“What is it Taemin?” I croaked, not even bothering to open my eyes.

“Are we almost there?”

“Taemin what-,” Then I remembered where we were. I looked out the window of the giant airplane and was greeted by a sea of white. “How am I supposed to know if we’re almost there Taemin?” I complained, then fell back to sleep.

*Minho’s POV*

I heard the whole conversation between Taemin and Onew. When Taemin looked across the isle at me, I cut him off before he could speak. “I don’t know either Taemin.”

He pouted at me. He opened his mouth, but Key (who was sitting next to me) piped up, “Don’t look at me. A diva doesn’t care as along as they get there.” He went back to reading his magazine on New York fashion.

Taemin turned around in his seat to ask Jonghyun hyung, who was in the row of seats directly behind him, but blushed and faced forward again when he saw Jonghyun busy flirting with the girl next time him.

“Yeah Baby, I’m pretty popular back in Korea,” he winked, causing the girl to sigh and place a hand on her chest.

I rolled my eyes. No matter where we were, Jonghyun always had his game on.

“Hello passengers. I hope you’ve had a comfortable flight. We will begin our 15 minute descent into New York City now. Please stay in your seats with your seatbelts fasten-,”

“CHICKEN!”

All heads turned toward Onew who was sitting up straight, and looking around in confusion after coming out of his dream.

That boy and his chicken fantasies…

“Um, anyway,” the flight attendant carried on after Onew’s unexpected outburst, “Please sit tight. Thank you for choosing Korean Airlines JFK.”

--------------------------------------- 

The plane landed and we all filed off one by one. As soon as we entered into the airport building Taemin ran straight for the bathrooms.

“Wait there for me hyungs! I have to go so bad…” His voice faded as he rounded the corner into the public restroom.

The rest of us followed. A fourteen hour trip with only one small bathroom in the back of the plane was not the greatest thing in the world; especially when 2 hours out the toilet broke. We all had been dying for the past hour.

“Key don’t you have to go?” Onew asked the tall diva.

“Ewe, in a public restroom? I think not! You guys go ahead. I’ll wait until we get to the mansion.”

How does he hold it in?!

I shrugged and proceeded to take care of myself.

*Taemin’s POV*

I stuck my head out the taxi van as we drove through the great city of New York. It looked just like Seoul, except the people were different, the smells were different and everything was written in English.

“Taemin, pull your head back inside. You could get hurt doing that,” Key Omma complained, hitting me on the shoulder.

“But-,”

“Taemin!”

I pulled my head back inside.

*Jonghyun’s POV*

As the time passed the city began to turn into suburbs, and the suburbs into farmland. Before we knew it we were traveling past fields of corn, and cows grazing in their pastures.

Aigoo I just want to get there!

I willed the taxi to move faster. I needed to see these girls for myself.

I hope SME picked a good one for me. Gosh, this is going to be so much fun!

*Key’s POV*

I was relieved when we pulled up to the mansion. I had been afraid because we were driving through farm country that we’d be living on a ranch. The mansion was just the opposite. There were fountains, gardens, fancy gates… it was beautiful.

The mansion itself was breathtaking. The cream colored, three story building towered high above us as we exited the taxi van. The steps were made of marble and two-story windows were placed on either side of the grand door. I could get used to this. Ohhh I could definitely get used to this.

*Onew’s POV*

The staff brought our bags inside and followed us as we scurried around, choosing our rooms. The house was so big that we each could have our own room! On the other side of the house was the girls’ wing. From what the staff told us, the girls were already here and all down by the pool in the gardens out back. We organized our rooms quickly, then hurried downstairs to meet our new yeojachingus. 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~