Getting to Know You (Taemin+Brianna and Onew+Vanessa)

A Fangirl's Dream

*Taemin’s POV*

“Weeee!” I shouted as Brianna pushed me higher and higher on the swing. 

“Hahaha, you’re too funny Taemin!” she laughed and stopped pushing me, leaving me to pump with my legs. “So, how different is America from Korea?”

“Well, there’s not that many people with slanty eyes here in America, and there are a lot more drive thru restaurants.”

“Haha, that’s because we’re all lazy dingleberries.”

The comment sent me dying in laughter. “Brianna, you’re the funniest girl I know! I’m so glad I met you first out of all the girls!”

*Brianna’s POV*

I blushed at his charming words.

Gosh this guy is soooo cute!

“Wanna see who can jump the furthest?” I asked as I hopped onto the swing next to him.

“Sure! But prepare to loose… dingleberry!”

“Oh, now it’s on!” I began to pump my legs, increasing my height and speed on the swing. Finally we got so that we were in sync with each other.

“Ready?” Taemin asked, smiling over at me.

“Ready,” I smiled back.

“Hana… tul… set!”

We leapt off the swings at the same time. It felt like we were flying!...then falling.

Our feet hit the ground at the same time, but practically in the same place as well, causing us both to lose our balance and fall backward.

“Oof!”

I felt my body being sandwiched between the ground, and something… warm? And… soft?

“What the-,” I started, opening my eyes, but my words came to a halt when I found myself staring into Taemin’s own eyes.

“Uh, I, um, uh…” he stuttered. “I’m sorry.” However, even after he apologized, he just stayed there, lying on top of me, gazing into my warm, hazel eyes.

“Taemin?”

“Yeah?”

“I think it’s time… for you… to get off my now.” I was so squished I could barely get the words out of my mouth.

“Oh; right. Right! Sorry!”

He stood up quickly and offered a hand to help me up.

When I was back on my feet I noticed Taemin’s eyes darting all around, avoiding my gaze at all costs.

“I’m really, really sorry,” he pleaded, not knowing what else to say.

As his “sorry’s” continued, I did something not even I expected. I took his hand, pulled him close to me, and kissed him on the cheek. It happened so fast, I wasn’t sure if I had imagined it, or it really happened. But, when I looked over and saw Taemin’s tomato-red face, the truth became evident.

I bit my lip. Did I really just do that?

*Onew’s POV*

“So, what do you like to do?” It was the first thing I had said since Vanessa began our tour around the mansion.

“I love to talk, laugh, sing, party, and watch videos of Jonghyun on Youtube. Gosh, he’s soooo cute! Did you know…” Her voice faded as I began to drift off into my thoughts.

Why hadn’t Vanessa grabbed Minho? Why hadn’t she left me with that other girl… oh what was her name…Rebecca! She was the one my eyes were first drawn to. Why hadn’t I gotten to spend time with her instead of this maniac?!

I crossed my fingers and hoped with all my heart that Minho was doing badly; stuttering, saying the wrong things, ANYTHING. I just wanted to get my chance with Rebecca, before it was too late… 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~