Lying to Myself

A Fangirl's Dream

*Taemin’s POV*

“So what’s the plan for today?” Vanessa asked, practically jumping out of her skin.

We were all gathered on the back deck, waiting to hear what the manager had planned for us.

“How many of you like animals?” the manager asked.

“Me!” I jumped up excitedly raising my hand. I looked around to see everyone staring at me; well everyone besides Vanessa and Nicole. Vanessa had had almost the reaction as me, except she was waving both her hands in the air like she was an animal herself. Nicole had a disgusted look on her face.

I slowly sat back down in embarrassment. Carolyn grabbed my arm and laughed, whispering in my ear, “Calm down there tiger!”

“Anyway, today you’ll all be taking a trip to the zoo!” the manager went on.

“Awesome!” “How cool!” “I love the pandas.” “I haven’t been to the zoo in forever!” “Ew, animals disgust me.” Multiple voices echoed all at once.

“Calm down!” the manager said rolling his eyes. “There’s two limos parked out in front of the mansion. Jonghyun, Annie, Key, Brianna, Carolyn and Taemin will be in one while Nicole, Minho, Onew, Rebecca and Vanessa will ride in the other.”

I sighed in relief. Vanessa hadn’t targeted Carolyn and me yet, but I was afraid that that would change any second. I don’t know what I would do if I had to be stuck in a limo with her. However, I felt very sorry for Onew who was always being targeted by her and would now have to ride with her. At least he had Rebecca, ne?

*Minho’s POV*

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Nicole mumbled under her breath. “We’ve got to be stuck with the psycho. Sweet.”

I was feeling the same way, except doubled. Not only did I have to worry about Vanessa coming after me, but I also had to ride with Rebecca who obviously wanted me so bad.

What if Vanessa goes after Onew and then Rebecca goes after me? OMO, I’m going to die.

We made our way out around the mansion to the front drive where two sleek, black limos waited for us. The chauffer opened the door for us, and Vanessa literally dove inside.

“This is soooo awesome!” her obnoxious voice cried from inside.

I just rolled my eyes and helped Nicole in. I climbed in after her and we sat on the opposite side of the limo from Vanessa. Onew helped Rebecca climb in next, and I immediately took up as much room as possible on our bench.

“There’s no room here!” I said hastily.

“Um, okay? I wasn’t going to sit there anyway,” Rebecca said with a What-The-Heck-You-Spaz expression on her face.

“Minho,” Nicole slapped me on the arm. “Don’t be rude! There’s plenty of room here if you want to sit with us.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll just sit over here with Onew and… Vanessa.” For being such a nice mannered person, it was pretty funny to see her response to the crazy girl’s name. It was pretty cute. No! Nope, it wasn’t. Not at all, because only Nicole can be cute… ne?

Onew tripped into the vehicle, landing in my lap.

“Jeez hyung, I didn’t know you felt that way about me,” I joked since we were face to face.

“Ah!” he pulled back and sat down sat to Rebecca. “Sorry about that,” he blushed.

“Mwolhedo Onew Sangtae!” Rebecca laughed, taking his hand in hers and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Hey, I thought that was our joke!” I snapped a little too harshly.

“I’m sorry,” Rebecca looked up at me with hurt eyes. Darn those puppy eyes!

“Oh … I thought since she’s my girlfriend and everything it would be okay…” Onew said.

“No, I’m sorry I just… never mind,” I said, crossing my arms and looking out the window.

I bet that was another absurd attempt by Rebecca! Yes, I bet she did that just so I’d yell at her and she could give me those puppy eyes.

“Minho, are you okay?” Nicole asked, setting her hands on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, turning to face her. “I just love you soooo much.”

I slipped my hand behind her neck and pulled her in for a long, deep kiss.

Gah see? This is like pest control! Rebecca you are an annoying termite and each second of this kiss is squashing you. Having trouble breathing? Yes, die pesky bug! Die… what am I do? Aigoo, I’m such a babo.

“Minho, we’re supposed to be starting our break up. We can’t do this,” Nicole said, pulling away and gasping for breath. “But, are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

“Positive,” I said with a smile.

“Hey guys! They have snacks!” Vanessa shouted from the other end of the limo where the mini fridge could be found. She had three bags of chips in her hands, along with two bottles of coke. Chips spilled out of when she talked. We all just looked away in disgust.

Once in a while I’d glance over at Rebecca to see if she was getting jealous of all the special affection I was giving Nicole. However, she seemed not even to notice, continuing to talk and laugh with Onew.

She’s just pretending. I can see it in her eyes. She’s so madly in love with me. Well ha! I just feel bad that she’s going to hurt Onew over me: a man who doesn’t like her that way. Poor girl won’t even know what’s coming.

*Rebecca’s POV*

Onew had me laughing the whole ride to the zoo. I had a great time, but sometimes would feel someone’s eyes on me. I’d look over just in time to see Minho looking away.

What a creeper. I shrugged and continued listening to my sweet boyfriend’s voice, laughing along with his corny jokes, and knowing that nothing could feel more right.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~