Getting to Know You (Key+Carolyn)

A Fangirl's Dream

*Key’s POV*

“This is amazing!” I exclaimed as she showed me another drawing. I had never seen sketches as good as these. They deserved to be hung up in a gallery; shown to the world.

“Haha, it’s really not,” she giggled, blushing as she did so.

The first time anyone ever meets me, they always say that I am cold and they feel that I hate them. It’s not that I hate them; it’s just that I speak my mind. Being honest is good right? Anyway, with this girl, I didn’t have to force my honesty, she was actually very talented. I kind of liked her too. She was the first one to grab my attention (maybe it was her beautiful red curls)? Anyway, her drawings were amazing, she was totally sweet, and (if I ever did have a reason to) I knew I could never be mean to her.

“Are you kidding me?! This is better than anything I’ve ever seen! Hey, do you think I could use this as a template and actually make an outfit with it?”

She stared at me, hanging open. I smiled, then reached over, pushing up lightly on her jaw to close it. She immediately blushed.

“So, do you really mean it? You really want to make this outfit?” A smile spread across my face as she looked up at me with innocent eyes.

“Yes; I really do,” I answered, resting my hand on top of hers.

*Carolyn’s POV*

When Key put his hand on mine I felt my head start to spin. His touch was so light and gentle. He had the hands of an angel, and when he looked at me with his eyes… Oh those eyes. I knew the butterflies would never stop.

Gosh, he’s just so-

“And this is the kitchen!” Vanessa’s obnoxious, squeaky voice cut off my train of thought as she entered the kitchen where Key and I were, dragging Onew behind her. Oh and when I say dragging, I mean DRAGGING! His feet weren’t even moving. He was literally being pulled by force.

“Isn’t it soooo pretty?! I’m a wicked good cook. I can cook for you tonight if you want. I make wicked good muffins. I can make mini muffins, big muffins, regular muffins-,”

“Will you shut up already?!”

I struggled to hold in my laughter as Vanessa turned to face Key, a wild look on her face.

“Excuseeeeee meeee?!” She did the little snappy “z” thing with her fingers, and I finally lost it; curling over in laughter.

“Oh, don’t you even go there missy! Stay out of it!”

This only made me laugh even harder, sending tears down my cheeks. Key began to giggle as well, then it turned into a full on laugh. Before we knew it we were both rolling on the floor holding our stomachs in pain.

“Wow, you guys are so immaturaaaaa!” She rolled her eyes and stomped out of the room, dragging Onew as she went.

We wiped our tears and looked up just in time to catch one last glimpse of Onew’s face. “HELP ME!” was written all over it. We looked away as quickly as we could, but it was too late; we were dying of laughter yet again. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So cute! c: http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh8um3qHVM1qhszdso1_500.jpg  So   

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~