A Time To Hide

A Fangirl's Dream

*Minho’s POV*

I spent the majority of the day shut in my room, packing and blaring music over my iHome. Though the others had forgiven me, I was still too ashamed to face them. Onew checked in on me once, but I quickly told him I was fine.

My stomach growled at me as I stripped the blankets off my bed. I hadn’t eaten all day and I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I quietly slipped out of the room and made my way down the hall. I’d almost made it to the stairs, when I rounded the corner and ran straight into Rebecca.

“Oh, uh sorry,” I mumbled. Her eye was still pretty bad, which made me feel even worse.

“It’s okay,” she answered shyly, looking at the ground and quickly hurrying around me.

I began to walk again when she called my name. I spun around quicker than I expected myself to.

“Yes?”

“I don’t want things to be awkward between us. Can we go back to being friends?” she asked softly.

“I’d like that,” I nodded.

A small smile appeared on her face as she took a step toward me and extended her hand. “Friends?”

“Friends,” I agreed, shaking her hand. We smiled at each other for a second or two, then it just got awkward again.

“Um… I guess I better go now. I need to get my camera to um…” she stuttered, backing down the hall.

“Yeah, I need to go too. Uh, see ya,” I stuttered back.  

I was in deep thought while I made my turkey and cheese sandwich. Rebecca and I were friends now, but in my heart I knew nothing would ever be the same. The worst thing was that I still felt something more than friendship toward her, I just decided to never make the mistake of pursuing that feeling ever again; that is, unless something came between her and Onew…

*Rebecca’s POV*

I ended up doing a whole photo shoot with Jonghyun and Annie. The rain made everything look so beautiful. There were so many different angles, lenses and effects I wanted to try. After the shoot I headed inside to download the pictures onto my computer which was one of the few things I didn’t have packed yet.

“How are you doing?”

I turned around at my desk to see Onew standing in the doorway. A smile immediately met my face at the sight of him.

“Fine,” I answered as he walked toward me. “Just downloading some pictures.” I turned back to the computer screen as he came over and stood next to me, leaning on the back of my chair.

“Wow, these are really good!” he exclaimed as the pictures showed up across my screen.

“Thanks,” I smiled. “See this one?” I pointed to one of the pictures. “I love the raindrops in the foreground with them kissing in the background. It’s so… lustful and delicate. And then there’s this one here too. You can just see the happiness glowing off of them. The effect of her wet hair flying as they spin is cool too… Onew?”

He had walked away for a brief second, but I was tickled pink to see him coming back, carrying a chair along with him.

“Show me your masterpieces,” he smiled, planting his chair next to mine and taking a seat.

I laughed and began to show him more of the pictures I’d taken. We were having a dandy time until that annoying, screechy voice interrupted us.

“Onewieeeeeee come help Nessie packkkyyy!” 

Onew’s eyes widened. “Hide me!”

We jumped up and searched for a place to hide him.

“I know!” I exclaimed. “I’ll distract her while you go sneak over to your room, then I’ll meet you in the hidden music room.”

“Alright, I’ll see you there,” he smiled.

I hurried out of my room and into the hall before Vanessa could get to my room and corner Onew.

“Oh, Vanessa! You’re looking for Onew too?” I questioned.

“Yeah, I thought he’d be with you. I want him to come help me packkk,” she said ‘innocently.’

“Well I’ll tell you what,” I slipped an arm around her shoulders and turned her to face away from my room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Onew slip out and quietly scurry down the hallway in the opposite direction. “What if you search the downstairs while I search the upstairs? It’ll go faster that way.”

“But-,”

“Hurry along; go! We have to find him. Let’s do this. Good luck!” I practically pushed her all the way to the stairs, then hurried away before she had a chance to retort.

I circled the halls a few times to make sure she wasn’t following me before slipping into Onew’s bedroom. The bookcase was slightly cracked open; only noticeable to someone who was looking for it. I slipped behind it and made my way of the rickety steps. Onew was waiting for me at the top.

“I feel so bad,” I said, walking over into his arms.

“I feel like Anne Frank,” he laughed, embracing me.

“Well, we are hiding from something terrible and we are in an attic.”

“Yes; we are,” Onew smiled, raising an eyebrow. “And do you know what attics are good for?”

“No, tell me.”

“It’d be better if I showed you.”

His lips planted themselves on my own, enveloping me in a sea of happiness. I kissed him back, placing my arms around his neck. In one swift motion I had my legs wrapped around his body and his arms around my lower back. From this position I could put more effort into our charming kiss.

He walked us over to the piano, on which he gently set me down on. However, I didn’t let go of him with my hands or my legs. I only used my legs to keep him pulled close to me. His hands caressed my face as we continued our makeout session.

A clap of thunder boomed outside, scaring the both of us. We laughed at our jumpiness then went back to our lip locked state. Suddenly I felt my hair standing on end as if electricity was in the air.

“Onew,” I said, pulling away for a moment. “Do you feel th-ahh!”    

A zapping sound was heard just before the room was plunged into complete darkness. By instinct I clung tight to Onew and closed my eyes.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~