Getting Intimate

A Fangirl's Dream

*Key’s POV*

“Come on Annie, let’s go watch a movie together; JUST you and me,” Jonghyun said, looking directly at me as he emphasized on the word.

Jjong was really starting to bug me. He’d been acting all protective over Annie for the past two days; ever since the whole thing went down the night Carolyn went to the hospital for her wrist. I didn’t understand why he was being so cold toward me. After all, Annie was the one that threw herself at me. I didn’t do anything! What confused me most was that that tough little bulldog was soaking it alllll up. It was like she liked being fawned over by Jonghyun and all his skinship. I was seriously confused.

“Come on Key,” Brianna whispered in my ear. “Let’s go hang out in the garden.” I could see in her eyes that she was worried about me.

“All right yebo,” I smiled, giving her a hug. “I love you, you know.”

She bit her lip to keep from smiling and pulled me out the door to the garden.

*Rebecca’s POV*

“You shot me!” I shouted, looking at Onew in shock.

“Of course I did! That’s how you win the game,” he smirked.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually shoot me! I didn’t even start moving yet.”

“That’s because you were pressing the button to reload your bullets.”

“Teach me,” I sighed, ing the controller toward Onew.

We were playing Call of Duty. Onew had offered to teach me how to play, but I thought I could learn by myself. Little did I know that it was much more difficult than I’d thought. After losing five games in a row, I finally decided to use his help.

It was two days since we’d confessed to each other. We hadn’t kissed or hugged since then, and only held hands once. We acted more like best friends than anything. I wasn’t even sure if everyone else knew we were an item now or now. I wanted to kiss him and act like how the other girls acted around their boyfriends, but I was scared. I could tell Onew felt the same way.

“Now you press this to shoot, and then this one makes you move,” I watched intently as Onew explained the different parts on the controller and what they did. I wasn’t intent on his words, but his actions and facial expressions. He looked so attractive during everything he did; even something as simple as explaining how to throw a grenade. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Just don’t press this one because-,”

I quickly placed a gentle peck on his cheek, making him stop mid-sentence. I looked down at my hands in my lap, but I could feel his gaze on me. He slipped his hand under my chin, lifting my head up to look into his eyes. Not a word was spoken. He leaned in and I felt my eyes begin to close.

*Onew’s POV*

When Rebecca kissed my cheek, I screamed like a little fangirl inside. I’d been dying to show some affection toward her again, but I wasn’t sure how. Now that she had made a move, I felt my instincts taking over. I reached over and lifted her head to look at me. I leaned in and saw her eyes beginning to close, just before I began to close mine.

I hovered in front of her lips, much like during our first kiss. I gulped hard, taking a deep breath before placing my lips on hers. We kissed softly, pulling away just enough for our lips to break contact. I went in again, slipping my hand around the back of her head. She rested a hand on my chest, most likely able to feel my rapidly beating heart.

The kiss was long this time, neither of us wanting to let it go. I felt her hand slipping down my chest and toward my back. It was now resting on my side, between my yellow hoodie and tie-dye shirt. She made her move, so I decided to make mine… though I’d never done this before.

*Rebecca’s POV*

I felt something soft and wet poke my lips. After a second I realized it was Onew’s tongue. I panicked for a second, then relaxed. Two days ago had been my first kiss, and now here we were already using tongue. I figured it was no big deal for Onew because he’s 23 and has probably done this plenty of times, so I just went with it.

I opened my mouth a little and felt his wet tongue slip inside. It began to explore my mouth, mixing our saliva together. The thought of saliva made me want to puke, but I held down my urge to gag by slightly opening my eyes. Seeing Onew’s face right in front of me and knowing his eyes were closed because he was kissing ME was enough to make me forget about the saliva. I closed my eyes again and kissed him back.

His tongue played around with mine for a little bit before exiting my mouth, back to where it came from. Onew and I both took deep breaths. However, before he had a chance to close his mouth, I s my tongue inside. I had never done this before, but I just tried to follow what Onew had done. I could feel the corners of his mouth tugging up into a smile as my tongue slipped past his.

I was barely conscious of my own hand which was creeping toward the bottom of his bright shirt. Slowly I slipped it under the fabric, letting my hand brush over his soft skin. It made me feel all tingly inside, giving me a boost of confidence and putting more passion into my side of the kiss.

Onew must’ve liked that, because he pulled me onto his lap, kissing me back just as passionately. I was so caught up in our kiss that I didn’t noticed my tank top strap slowly inching its way off my shoulder and down my arm.

Both my hands were under his shirt now, feeling every inch of his toned stomach. The feeling of his abs against my hands drove me crazy, making my head spin. I barely noticed his hand, which was on my bare shoulder, slowly moving downwards to my left . I suddenly realized what was going on.

“Onew!” I exclaimed, removing my hands from under his shirt and fixing my strap.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-,”

“Onew, we can’t do this. I’m 15 and you’re-,”

“I know, I know, I’m 23. I’m sorry I just… I don’t know what got into me,” he said looking down.

“No, it was me too. I’m sorry,” I answered. I rested my head against his chest. After a moment of silence I finally spoke. “Why does life have to be so unfair? Why did I have to be born so late?”

“Hey, just think; if you were born any earlier, then you wouldn’t be you,” Onew said trying to cheer me up. “And at least you don’t have to be caught up in all that weird dating stuff in high school, right?” He looked into my eyes.

“Of course not,” I smiled. “Because I have you.”

“Exactly; and I’ll wait for you yebo. I’d wait forever.”

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~