Limo Rides

A Fangirl's Dream

*Minho’s POV*

Out of all people, why did I get paired with this stuck up ?!

I didn’t even bother opening the door for her. I just went around to the other side and climbed into the limo. I sat silently with my arms crossed.

“Wow, you sure look happy,” Nicole said sarcastically. “Oh, poor baby can’t be with his little RebReb! Wah, wah, wah! Well let me tell you I’m better than any country bumpkin.”

I didn’t respond. I just wanted to get out of this vehicle and find Rebecca… NOW!

“Oh, so we’re going to play the silent game? Well that’s okay; I like games.” She winked at me. I just stared out the window.

*Nicole’s POV*

Playing hard to get, huh? Well I can take care of that.

I got up from my seat across from Minho and sat down next to him, so close I was practically on his lap.

“Come on; I’m not that bad.” I began playing with his long brown hair. “Why are you being so mean to me? I didn’t do anything to you.” I whimpered, putting on the biggest, cutest puppy eyes I could manage.

*Minho’s POV*

I guess I am being kind of mean to her…

I finally uncrossed my arms and turned to face her.

“Okay; what do you want?”

“I want your lips!”

Suddenly she was on top of me, her lips pushing against mine.

“WHAT THE HECK! YOU !” I shouted as I pushed her off of me onto the floor.

Who the heck did this girl think she was?! Nasty little . I didn’t even care when she started to complain that I’d hurt her wrist when I pushed her.

Three months… There’s no way I can survive three months with her…

*Meanwhile…*

*Key’s POV*

I examined Brianna from head to two while she explored every bit of the limo. She was so childish; no wonder she and Taemin got along so well!

Her fashion wasn’t so terrible. She was wearing dark skinny jeans with a purple Zumba shirt (whatever that was) and light brown Coach shoes; not too bad. Her hair was down and straightened, occasionally falling in her face during her adventure throughout the limo. I almost giggled at the look on her face when she found the mini refrigerator, but then I remembered that Carolyn was with Taemin and I began to pout again. 

“Yes, that’s a mini fridge with pudding cups and juice boxes inside,” I said as she opened the door to the little freezer box.

She looked at me in amazement.

“This is soooo cool!” Her face seemed to shine more than the sequins on my pink leather jacket; and THAT my friend, is pretty shiny!

I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. Why did they switch Taemin’s and my pairings? We were so perfect with the ones we had already picked.

I was relieved when the limo finally pulled up to the large, business looking building.

“What is this place?” Brianna asked as we exited the limo.

“It’s a place where you can do your own personal photo shoots. I had it in mind because Carolyn and I both like fashion, but now… I’m with you.”

*Brianna’s POV*

Key’s words kind of stung at first. Did he dislike me that much?!

Wow, what a diva!

“Come on pretty boy,” I said, dragging him into the building.

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~