Truth or Dare

A Fangirl's Dream

*Jonghyun’s POV*

“Let’s play truth or dare!” I suggested to the other nine people in the giant family room.

I heard shouts of agreement, along with moans of reluctance.

“That’s such a two-year-old’s game,” complained Nicole.

“Is somebody too chicken to game a simple wittle game?” Minho mocked her, making sad puppy eyes at her.

“I’m not a chicken, okay!” We all looked over at Onew after his random outburst.

“Nobody said you were,” Minho said, confused like the rest of us.

“Okay, fine. Are we going to play this or not?!” Nicole asked impatiently.

“I’ll go get a bottle!” I shouted.

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed an empty water bottle off the counter. When I came back into the living room, I joined us in the circle the others had formed on the floor, placing the bottle in the center.

“I’ll go first.” Nicole reached for the bottle and sent it spinning in one swift hand motion.

“You ask…” Taemin waited for it the stop spinning. “Key!”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Key answered.

“Who did you like better; your choice for a match or your manager’s-,”

“Mine.” He didn’t even let Nicole finish before blurting out her answer.

“Good,” Brianna piped up.

Key stuck out his tongue at her, then looked at Carolyn sitting next to him and smiled.

*Carolyn’s POV*

I smiled back at Key, but it was forced. I was looking at Key, but my mind was on Taemin. Ever since my realization at the ice cream place, I couldn’t stop looking at him; thinking about him.

“Okay, my turn!” Key said as he spun the bottle.

I glanced over at Taemin. He was trying to braid Brianna’s hair, but it wasn’t working out too well. I smiled at the sight. Suddenly he looked up at me… I was caught. Instead of looking away, he smiled at me. My body automatically smiled back.

“Jonghyun, truth or dare?” Taemin and I were both snapped back to reality when Key asked Jonghyun the question.

“Dare, of course,” Jonghyun answered.

“I dare you to kiss someone in this circle.”

We all stared at him blankly as the room fell silent.

“Oh, me!!!!” Vanessa shouted as she ran over to him and tackled him to the ground in a kiss.

“Get off me!” He shouted, shoving her off of him and sitting back up. He had red lipstick smeared all over his face.

We all died in laughter.

“Haha, J- Jjong, you’ve got haha, you’ve got a little something on your face,” Taemin giggled.

His laugh made me feel tingly inside.

“Shut up!”

The maknae immediately stopped laughing and sat still in silence.

Jonghyun spun the bottle which landed on… me!

“Truth or dare?”

I thought about the question carefully, and decided to go with truth since the last dare had gone so wrong.

“What would you have changed about your first date?” he asked me quickly before running to the bathroom to get the lipstick off his face.

I sat there, not knowing what to say. I didn’t dare look at Taemin, and I didn’t dare look at Key. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me; Key’s stare being the hardest.

“Um, uh… I, uh…”

“Oh hurry up st-t-t-tutter bug!” Nicole snapped, adding in her signature eye roll.

“I would’ve been nicer to Taemin.” I spoke the words softly, hoping that nobody would hear it. Everyone heard it. I looked up to see Taemin smiling at me.

“Aw, you’re so nice!” He said; his face lit up like a Christmas tree. “But its okay, you weren’t mean to me. I was just acting immature.”

“No you weren’t it really was me. I should’ve been more considerate.”

“Can we just move on?” Key cut in before Taemin had a chance to reply. I felt him move a little closer to me and gently set his hand on top of mine. It was shielded by my leg, so thankfully no one saw.

I used my other hand to spin the bottle. It landed on Minho.

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” he smiled.

“Rap for us.”

“Aw this is too easy,” he said, standing up so he could get into the full groove of his rap to come.

(Here’s the rap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dwG6NSKekk).

We all cheered when it was over. He took a bow before sitting down, a smile plastered on his face.

“My turn,” Minho said reaching for the bottle. He spun it so hard that it didn’t stop for what seemed like a whole minute. It landed on…

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~