Advice From A Maknae

A Fangirl's Dream

*Taemin’s POV*

“So, how are things between you and Rebecca, hyung?” I asked as we traipsed through the dark woods.

“Fine,” Onew replied simply.

“Why don’t I ever see you guys acting like a couple like the rest of us? I think the two of you would make a really cute couple!”

“You think so?” he asked in a voice that was all too familiar to me. I knew he was trying hard not to smile.

“Yeah, I really do!”

He just laughed.

“You like her don’t you hyung?”

He stopped, causing me to almost run into him.

“Its okay hyung, you can tell me,” I persisted.

“Gosh, Taemin, I don’t even know how I feel anymore. I… I do like her… a lot.”

“Do you love her?”

Silence… “Yes.”

“Then tell her!” I shouted.

“Taemin, it’s not that easy-,”

“Yes it is! The rest of us did it! You’re the oldest one Onew; you’re supposed to be good at this stuff.”

“Haha, it doesn’t quite work that way Taemin,” he laughed at me.

I pouted, trying to think of something that would spark Onew’s romance.

“If you don’t tell her soon, someone else is going to steal her away before you get your chance, and you’re going to live your life in regret.”

“Taemin-,”

“Plus, we don’t have much time with these girls. Eventually we’ll have to leave. Do you want your relationship to start right before it has to end?”

“Okay Taemin! I get it!”

I smiled in satisfaction. My job was finished.

“I just… I don’t know how to do it,” he sighed.

“Well, it doesn’t have to start off with words. It can be actions. You can hold hands, hug her… kiss her…”

“Aigoo, Taemin!”

“What hyung? I’m just saying!”

“I can’t believe I’m taking relationship advice from our maknae,” he marveled.

“What’s the supposed to mean?” I asked. “A maknae’s gotta love too!”

“Haha, yes I suppose you’re right. A maknae does have to love too.”

I smiled. I always got my way with Onew. I had him wrapped around my finger.

Good luck hyung… you’re going to need it, what with your sangtae… 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~