I Wish That I Could Have This Moment For Life

A Fangirl's Dream

*Rebecca’s POV*

“Thank you! Time to go now though!” I quickly said into the mic. Onew got the message and jumped up onto the stage. We slipped behind the curtain to find ourselves in a storage room. I could see a back exit but odds and ends were cluttering our path to it.

“Come on!” I said as I began to make my way through the clutter with Onew, hand-in-hand.

“I finally get to see the bad girl side of you,” Onew laughed as we ducked underneath a bookshelf which leaned across the pathway haphazardly.

“You better enjoy it while it lasts,” I panted. “Because I’ve never done anything like this in my life.”

“Well for this being your first time running from the cops, you seem pretty good at it!”

“Thanks?” I wasn’t sure whether that was a compliment or an insult, but I didn’t have time to decide. The policeman had just entered into the storage area.

“Stop right there!” he shouted, but we were already to the exit door.

I swung open the door (which was thankfully by some miracle unlocked) and pulled Onew out into the daylight with me. We were in an alleyway and could either go right or left.

“Let’s go left,” I decided, pulling him along.

We didn’t stop running for about five minutes until we came to a busy street. Here, in case the police man was still following us, we blended in, losing ourselves in the crowd.

“That was close,” Onew laughed now that we could relax.

“I can’t believe we did that,” I shook my head in disbelief. “I’ve never even gotten a detention in school! Yet, I just ran from the police with a guy eight years older than me that I call my boyfriend.”

“And you loved every second of it,” Onew side bumped me, awakening me from my daze.

“Well… I guess it was kind of fun.” A smile began to creep its way across my face.

“Don’t worry; I’ve never done something like that before either. I think we did pretty well though!”

“Haha, I suppose so. But where are we?”

All I knew was that we were in the outskirts of New York City because that’s where the chicken restaurant was. It was nearing the time when we had to leave so we’d be back in time for Vanessa’s arrival, even though I’d rather just stay here than see her again.

“Well, since we turned left, I think the car is that way,” Onew said, pointed down the road.

“But wouldn’t it be that way?” I asked, pointing a different direction.

“Aigoo, uh, we’re lost aren’t we?”

“I think so!” I laughed.

“Oh well; I guess it’s just more bonding time for us!”

“Mmmm you, me; lost in the romantic city of New York.”

“And lost in your eyes,” Onew smirked, staring deep into my dark pupils.

“Oppa,” I laughed rolling my eyes.

“But do you give me permission, to get lost in your lips?”

I became serious and butterflies began to flutter around in my stomach. However, this was such a perfect moment and we wouldn’t have many more chances like this. I nodded and began to close my eyes as our lips came together.

We stood there wrapped in each other’s arms on the corner of some unknown streets, kissing each other as if it was the first time. I thought of how this would make such a beautiful picture, then giggled to myself for thinking such a thing at a time like this.

“What?” Onew pulled away quickly to ask with a smile.

“Nothing,” I shook my head and laughed softly. “Just promise me you’ll always remember this moment.”

“I promise,” he said, slipping his fingers between mine as if sealing the deal. “I’ll remember this moment for as long as I live.”

“So will I oppa,” I smiled.

He softly came back to my lips, adding more to our precious moment that was now etched in our minds forever.

 

 

*Double update today! I was feeling bad because it seems like my chapters have been getting shorter >.< I thought I'd hit you with a double update! Plus I'll be on the road all day tomorrow, so I don't know if I'll be able to update. Hope you enjoyed these two chapters ^.^ Kamsahamnida and saranghae<3

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~