It's All Good... Maybe Not

A Fangirl's Dream

*Twenty Minutes Earlier!!*

*Brianna’s POV*

*Knock, knock, knock*

I hurried over to answer the door since I was the only one in the room. Carolyn told me she was hungry and was going to go get something from the vending machine. What worried me is that she was gone for a while.

Maybe that’s her… did she forget her room key?

I swung open the door to find, not Carolyn, but the almighty Kim Kibum standing before me.

“Hey, is Carolyn here?” he asked me, an awkward expression on his face from the memory of what happened earlier tonight.

“No, she’s down getting food from the vending machine,” I answered.

“Crap, I need to talk to her… just like you need to talk to Taemin,” he said, giving me the You-Know-What-I’m-Talking-About eye.

“Okay, well do you want to come in and wait until she gets back?”

“I suppose so,” he shrugged and entered my room.

I closed the door behind him and motioned for him to sit down on Carolyn’s bed while I laid back down on mine, putting my earphones back in. I closed my eyes as Super Man by Super Junior came blasting through the speakers. It wasn’t more than a minute later that my headphones were suddenly ripped out of my ears.

“Hey!” I protested, trying to snatch them back from Key, along with my iPod which was now in his hands.

“Super Junior is alright, but if you wanna hear the best kind of music, listen to SHINee,” he stated, scrolling through the songs on my iPod.

“Well maybe I don’t want to!” I shot back at him with a smirk.

“If you’re going to be my ‘girlfriend’ then you’re going to have to!”

“Or what?”

“Or this!” He shouted, leaping onto the bed.

“Ow!” I shouted as he pinned my arms down. I fought against his surprising strength until I had one arm free. With that I somehow managed to flip him over so I had him pinned down this time.

“Oh no you don’t!” he shouted, pushing me off of him like it was nothing, and sending me flailing toward the end of the bed.

He grabbed me around the waist and brought me back to the head of the bed, flipping me onto my back. I tried to free myself from his grasp again, but I knew it was useless.

“Key let go!” I demanded, struggling to free myself. Still he refused to let go.

“I’ll scream-,”

He cut off my threat by suddenly crushing his lips against mine. I was surprised at first. I didn’t want him to feel like he could win that easy, so I continued to struggle. However, he only continued to kiss me. Finally I gave up. I felt my body start to relax as I began to kiss him back.

“Looks like I won,” he winked at me, pulling away briefly so we could both catch our breath.

I glared at him, but it quickly faded as he came back to me for another kiss. This kiss, however, was different. It was full of love and passion. My eyes stayed closed while I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair. Suddenly…

*Knock, knock, knock*

“Wait, what was that?” I asked, pushing Key’s lips away from me and listening closely.

“Probably just your imagination,” he said, disregarding the sound and coming back to my lips.

“It might be Carolyn coming back!” I said, breaking away from Key’s kiss once again.

Another knock came from the other side of the door. This time we both heard it.

“Quick! Hide in the closet! Go!” I directed Key as we jumped off the bed. I began to fix up my sheets as if we totally hadn’t just had a fight and then started making out on my bed. “I’ll be right there!” I shouted.

*Back to the Present!!

*Taemin’s POV*

“Taemin, I can’t lie to you,” Brianna finally said, coming forward. “Key and I are kind of…”

“Together,” he finished for her.

“Oh,” I said in complete surprise.

“I’m sorry Taemin. I would’ve told you earlier but it, like, just happened tonight and-,”

“It’s okay,” I cut her off. “Carolyn and I kind of have a thing.”

I stole a glance at Key, and was relieved to see, not anger, but joy on his face.

“You’re not mad?” I asked him.

“Of course not Taemin,” he answered. “I mean, I cared about Carolyn, but I have… stronger feelings for Brianna now. I’m just glad that she ended up with you. I know you’ll take care of her.” He smiled at me.

I smiled back, then looked over at Brianna.

“Even though we aren’t ‘together’ or anything, can we still play on the swings occasionally?” I asked.

“Haha, of course Taemin,” she giggled at me.

We talked for a bit longer, then said our good nights. As Key and I stepped out into the hall, we found Carolyn walking toward us.

“Key I have to talk-,”

“It’s okay,” I stopped her. “You’re all mine now.”

*Rebecca’s POV*

I got in the shower as soon as we got back to our rooms. I wanted to be alone. I needed to release the tears that had been begging to escape from my eyes the whole car ride back to the hotel.

Frickin jerk, idiot making out with that ty excuse of a girl. Who does he think he is? How could he not see the chemistry between us? Or worse, what if he did, but he chose that nasty over me?

This made me cry even more. I was terrible with tears. Once I started it was hard for me to stop.

Well, I mean now that I think about it, Onew kind of did have a right to make out with her… as sickening as that is. I never told him how I felt, just assumed he knew. Why didn’t I tell him? Gosh, why didn’t I?!

When I was done my shower I immediately climbed straight into bed so I wouldn’t have to face that nasty little . I’d be so happy tomorrow when we would finally get back to the mansion and I’d have my own room all to myself. There I could cry all I wanted, and nobody would know.

And on top of it all, I can’t believe I fell in love with a 23 year old. He’s 23! Maybe this is all for the better…

My thoughts slowly morphed into dreams, until I was fast asleep. 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~