I'm Back

A Fangirl's Dream

*Brianna’s POV*

“Rebecca?!” I called again.

Where could she be?

Nobody had seen Rebecca or Onew all morning. We searched high and low for them, but didn’t find them anywhere. Finally I resorted to the only place left: the shed.

“Onew? Rebecca?” I called softly as I creaked open the door to the small building and slipped inside.

I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I turned and was startled at what I saw.

“What happened here?!” I shouted, jerking Onew and Rebecca awake.

*Rebecca’s POV*

My eyes shot open at the sound of my sachon’s cry.

Where am I? What’s going on? Whose lap am I in?

I looked up to see Onew looking at me. He was just as surprised. Suddenly it all hit us at the same time.

“It’s not what it looks like!” “We didn’t do anything!” We shouted together, jumping up to our feet.

 image

Brianna looked at us skeptically.

“I came out here because I was upset when I found out about Minho and Nicole. Onew just happened to be out here so he comforted me. I guess we fell asleep and-,”

“What did you find out about Minho and Nicole?” Brianna cut me off.

“Well, I walked into Nicole’s room since you told me Minho was up there, but I can tell you they weren’t fighting.”

“What were they doing then?”

“They were… in bed… together.”

Brianna’s eyes grew wide. “WHAT?!”

“It’s okay; I’m over it,” I said looking at the ground.

“But still! He cheated on you-,”

“It’s really fine Brianna. I don’t want to make a big deal about it.”

She gave me a concerned look, but refrained from saying any more.

“Well, Jonghyun’s new girlfriend Annie is going to be here in about an hour. You two should go wash up before she gets here,” Brianna directed, changing the subject.

“All right,” Onew hurried out of the shed; away from the awkward situation.

“Everything is really okay. I’m totally over the Minho thing, and Onew and I are friends again! If anything this turned out really well!” I said, walking along side my cousin, trying to comfort her.

“It doesn’t change his age though, sachon…”

I simply pretended I didn’t hear her remark.

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*Jonghyun’s POV*

Tingles of excitement shot through my body while we all waited on the porch for Annie’s taxi. I was constantly moving; too excited to hold still.

“Relax Jonghyun,” Key rolled his eyes at me. “You’re acting crazier than Vanessa!”

This made me slow down a little bit, but I was still boiling of anticipation inside.

Finally I caught sight of the yellow vehicle coming up the driveway. I felt like I was about to die. I needed to see this beautiful girl again. I knew she’d just roll her eyes at my excitement, but I didn’t care. That was actually what I loved most about her: she didn’t get all boy-crazy. She had respect for herself. As much as I wish she’d just go weak at the knees and faint into my arms, I loved it.

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The taxi pulled up in front of the mansion, finally coming to a stop. I hurried down the steps to open the door for her.

“Hello Annie!!!” I shouted as I took her hand and helped her out of the vehicle.

“Someone’s excited!” she laughed.

She wore an orange dress (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=19698699), white sunglasses and a sunhat. Her nails her done to perfection; along with her makeup and long, blonde curls.

I kissed her hand –which smelled of sweet coconuts- before heading around to the back of the taxi to retrieve her luggage.

*Key’s POV*

Despite the warm sun beating down on me, my body went cold as the young girl stepped out of the car. I couldn’t believe my eyes. She looked so different, yet there was so doubt in my mind that it was her; the name was even right.

Out of all people…

“Everybody, this is Annie! Annie, this is Onew, Minho, Nicole, Taemin, Carolyn, Key, Rebecca, and Brianna,” Jonghyun said, gesturing toward each of us as he said our names.

When Jonghyun said my name, my worst fear came true. Her eyes didn’t leave mine as he continued introducing the others. We stared at each other, unable to believe what we were seeing.

Though we didn’t use words, we knew what the other was thinking: Don’t you DARE say a word!

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“Let me show you to your room!” Jonghyun interrupted our telepathic message by taking Annie by the hand and dragging her into the house.

I felt Brianna slip her hand into mine.

“I’m so glad to see Jonghyun happy again,” she smiled as we turned to follow the crowd into the mansion.

“Yeah…” was all I could mumble.

“Are you okay?” she asked, concern written all over her face.

“What? Oh, yeah I’m fine,” I lied, kissing her on the cheek.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around my waist.

Why Annie? Why? 

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~