Planning

A Fangirl's Dream

*Nicole’s POV*

I stood staring at the manager in awe, along with everybody else. Some people were excited, and some (like me) were disgusted.

“T-t-three nights… in the woods?!?!?!” Key shouted, finally breaking the awkward silence.

“Yes, it’s going to be great bonding time for you guys, and you boys will probably learn a bunch of new words from this experience. I bet most of you forgot that that’s what this whole thing is for; working on your English,” said the manager.

I looked around at the boys. I think we’d all forgotten the real purpose of our being together. We’d gotten so caught up in everything that was going on.

“You’ll be heading out tomorrow, so I expect you guys to spend the rest of the day packing. You’ll want to go shopping today to make sure you have everything you need. Each couple will have a budget of $200. I’ll be seeing you all bright and early tomorrow morning!” the manager said cheerily as he climbed back in his car.

“But-,” I started, but he was already putting the car into drive.

We watched in silence as he pulled away.

*Carolyn’s POV*

“Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!” Taemin took me by the hands and began jumping up and down. “I love camping trips!!!”

The crowd began to disperse into their pairs, discussing what they were going to buy for their trip.

“Taemin,” I said.

He immediately stopped jumping. “What is it?”

“I’ve never been camping before…”

“Oh Carolyn, we’re going to have so much fun! It’s the best thing ever!” he shouted, hugging me.

“Will… I get eaten by a bear?”

“Haha, oh you have so much to learn Carolyn! Finally I get to do the teaching; me, the maknae! Come on; let’s go make a list of everything we’ll need for the trip!”

He dragged me into the house.

*Key’s POV*

“Ughhh I hate campinggggg,” I whined as Brianna added another item to our shopping list.

“Oh come on; it’s not that bad,” she looked up at me, then began to smile. “Plus you’ll have me there.”

“That’s the only good thing about it,” I pouted.

She came around to my side of the counter and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“Think about it: Just you and me, alone for three nights in the woods, nobody around for a quarter mile in every direction; we can do whatever we want.”

“Maybe this won’t be so bad,” I stated as a smile began to creep its way across my face.

She took the collar of my shirt and pulled me in for a kiss. Gosh, I love when she does that!

“Now let’s finish this list, shall we?” she asked, turning back to the piece of paper on the counter.

*Jonghyun’s POV*

“Do we reallyyyy have to go camping?” I complained while Annie continued to type on her computer.

“I think it’s going to be fun,” she said, not stopping in her list making.

“Let me see what you’ve got so far,” I said, smiling devilishly to myself as I walked over to her sitting at her desk.

I leaned down behind her and began to read, “Sleeping bags, pillows, lantern, bug spray…”

As I said each word I began to move my lips closer and closer to her neck.

“Cereal, bread…” I kissed her lightly on the neck. “Peanut butter,” another kiss. “Hot dogs,” another kiss, this one longer.

 I smiled as I felt her body relax. I kissed again, a little this time, hoping to leave a mark showing that this beautiful girl was mine.

*Annie’s POV*

I closed my eyes when his lips made contact with my soft skin. I bit my bottom lip in pleasure; his lips were so gentle and careful. I loved the feel of his warm breath on my neck. It reminded me of that night…

THAT NIGHT!

My eyes shot open and I pulled away.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” I snapped.

“Oh come on; don’t tell me you didn’t like it,” he smirked.

“Gosh, you’re terrible,” I said, rolling my eyes and turning back to my laptop.

I bit my lip harder this time, trying to hide the smile fighting its way across my face.

*Rebecca’s POV*

“Hahaha, did you really write chicken as the first 20 items?!” I cried, holding my stomach in laughter.

“You can never have too much chicken!” Onew smiled.

“Haha, I love you Oppa; you’re just too much!”

I continued to laugh, but stopped when I noticed Onew staring at me.

“Y-you love me?” he asked, looking up shyly. http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly4wj0KNtD1r1fkt4.gif

“Oh, I meant like as an older brother. I’m so glad we were able to overcome the past and become so close.”

“Oh, yeah me too,” Onew said, but his smile looked fake.

Onew: beautiful, funny, cute, chicken-crazed, sweet, loving, perfect. I love you so much. I just wish I could tell you... 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Hey guys! Today is a very exciting day for me... because I turn 15!!:D Well, actually I feel like I've been 15 for the past 8 months, but it's okay; cause now I really am 15! Woot woot! Thinking of putting up two more chapters because I'm so excited :D <3

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Woobear27
Just letting those of you who are wondering that YES there WILL be a sequal to this story^.^ I am in the process of writing it right now!

Comments

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EHhyung
#1
Really nice story and I really love it so much
sinebright1095 #2
I love it :)
writerinprogress94
#3
Chapter 6: Second review of the day! Let's do this! Chapters 3-6, woo! (And this is why I shouldn't have caffine...)
I don't think I caught any spelling or grammar errors in the last 4 chapters. There might have been a few places where the wrong punctuation sign was used, but other than that, 9.5/10 on grammar and spelling.
I feel like there wasn't as much description in the last four chapters, but there was definately more dialogue so it balanced out. 8.5/10 on word choice.
Your sentence structure was still a bit choppy in places, but your transitions were flawless. You moved very smoothly from one chapter or POV to another. 9/10 on sentence structure and transitions.
The characters are filling out very nicely! 9/10
Continuation value?
...
...
... 80/100 :D
Now on to the next chapter!
writerinprogress94
#4
Chapter 2: seem a bit choppy. Maybe if they were combined...? Your transitions between ideas, paragraphs, and POVs were all "Sipjeom Manjeome Sipjeom!(10 out of 10)" Yay for 2PM reference :D
Dear lord, I've had to split this into 2 comments XP Me and my rambling...
Point #4~ Charcters! Any writer who's tried to write several OC's at once can appreciate the difficulty of having to give them each their own unique persona without making them a Mary-Sue. Even though by chapter two I've only seen your OC's a bit, they're all distinguishable from each other. I also think you're doing great on SHINee's POV's, too!
Final point~ Continuation value? (I believe I made up this phrase, but feel free to use it as long as you credit me XD)
In many longer stories, if by around the 5th to 10th I'm not enjoying it or interested for whatever reason, I'll stop reading. Your story, by chapter 2, is already at a 70/100 (which can drop or go up. I can already tell, though, that it'll be at least a 90/100 by the end!)
That's all until my next review! If these long reviews bother you, tell me and I'll shorten them :3
writerinprogress94
#5
Chapter 2: Even though the story is already completed, I'm still going to comment every few chapters. As an author I know how helpful feedback is!
First off, I don't think I caught any grammar or spelling mistakes in the last 2 chapters except for in Minho's POV in Chapter 1. You typed "Ewe, in a public restroom?" for Key's dialogue. "Ewe", spelled E-W-E, is a female sheep. Suggestions for the future or if you want to change it~ "Gross", "Nasty", "Disgusting", or simply "Ew"(sorry if I come across as a know-it-all, I don't try to XD). The only questionable thing is in the first sentence of Onew's POV in Chapter 2 you put "Her drooling words". Obviously I'm not all-knowing (who is, right?) so just because I don't know what that means doesn't mean it's wrong. Do you mean she's actually drooling? Could you clarify? I might want to use that word/phrase in the future, but I'd want to use it correctly! :3
Okay, now to the second point! Your word choice, which I mean by everything like your descriptions/imagery (like how the mansion was described during Key's POV in Captper 1; I don't know about you but writing the detailed descriptions is always the most tedious part of writing the story for me, so I applaud you! :D) to using words other than "said" for dialogue (one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves is when I find a story that has an amazing foreward, then I go to the first chapter and the whole thing is in "'Blah blah blah' said ___" format. Therefore, I really appreciate how you used things like *checks story quickly* "smiled"/"laughed"/"carried on"/etc.) That's really all I have to say on this point.
Point #3~ Sentence structure and segways/transitions between sentences and POVs! Over all in these first two chapters I'd give the sentence structure an 8.5/10. Some of the sentences just seemed a bit choppy. Like in Carolyn's POV in chapter 2 she says/thinks "Most people would've called it gay. I found it utterly attractive." The way they are now at the end of the paragraph they just
writerinprogress94
#6
I can't wait to read this! I listened to the piano cover while I read the opening and I swear I could actually see the whole thing! I can't wait to finish this story and head over to the sequel!
KhKheiselle0901 #7
Chapter 135: Welcome XD :D i just love this story..
EvrydayIsaShiningDay #8
Chapter 135: okay can i just say i was really confused when i saw that this was updates. xD same goes for the sequal. xD
danlyy
#9
That closure is so sad for minho...I suspect its Brianna who's become a black and red girl:/
CookieDookie #10
Ooh sequel :D
Can't wait ~